How can I break up with her when she doesn’t want to let me go?

Question

So I fell in love with my female friend, after I started talking to this girl online. She thinks of me as her boyfriend. But the thing is I been trying to break up with her for the longest, but she doesn’t want to let me go. I told her that I’m only holding her back from finding a great man in her life. But she tells me she doesn’t like any men, just me because “they’re all cheaters.” And I feel so guilty because technically I am cheating. I feel like if I told her I was cheating on her, she’ll never find a good man for herself. And I don’t want that to happen. She deserves to be loved and cherished. Not die old with constantly hating men because of me. How do I leave without breaking her spirit?

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Wow man that's super complicated... I feel for you but also for her. Breakups are always hard, especially when someone is really clinging on.

A few suggestions:

- Be honest but gentle. Talk to her in person if possible, look her in the eyes and say you care about her but don't see a future together. Rip the bandaid fast.

- Set boundaries. Make it clear you can't stay friends right away as that would confuse her. Say a clean break is best so she can begin to heal.

- Validate her feelings without making excuses. "I know this hurts and you feel let down. Your worth isn't defined by me. You deserve someone who can be fully present."

- Recommend speaking to family/friends for support. Suggest taking time apart to process before considering friendship later. Block contact for a while if needed.

- Don't backslide. It'll be hard seeing her sad but you must stand firm. Prolonging it will only make it worse in the long run.

- Give her space. Checking up won't help - let her move on at her own pace without your influence as an obstacle to acceptance.

The cleanest breaks are sometimes the kindest in these scenarios. Wishing you both healing through this difficult time. Focus on being caring yet unambiguous. You've got this.

SolitarySolace · Accepted Answer

Tell her you're done and that you've already started seeing someone else because you've broken up with her and that she needs to start seeing someone else or end up the unhappy ex. Don't feel bad for her she'll find someone immediately