Girlfriend will not let me break up with her?

[silouan]

Simply put, my girlfriend will not let me end our relationship… if I say, “I am done, you crossed my boundaries, I cannot continue in a relationship that I know is going to lead to failure…”, she simply says she is not leaving. She tells me to call the police, threatens with telling the police that I harmed her (which I have never done!). She is violent, aggressive, I feel controlled… she explodes at the slightest remark, action, or anything she can construe to treat me as though I am intentionally trying to hurt her. I am perceived as the source and cause of all problems!! It’s simply unmanageable, regardless of “hope” or “love”, or anything else that I now see as my personal delusion. And so I try to end things, always met with failure… lecturing… blame… threats… and outright refusal to leave. I feel abused! I feel trapped. I am not allowed to drink a beer, to do television interviews, to hang out with friends, or to even make up my own mind about anything… and if she does get mad enough to leave me then she returns begging, sensual, manipulating me back into submission. Last night I again told her, “I am done, I am exhausted, we are over…”. She asked me to pretend for one more night, she seduced me… she will not allow me to make any decisions once she feels like I have consented in the smallest way. I cannot make her understand! I am trapped… read my other questions for more detailed info…. How can I get my life back?

[provokeesmokee]

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this.

You are being abused and she is pulling all the usual cards abusers to do try to keep you controlled and isolated.

First, try to get yourself some allies she doesn't know about. A therapist would be fantastic as you'll need their support.

Call the police non-emergency line and let them know of your situation. Ask if they have resources for victims of domestic abuse. See if you live in a place where one-party consent recordings are legal. Then, record her threats to call police and threaten to false report.

Start doing what you can while staying safe to gather the resources you need to move out. There's unfortunately not many shelters for male victims of domestic abuse, but you may have resources in your city.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. You don't deserve to be treated like she's treating you.

I hope you can get away from her safely.

[EmmaMary]

Congratulations on winning a Troll of the day award.

[silouan]

Troll of the day?

[EmmaMary]

You're just one of many unfortunately. smh

[silouan]

So let me understand… an internet troll is one deliberately trying to attack or defame someone… exactly how am I doing this? I am simply trying to find encouragement and momentum to help me think through and figure my way out of the mess I am in. My questions are more of myself trying to keep my own reality from becoming inverted, to maintain sanity… I ask from honesty and deep concern over my very frustrating situation…

[EmmaMary]

Really?

In that case try acting your age (if this is even remotely accurate).

[silouan]

It’s accurate and actually has happened at my advanced age… so…

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[silouan]

Mho?

[smilelots]

Well, if you harmed her other than her, just saying that then you were in big shit, but if you didn’t do anything other than you’re annoyed, and no longer want to be with her, then you should have no problem talking to the police. It sounds like a very toxic relationship. I would get out and don’t look back either for you and for her.

[silouan]

I have never laid a hand on her, I rarely even raise my voice… I have endured hours of her screaming without raising my voice… without even much response… I am becoming cold and indifferent to her cruelty. I am tired of crying and trying to ignore her degrading words. I am holding onto my sanity as best I can…. There are several times i have wrapped my arms around her to restrain her from hitting me, to calm her… I would have rather gone to my room, but she opens the lock in this case with a knife! And then is in front of me, screaming, raging, and holding a knife! I have tried to walk away, going outside - she follows me, makes a huge scene in public, creates such a scene as though she is the victim… she has faked heart attacks just to keep me from leaving… every dramatic situation somehow is related to “health” and my trying to “kill” her due to my knowledge of her weak health… I am the source of all problems according to her, everything I do is malicious and intended to hurt her (according to her)… I feel manipulated, abused, gaslit… I feel controlled, demeaned, overlooked as a person… I feel that she is completely delusional and obviously suffers from some mental disconnect. To me, it’s insane that I am required to discount and ignore a lifetime of experience and relationships in order to submit myself to her insistent delusions. The simple fact is that know better. One thing I have learned in this relationship, beauty is a depreciating asset! She is very beautiful, and very crazy, and at this point I am ready to move to the village, disappear, and write a novel. What a crazy life this had been!

[DryGermanGuy]

Throw her the hell out, with the help of the police or not. You should record some of her antics, in case she tries to do you in.

[silouan]

I have recorded… I have broken up with her many times… I feel kinda stuck. It does not help that I care very much for this girl, and I don’t want to hurt her.

[DryGermanGuy]

Yeah, yeah, I have heard that tune before. It honors you that you tried everything, but at a certain point it’s enough. Think about your own mental and physical health. Do you want to wait till she rams a knife into your guts or burns down the house?
Get friends, family, police or whomever to help you, but get it done.

[boggboss]

Why have u not called the police yourself and inform them about your situation

[silouan]

This is Russia man, it’s complicated…

[boggboss]

So how can gag help u