Does my girlfriend want me to break up with her?

[Anonymous]

(For context we've been dating for 2and a half years) Aight so let's get this done. So my girlfriend was having a rough night liast night with her dad. He was saying kinda harsh stuff to her like I'm ashamed of how you act and you're so entitled etc. She got really upset and was having a rough time. She had some of her friends over and long story short she started drinking. I could tell right away she was drunk by how she was texting and how she was talking on a phone call later on. I have no issue with her drinking, but she tends to make poor choices when she drinks and she also lies to me when she's drinking, she try's to hide when she drinks because she doesn't want me to be disappointed in her for it. I tell her I never am, I only get mad when she lies to me about it. So last night she drank and lied to me about, I eventually just called her out and asked her directly if she had and she caved and told the truth. I called her an idiot for lying to me, and then she kinda lost it a bit. She told me to "say it again" that she deserved it. She kept saying how she was so horrible and she knows she's and idiot and that I should hate her. I tried calming her down, telling her i loved her and that i dont hate her I'm just hurt she would lie to me. Then she started going on about how I should just break up with her, how I should just let her go, and forget about her. I didn't listen and just tried to calm her down and pretend I didn't hear her over the phone cause I know people say dumb stuff when they're drunk. But I've also heard people say that a drunk mind speaks a sober heart. So basically I would love some advice on what to do next. Any advice is appreciated thanks.

[talloak]

I don't think she wants you to break with her. I understand what you say to mean that she she feels she deserves to be dumped. That's a very different thing. She feels really badly about herself, undeserving and unlovable because this is exactly what her father said about her. It was a good thing for you to assure her that you love her and won't leave her. A step further would be to assure her that she is deserving of your love, that you don't pity her. One thing that didn't help was to accuse her of lying. While technically true, this was a very unhelpfully thing to say. Saying it makes you the focus and the wronged person in this awful situation. Her denial that she'd been drinking was much less important than the nasty things her father said to her. That was what you should have focused on. There was no need to even confront her about her drinking at that moment (you could talk about it later once she was recovered from her father's abuse). Now, you have the opportunity to focus on her hurt and your love for her.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice! I should mention before I asked her directly if she'd been drinking we had been talking fir about 15 minutes about her dad and what was going on and I was helping her and comforting her through it. I assured her everything was going to be okay and I was there for her and that things would get better. So after all that had been done and she was stable and okay I brought up the question if she had drank. I never really accused her of lying I simply wanted a strait answer and I got it. She didn't want to lie and actually said after that she was glad she got caught and it was out in he open so i think that's a plus. I think I'll continue to work through things and love her through it.

[talloak]

Sounds like it went well. It also seems that you lifting her out of the self-doubt that her father piled on her.

[Hangry22]

Nope. She just feels not good enough to be with you and feels like she's a dead weight hanging you down and so you should go to find someone better

[JessieBellll]

She could have been just emotional from her incident with her dad and overthinking things. Or it could have been her real thoughts she is hiding.