Why would she do this straight after the break up?

[Seasonaire98]

So me and my girlfriend of three years broke up in July. I was living in Canada from mid November-end of April. And again from start of June-start of September. She continued to live in the U. K. throughout. I was moving back permanently at the end of my summer in Canada. She facetimed me and said she couldn’t do it anymore and broke up. Very emotional for both of us. A few days later something I said was really taken out of context and repeated to her, either way it was hurtful but out of context which made it more hurtful.

She was already going on a trip with a group of mainly guys travelling for two weeks around the alps. This trip took place about 3/4 days after we broke up and within two weeks of us breaking up she’d already had sex with two guys? I only learnt this yesterday. I am going to move my stuff out of OUR flat and move back in with my parents on Thursday but all summer she’s maybe been giving me signals that we could be on the cards again. I literally don’t want to have to look at her, I have been no saint while I’ve continued to be away in Canada but I haven’t been able to go all the way. It just doesn’t sit right with me just yet hence why I can’t believe she did it so quickly?

When we were together sex was important but not necessarily regular, it was whenever we had time and energy in our super busy lives, but the. She goes out straight away and does that! Was it revenge (for my out of context comments)? Was she just letting her hair down?

[Anonymous]

Man I'm disappointed with the way people are legitimizing rebounds. And it's even worse that it's guys who are doing it rather than girls even though girls are far more likely to have them.
I'm someone who has experienced it from multiple sides - my ex had multiple rebounds right after our breakup, and once I myself was the rebound of a girl who had just broken up.
So regardless of whatever others say I am always going to stress that rebound is an extremely fucked up thing to do and no amount of whitewashing is going to legitimize it in my eyes.
Don't get back with this girl ever. That's all I'd say. And don't do something like this yourself either.

[DaveJord]

Girls are players to. Never forget that. You nailed it.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah well both can be. But only guys get blamed for it. Girls are called empowered and liberated. Either ways it's bad. I have zero respect for both guys and girls who are players or who have rebounds.

[DaveJord]

Ahhhhh... I hate to be the one to tell you this... but she didn't do it straight after breaking up with you. She was doing this before the breakup... she made it final before the trip because she knows she was going to fuck these guys.

Sure, she may not of fucked these guys while she was dating you, but she knew she was thinking about fucking other guys before the breakup... and with you out of country it just made it easier to ignore you until it got to the point that she couldn't ignore it anymore.

Regardless of if she fucked them or not, she was cheating on you while you together on an emotional level, and she knew it.

[Anonymous]

She was having rebound sex!

She was down emotionally and wanted any male comfort so she just did it with whom ever and where ever.

This sounds like it was bound to happen being apart so long and not having sex alone and Living together just ends relationships no matter how good they are.

Fastest way to end a relationship is to move in together!

She was letting her hair down getting attention. She needed more of it and super busy lived don't allow for it!

She needed romance suprises and not super busy lives.

[Opinion Owner]

In no way am I saying it's your fault. Give it time you will move on!

[Seasonaire98]

Thank you for you response. I thought it was something along these lines. What sucks is we were so busy because we were saving for our future together and me working away was allowing us to do that more easily. I haven’t craved any of that, I guess people react differently, what do you think?

[Seasonaire98]

Also how do you suggest you move your relationship forwards without moving in together? Haha but confused with that one

[Opinion Owner]

I think your the wiser of the two rebound sex was always so bad and often they were just being dumb!
Guys do it also just harder for them. She got 2 to go on vacation course she wanted sex.

My advice is 3 years dating and getting married. It's a commitment and while people do often chest it does not kill the relationship like living together does.

That happens a lot just focused on the future while now is slipping away in couples.

Worse when accounts are linked and someone gets the money

[Seasonaire98]

Yeah I get you. I just kinda thought I meant more to her than for her to go out and sleep around straight away. I couldn’t think of doing anything with a girl for so long. Kinda of thought she was better and more mature than that. Clearly I was incorrect

[Opinion Owner]

Sadly you were and yeah kinda shows how much you meant after that time effort and care

[Anonymous]

I don't know but I’ve seen some of my girl friends who started sleeping around after a break up from a long term relationship. From what they shared with me they said it’s to help them move on faster. Some said that it’s bcs they’re finally “free” to explore their sexuality, especially after a LDR.

[Seasonaire98]

I mean we were pretty liberal in the bedroom. I don’t quite fully understand how you can sleep with someone so quickly? And as a way to get over it faster? I just haven’t been able to get to that point, I’ve been in the situation a few times since but I couldn’t go through with it.

[Opinion Owner]

Basically she probably wants to stop thinking about you so she gets with other guys to distract her. For me personally, after my 6 year long relationship ended, I downloaded a dating app the very same day bcs I don’t wanna deal with the heartbreak. I just chatted with some dudes online, never met up with them, just needed the attention to soothe my heartache. Stupid I know, I’m not proud of it either.

My friend also told me that after she broke off her almost 10 years long relationship, she was super heartbroken so she slept with other guys in hopes of forgetting her ex sooner. It helped for a moment bcs she was occupied with the new guys but eventually she had to deal with the heartbreak and regret (of hooking up with multiple guys).

[Seasonaire98]

I guess that maybe offers me some comfort, knowing she will most likely still have to deal with the feelings I’ve been having. The whole thing really hurt and the sleeping with people stuff just rehashed all the feelings I had three months ago and has really broken me again.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s pretty much just a rebound, people deal with breakups differently. I know it must have been painful knowing that she’s already getting with other guys this soon but trust me, sooner or later she’s more likely gonna realize that she needs to properly deal with her emotions rather than just getting in bed with other people to distract herself. In the meantime, I think you need to distance yourself from her, try to avoid any “updates” on her/what she’s doing. Give yourself some time to grief, you don’t have to go all the way just yet, wait until you’re really ready

[Seasonaire98]

Thank you. Your comment has really helped. Much love

[Opinion Owner]

Best of luck with everything!

[DaveJord]

Dude, this sound like a woman trying to put a nice spin on it... but dude she is not who you thought she was... like get over it. She did you dirty my man.

[coachTanthony]

You have already talked yourself into believing that sex was scarce because "you both had very busy lives" Look if someone is attracted to you and wants you they make time they don't blame super busy lives. I mean take her back if you're okay with women coming into your life then abruptly leaving so they can "let their hair down" with other men. I would send her a very clear signal that you wish her the best but obviously are on two different paths and are not aligned.

[Avicenna]

I really don’t think this should matter to you at all. She is an ex, do it’s a waste of time to worry about what she’s doing now

[Seasonaire98]

Aye I feel that. She was my best mate for a long time before we had a relationship. She’s still a part of the same group of friends so it’s hard not to hear things. I was properly blind sided by it and I am still really hurting from the break Nevermind the new revelations

[Avicenna]

Well, it takes time to heal from something like that. But that process is easier if you focus on positive things that will benefit you long term

[Nirmroth]

She simply had a rebound. Its when you're in this phase of missing intimacy right after a breakup. Kinda telling of a weak character tho, means she can't be alone.

Furthermore she singlehandly but the nail in the coffin with that action, no way I would ever take an ex back that sleeps around while we were apart. Rather start new with something fresh than microwaved food.

[Seasonaire98]

I feel that. I keep swinging from side to side full of emotions at the moment. All this “just move on” isn’t really all that easy when feelings and emotions are involved. Can’t turn them off and become numb because that’s what makes us human.

[Nirmroth]

I feel you. Been at your place roughly a year ago. It will come in waves of were everything is cool then its bad again. It helps doing a lot of shit with friends/during the day. can't prevent night thoughts tho.

[lightbulb27]

If you think women are emotionally stable then i need to send you some meds amd a sin wave diagram. Not all would do that but some will run to anyone to numb their pain and many guys will oblige.
Rebound, low morals, low coping skills, opportunity.

[Damian_NG]

I might be wrong but sounds like she already wanted to sleep with other guys and just broke up to get her conscience free while doing it. If she wants to come back to you that means that she’s probably done having her fun. I personally wouldn’t take her back but I can’t tell the dynamics of your relationship over this post alone…So simply do what you want or what you think is best for you.

[Seasonaire98]

Thanks for your response. There’s a lot more context I couldn’t fit in this post as it would have been an essay. But the dynamics were good to be honest. I had full belief we would stay together throughout my time away. I don’t understand her decision to sleep around straight after especially after how emotional we both were and how she’s been speaking to me. Kinda thought she’d had her hot girl summer before we were together (we were best best friends for 18 months prior to our relationship) but yeah, clearly not.

[Fireguy17]

She had already moved on before she told you, so for her it has been way longer than 2 weeks.

That is the reason it is better to be the dumper than the dumped.

Like you said you haven't been a Saint, you have just chosen to have sex yet, so it isn't any different.

You are just splitting hairs so you feel better about yourself and can blame her.

[SomeRandomFrenchGirl]

Its probably just sex to get over you. It can be kind of comforting and still make her feel wanted. This happens to a lot of people after a breakup depending on how they handle it

[BoopBoopBeep]

Why doesn't matter. You broke up. Move on brother.

[Drumlin2001]

She was single, emotional and just looking for a good time. Really has nothing to do with you.

[In_Trance]

Stop paying attention to your ex and move on