Girlfriend won't let me leave. What should I do?

[milesy67]

Hey, Everyone. I'm in need of some advice from people that have maybe gone through this. I've searched online and I'm coming here because I realize I'm not in a good place. I need help and some courage to do what I think I should do.

There's a ton of detail but I'll try to keep it short and sweet, because in the end I'm trying to leave and I'm being stopped. I guess I'm not mentally strong enough? Let me know please..

So I've been in a relationship with this woman, we'll call her L, for over a year. I've told her I love her and that I would like to be with her. We've hung out, gone on trips, had sex, talked about anything, and generally had a good time. That is until recently (about 3 months) where we've been constantly getting into fights and arguments. It's gotten to the point that I want to leave and I have told L this a few times. She claims that everything in the past I've told her about loving her would be a lie then. That I never actually loved her and that it was all a lie. I try to reason and say that just because I don't feel the same way now doesn't make everything I lived and felt a lie. L then goes on to threaten to destroy my work, shows up aggressively at my house, voice self harm and say things to my family (send them pictures of me). I obviously don't want these things to happen, so I try to calm L down and then I wind up getting sucked back into this relationship based on fear alone. I care about L, but I don't want to be with her or even really be around her anymore. I don't know how to leave and have her accept it and just leave me alone and move on. L says that it's not fair that I give up and try to leave.

I'm going on a work trip soon and I'm wondering if I should cut all contact while I'm not physically available. I know that she could still potentially find a way to contact my family/ work, but at this point I feel ready to deal with the consequences. I am at my end and I don't know what to do. Any insight would be amazing.

Thanks

[Explorer91]

Ah sounds like similar situation I have been in recently.
Was with a guy for 12-14 months.
I ended things. He is reacting the same. It took me about 7-8 attempts to finally end things for good because I kept being sucked back in (took me about 5 months to finally get rid of him - sounds bad - but it really became like that).

What I noticed going on for me - I kept being sucked back in because I lack family and enough of a support system. It was great to have him to talk to about anything all the time for hours and to be there whenever I needed. This was what kept sucking me back in even though I WANTED OUT.

For him - He viewed me as the SUN and had limerence and obsessive feelings to me. Like addicted to thinking about me and having unrealistic fantasies about our connection. He also had an ugly (disordered) side to his personality that would come out - he believed that if I abandoned him he would find no one else who would put up with him.. no one else who he wanted who also wanted him.. he believed i was it... so was going to hold on for dear life = solution for him is he needs psychiatric help to deal with this ugly side so his self esteem can increase.

Don't be with her if you don't want this.
Create other connections so you do not feel as lonely (if that is what is keeping you going back).
He said anything and everything to avoid abandonment/ Whatever would work. And it worked 7-8 times until I eventually realised I am allowed to leave this person. It doesn't make me evil. I am allowed to leave.

[slatyb]

Are you living with her?

[milesy67]

Thanks I am living with her

[slatyb]

Then you should move out.

[On_cloud_wine]

Joy doesn’t come from avoiding the storm.

[Imaguyandagirl]

Leave her it doesn't matter she can't stop you