Was he trying to make it seem like he wasn’t going to pay?

[Anonymous]

When we met up for coffee we hugged and went inside. We stopped for a couple seconds and he just walked to the counter and ordered what he wanted… I’m like okay… by that time I had pulled my wallet out bc I’m thinking he wasn’t going to pay.

Then he ask me what I want.. I didn’t really know so I just said I’ll get whatever he gets.. and he was kind of like “okay 🤔”…. So he orders us tea and like some other stuff.

[dustybiker2]

He sounds assertive. Some woman like that. It's only going to go downhill from here. If this annoys you his behaviors will continue to grate you.

[Asker]

I love assertive dominant men and I feel naturally submissive around him but I want to remove myself if he doesn’t really like me

[dustybiker2]

You want assertive you found it. He did ask what you wanted. I do not see the problem. If he didn't like you he wouldn't have been there.

[Anonymous]

You don't know how you like your coffee? It's a coffee shop, it isn't a complimented menu. Coffee, espresso drinks, tea etc etc. I think you're making a big deal out of nothing tbh

[Asker]

Nobody wants to feel less than when they’re on a date with someone…. It’s a big deal to me because I liked him and thought he felt the same way.

[Opinion Owner]

How did that make you feel less than? He ordered for himself and then asked what you wanted. I really don't see the issue. The man was just ordering

[Asker]

But if you’re walking up to the counter…. Without me…that’s rude in my opinion… I’m in the back looking stupid like is he gon pay…

[Opinion Owner]

Why were just standing there looking stupid? Walk up to the counter with him like a normal person? Holy shit

[Asker]

Noo bc I didn’t want him to get the impression that I wanted him to pay.

But I was still looking at the menu

[Opinion Owner]

Thinking a simple misunderstanding (although I think you're being ridiculous) means he made you feel "less than" is dramatic. You sound like drama tbh

[Asker]

And you sound very basic. You’re probably a jerk like him

[Opinion Owner]

Basic as in I expect women to have common sense because they aren't children?

You could have walked up with him and stood behind him a little bit to see if he was planning on paying (or just using your words and asking like a big girl) if you didn't want him to know you were secretly hoping he would pay fot you, this would have solved the problem.

if you wanted to pay, you could have just said to the cashier "that's all for him" and ordered your shit.

There's so many things you could have done differently. Instead you just decided to stand there like an idiot and didn't communicate.

He probably could have also communicated better, but he isn't the one who let it ruin the date and took it as a personal attack.

[Opinion Owner]

And it really shouldn't take you ten years to figure out what you want at a coffee shop. But all you had to say was "I just need a second" you're acting like you've never been out in the world before.

[Asker]

I didn’t let it ruin the date. Yes, he is the first date I’ve been on with a guy.. let alone a guy I’m attracted to.

And yeah.. I didn’t know what I wanted.

[Opinion Owner]

"I didn't know what I wanted" I already told you what you could have done in this situation. I'm sorry but this entire thing is stupid.

[Asker]

Not to be but at the end of the day he did pay…

Haven’t heard back from him tho. It’s been some weeks. I reached out

[Asker]

I just felt like he didn’t like me. A guy who likes a girl wouldn’t mind providing.. and he looked at the waitress

But he was a gentleman in other areas. He brought our stuff to the table, he threw all of our stuff away, he opened doors…

[Asker]

And he offered to take me home or pay for my ride home

[Opinion Owner]

I agree men should pay, but he did and to me, it sounds like he had planned on paying the entire time. You just made shit awkward by not not following him to the counter and panicking because you didn't know what you wanted.

[Asker]

Then if he planned on paying then I don’t understand why make it seem like you aren’t and no I didn’t feel comfortable following him to the counter… but it is what it is. I’m not experienced with dating..

Ik our conversations were awkward bc I didn’t talk much… he asked me what I wanted (relationship wise) and I told him to tell me first… then I agreed and told him that’s what I want to.. he wasn’t happy.. he felt I was copying him

But I honestly wasn’t

[Opinion Owner]

He didn't make it seem like that. It's just something you made up in your head.

[Opinion Owner]

All he did was order for himself first.

[Opinion Owner]

"I'm not comfortable walking with him the counter" wtf

[Asker]

Bc I don’t want him to get the wrong impression

[spartan55]

Guy is a real charmer. I'm sure it will all get better... 😂 😂 😂

[Asker]

What do you mean?…

[spartan55]

I mean he has no idea how to treat a lady. Was this a first date?

[Asker]

Yes… he’s 36… I just think he wasn’t attracted to me ig..

[spartan55]

Then why did he ask you out?

[laly520]

why even wait
why u didn't go with him to order

[Asker]

I was still looking at the menu

[laly520]

I think it doesn't have any deep meaning n it was spontaneous

[Asker]

I just didn’t like it because it made me feel like he didn’t really want to

[laly520]

r u sure of his feelings towards u

[Asker]

Hell nah I’m not lol

I’m not saying he didn’t want to but for a guy to walk straight to the counter it makes me feel like he didn’t. I don’t know.. that’s why I’m asking

But he ask asked me “when were you last intimate” “does your dad know you post those pics” …

He offered to pay for my Lyft home and drop me off. I took a Lyft home bc I don’t drive

He didn't see if I made home but I texted him first.. he responded but nothing after that..

[laly520]

I dont like his questions
seems like he is testing n wants to see if he can have his way with u

[Asker]

He said he was scared to sleep with me because he said he doesn’t want me to be “crazier”

[laly520]

what the heck? he is red flag already

[Asker]

Girl yes. I hate I let my guard down with him. I was too nice… bc I thought he was genuine.

Learned my lesson. I still think about him a lot

[laly520]

nahh
time to move on fr
u deserve better

[Asker]

Mann it’s been so hard to let go… he was so patient with me bc I had my guard up.. it was different… but I guess he wasn’t attracted to me or he showed his true colors..

He did give me closure

[laly520]

I don't know I wouldn't stay with him n id move on

[Asker]

Yeah… he said he wanted to eventually have sex… I wanted to wait until marriage

He said he didn’t want to go back and forth with me and that I misunderstand what he says

He did say “I hope you find a man that loves you the way you need to be loved “ so I was confused

[laly520]

knew it
he was only there for sex mainly n once u refused he gave up
classic modern guy behavior

[Asker]

Yeah.. I was depressed for months bc I wanted to be with him and he made me feel like he saw me for something else..

It hurt a lot… but yes. Modern day male behavior.. I’ve totally stopped looking for love/ dating. I’m a pure maneater

Can’t trust men. They hurt you

[laly520]

yes lot n majority after one disgusting thing but also there is good ones out there, just takes long time to find a good one
rare but possible
u gotta make sure to stay safe n to never trust anyone so easily, people do mask a lot n they pretend to care or to love so they reach their goal
I recommend looking for a guy who would match ur mentality n ur needs n making sure u both get along before going on any date or taking it further
always trust in ur personal decision n in what u believe in
I am like u, waiting for marriage, turned down all trashy guys till I found someone who is just like me n also waiting for marriage
they do exist, best of luck with it

[Asker]

Yeah.. that type of behavior is so predatory to me especially when I told him I was protecting my emotional wellbeing at all cost

He said “what’s the safest way to talk to you..

Like I was not fucking around with him.. I told him I’m a red flag, I don’t want a relationship or sex… I set my rules with him day one.

I told him no sex from day one… so I don't know

[laly520]

I see
u dodged a bullet anyway
better off without him

[Asker]

I don’t understand why I can’t get over him… it’s been three months.. still feel emotional about him

[laly520]

its fine
sometimes it takes so long but it happens eventually
if it kept being hard then consider therapy

[Asker]

Yeah

Ty

[Anonymous]

If it happens again. Walk out that door 🚶‍♀️

[Asker]

Even if he still paid or was he really being rude? I don’t get what that’s about

[Opinion Owner]

Go on another date and see what happens

[Asker]

He hasn’t reached back out

[Opinion Owner]

I would leave it then