Is it a bad idea to date other men to forget another one?

Question

I really liked this guy, rejected some interesting men because of him.

He likes me too I think, but since we are Long Distance, he is not as invested as I am emotionally. He even dates other people.

I hate this, I refused dating others because I was so much into him, I decided to go on those dates I rejected earlier,

just texted one of the guys, I’ve been ignoring that we can have a coffee date tomorrow and it’s settled, we’ll meet tomorrow.

I’ll meet another very cute guy too, as soon as he returns to Shanghai from his trip back to his country.

Now I wonder, Am I a bad person to start dating these people because I just feel so hurt the guy I was interested in - didn’t work out?

Updates

+1 y

That, people, is how players are made.

Mr_twoface · Accepted Answer

On a long distance, no matter how much you try to show someone your emotions and feelings, it still will not come across as much as one believes. Why don't you ask him where he thinks this "getting to know" phase is going and what his opinion is about going on dates and not committing to one and another?

When i chatted to my wife, were were on separate continents and I asked after a month if she was "investigating" others at the same time. She said yes, whereupon I said since I liked her, can she give me a month of exclusivity so we can get to know each other deeply. The rest is history.

I'm saying, on a distance its not like meeting someone in person, so you can't play by the same book. You have to at times be vulnerable and express your inner feelings and wants. If he feels the same, he will invest his time. If he is not, you will know rather than going on dates just cause he is doing it to.

TommyMountainFigure · Accepted Answer

You haven't accepted any of their proposals for marriage I take it? Therefore no, it's not wrong. You have to do whatever you need to heal. and if that helps you? That's fine.

Guys are under no illusions a solitary date will mean anything other than a date. If however they are? That's on them, not you!

toomanyqs-4 · Accepted Answer

Liking another guy is okay I would say. Dating him , no.

Dating is something that to an extent I think requires some emotional investment and if you're thinking about the other guy all the time with the current guy you're dating, I think it's extremely disrespectful.

Plus you might start liking the other one as much as the previous guy and not more , which would confuse you.

It could also be that you realize this new guy you're dating isn't as important to you as the guy you were trying to move on from and then you cheat on him because " you can't do this anymore and don't know how to break it to him" and now you've cheated which is pretty horrible and broken his heart.

Lol sorry this got too long 😭

IslaTheWitch · Accepted Answer

I think it's disrespectful and not considerate at all regarding those other men...

I would wait to heal and recover and then return to dating when I know I can focus on people and not give them false hopes

coachTanthony · Answer

Keeping busy allowing time to pass is what works. If that includes dating then so be it.

Pinay_ako · Answer

No but don’t lead them on either.

loveslongnails · Answer

Sounds like you're just using other people's attention to occupy your time and fill in the hole created by the distance and lack of real commitment. I think it's a bad idea for you to think it's a way through it. What if some guy who's local gets really into you and you're just not mentally or emotionally available because you're still hung up on this other unrequited situation? My advice is to clear your head about situation "A" before taking on situations "B, C or D". It's not fair to other people OR to yourself if you don't.

spartan55 · Answer

That's a pretty flawed approach tbh. So you are ruling out the original guy because he went on a date with another woman? You didn't have any sort of committment. Now you are trying to make yourself feel better by dating 'cute guys'. I'm pretty surprised those guys you blew off were still willing to go with you. Your looks were the reason I'm sure.

Med_guy1978 · Answer

It sounds like you are really into him and this is why you turn down other men. If this guy was into you then he would be the same but dating others tells me that you are the spare tyre. It's different if someone falls on temptation but contemplating multiple relationships shows he has no emotional feelings towards you. If you want to forget him, then dating others will help or time will help you heal and assess the whole situation.

Anonymous · Answer

Ladies — never toy with a guys feelings and date multiple men at the same time for fun. Dating should lead to a relationship to lead to marriage essentially. To the asker I’m not targeting you. Dating and being with someone isn’t easy but communication should be clear. I can’t tell you how it will end for you. Maybe the other guy realizes and chooses you, maybe he doesn’t but I’m sure if you have the right intentions you’ll meet an awesome guy one day.

robhazelnut · Answer

No, dates can be one-time only. It would be courteous to let the guys know that ahead of time, but not necessary. This may be helpful to truly let that one man go and accept the present moment. Article title: 13 Reasons If You Love Someone Let Them Go (2024) Coaching-Online. org

dustybiker2 · Answer

It has to hurt to heal. If you skip that step you inevitably screw up the next chance at successful happiness by bringing previous relationship baggage in with you.

molonski2 · Answer

I think its a bad idea if that is the soul reason for the date , but I dont think it its a bad idea to just go out and see what happens and have a good time.

Still-alive · Answer

if you're into him that bad i doubt it would work and you'd only be dating the new guys as a rebound in a way. it wouldn't feel genuine for the new guys.

but if you aren't that into the long distance guy it can work especially if they end up being that charming for you with their personalities.

NathanDavis · Answer

if it works, I guess is not a bad idea... lol

deus_ex_sisyphus · Answer

Getting hooked on a new addiction is the fastest way to get your last one, so I dont think its a bad strategy to use that to get over your hangups.

sheikalana · Answer

If you just been through a breakup it's fine to go on dates to keep yourself busy and meet new people but I do not agree in using someone to forget about someone else I think that's unfair for the guy.

Doktorpete · Answer

well, either you tell the desired one your feelings or expect him to read your mind, feel anxious and shit all over your fling trying to cause jealousy because you can't communicate

RingOfFire · Answer

When you can't be with the one you love... love the one you're with. 😃

Jay-_- · Answer

Just looking at the question yes in my opinion it's very wrong to date someone else to move on because if you're just jumping from one to another you're what I call a escort difference is you're not getting payed 😆

LaurenM1997 · Answer

I would wait to date until you are over your ex because if you just got into another relationship it’s a rebound

Nikki1989 · Answer

It is always a positive thing to move on with life when things take a wrong turn.

JHAYES317 · Answer

Terrible reason to date. Date because you want to be in a relationship with them not because you are hurt that someone else doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you…

MsBrie · Answer

No not at all especially if he was that bad.

Staximus · Answer

Anybody who gets their hopes up over somebody who lives far away is not using common sense.

Sam12348 · Answer

People who are with others just to get over someone are pathetic

KrakenAttackin · Answer

You are using guy #2 as an antidepressant, which is not fair to him.

Chthou95 · Answer

Don't women already have roster of men waiting for their turn with her

DagonbroughtMehere · Answer

Let Me ask You; Do You love this guy?

soe11 · Answer

It's your personal choice I think dear.

OtterMan68 · Answer

As long as you're upfront with them

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

That's a very bad idea

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah. Pretty fucked up. I think you need therapy

jahaims · Answer

Yep.

Is it a bad idea to date other men to forget another one?

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