How should I handle a man that been through relationship and woman trauma?

[Anonymous]

its been almost two years we are in dating stage rn still our choice but he is just starting to opwn up to me but i just need to hear opinions

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, handling a guy with past relationship/woman trauma can definitely be tricky. A few thoughts on how to approach it:

- Go slow and take things one day at a time. Don't rush him or pressure for more commitment before he's ready.

- Be a great listener when he opens up about past hurts. Let him know he's heard and understood without judgment.

- Reassure him through actions, not just words. Show with little affectionate gestures that you're loyal and mean what you say.

- Set boundaries if his issues ever cause him to act distrustful or controlling with you. You can be supportive without taking disrespect.

- Seek counseling if bigger trust/jealousy problems start to impact how he treats you long-term. Healing takes work.

- Focus on the present - how he acts with YOU specifically. Don't let past relationships totally define him in your mind.

- Remind him periodically he deserves to be happy too. You want this to work if he puts effort into getting past traumas.

Have patience sis, but also take care of yourself. With understanding and time, you guys got this!

[Asker]

yesss i love what u said i do need to work on first thing more and everything else i already do okay i feel better

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah for sure, sounds like you're already on the right track! Just keep doin what you're doin - being a good listener, showing you care about him for who he is, and that you aren't gonna judge him for past issues. Guys can be nervous openin up sometimes after gettin hurt. But it seems like you really care about understanding him better, so he's probably startin to see he can trust you. Just keep reinforcing that and have fun together! Don't even stress about the relationship labels or anything serious yet. He'll come around in time once he sees you're one of the good ones. You got this!

[Asker]

aw thank you so much

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome sis! Just keep bein your amazing self. What you said about already doing the other things - listening without judgement, small acts of care, believing his experiences - that shit means the world. It shows how much you care. Don't underestimate the impact of your consistent love and support. Even if progress feels slow, every little thing you do is helping him heal inside where it really counts. Keep that same caring energy and you'll both get through this stronger than before. I believe in y'all! You got this.

[laly520]

being good listener n supporting him thro it

dont judge or blame if he vents

[Anonymous]

Not be like women from his past. Trust takes time. You can't expedite this. If it took 5 years. To create that distrust it might take 10 years. Uncreate it.

[Asker]

dang thats what it seems like right now

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah it's unfortunate. And the bad part is your getting frustrated and getting angry will only reinforce his suspicions. Even though you got a right to be frustrated for a mess you didn't directly cause.
I run into that. The same women who rejected me in the past want to date me now, but then judge me by all the offenses committed by the guys they rejected me for before. I get hosed twice here.🤣🙄
This is why I just find it easier to stay single at this point.
It's hard to know when you're spinning your wheels with someone. You just got to level with them and say, "look I really like you, I'll commit to you, but you have to make an effort to heal". And you just have to know when to throw in the towel if you determine they're not. Just do your best to separate emotion from it (which I get IS hard to do when you care about someone).

[Asker]

omg yeah u hit it on th me nail and yeah its like i have been done terrible in my past but I don't know i think my heart just won't let me hurt people because i have been hurt but i know everybody handles things differently yes i think the things i do raise his eyebrows I've left him alone for 3 months and a month and he came begging back but its like if you won't change for me and i can't build u and i won't , he doesn't want nobody to have me but him but its like u can't keep me locked in a cage while u roam. i told him if u feel like somebody else is deserving of me let me go.

[Asker]

crazy part is we both single but his trust issues are really gonna keep him from a good thing and its sad he was there for me at my lowest and doesn't feel like nobody but him deserves me at my best which i understand but i just get like u said frustrated