How do you know when a person really loves you even though you guys are just dating?

[Anonymous]

just curious

[HollyK21]

He probably confessed loving you because that’s what you needed to hear and not because he genuinely means it. I am so sorry to hit you with a hard truth but if he really loved you he would be with you. Fuck all that being afraid of being hurt, you’re scared too, anyone can be scared but it doesn’t mean you keep stringing someone along. That isn’t love, neither is seeing other women when it should only be you.

[Asker]

right im seeing other people too though so it doesn't hurt we are still in talkin stages i dont believe he said it because i wanted to hear it because i honestly never asked for that and he wants me to be his wife after he has seeked therapy but i just wanted to get insight im not in no rush but he feels im going to up and leave him but im just taking my time

[Asker]

he also uses the other person so i dont really respect that or see him much

[HollyK21]

I promise I’m saying this politely but this just sounds so naive on your part to not see this man filling your head with fantasies for the future. 25-29, you are grown enough to understand that men lie. Not all of them obviously, but enough of them to know better than to just trust their words. Actions are what do the talking, and he is not being in a relationship with you because of his excuses. You think a man who genuinely wants you to be his wife would be seeing other women and risk losing his future fiancé? Come on now. Then you say you’re still in the talking stages you think he’s going to love you that quick? You have to be realistic here.

[HollyK21]

So you’re just on standby until he goes to therapy and gets his mentality sorted? It doesn’t work like that. He’s spent his entire life becoming who he is now, therapy is not going to change him. He has to wanna do it on his own first which he repeatedly shows he isn’t ready to do.

[Asker]

yeah im a naive soul im 27 its just the way i grew up i never thought so many people could be this way but u are right i just have to get it out my head i mean im not on standby i do deal with other people i just care about him more i have left him alone for 3 months at a time a month and he just pleads for me back sometimes i feel bad dont be so hard on me lol im just a very nice person and sometimes it does cost me in the long run and i do have to think about his upbringing and his enabling mother and his father that has 20 kids and is still alone and lonely i do have to run but its like 2 years in and im just now getting all of this thats what makes it hard ik i couldve seen red flags but im realizing i believe i have been love bombed for a long time and u are right he is not going to change he is about to be 30

[HollyK21]

I’m not trying to be hard on you, that’s why I clarified I’m not trying to be impolite or hurtful. I’m just blunt with what I say, and naive was the best way I could put it because it’s young-minded.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had more than my fair share of situationships in the past, some going on for years, so I get that we just have to go through it sometimes. At some point though, we have to look out for ourselves and act in our best interest because majority of young men will neverrr do that. They’re too selfish with their intentions.

When I said you’re on standby, im not suggesting that you’re just sitting around waiting on him, I know you said you have options. What im saying is that you’re still “there”, get me? Like he can still come back to you and fill your head with his words over and over for 2 years. You’re talking to other men but still have the door open for him in case he changes, all this to me is being on standby.

My advice is to stop giving this person the time of day. There comes a time where you have to realize he is only talking a good talk but the walk isn’t walking. 27, you’re nearly 30. It’s time to get really serious about your time and who gets any of it. You’ll be thinking of true marriage and babies in a few years, and need a very good man to fill the role of a husband and father figure. This man will have the qualities that your daughter will seek in men, he’s also who your sons going to aspire to be. So choose this man wisely.

[Asker]

omg can we talk outside of being secreative u really be saying things to me im not going to lie

[Asker]

do you have iphone? lolplease messaage me privately

[HollyK21]

Sure! What’s your username? You can request to message me but I so I’ll know who to look for lol

[HollyK21]

I can delete the comment with your username too if you want☺️

[Avicenna]

They tell you or it's assumed from their behavior.

[Asker]

in my case what behaviors?

[Avicenna]

What does he do that makes you think he loves you?

[Asker]

accepts me for who i am flaws and all but we aren't in a relationship i left him alone for 3 months because he was dealing wit someone he uses and he blew my phone up 50 times he doesn't want anything from me but gives me whatever i want, i had embarassing drunk moments where i was pissy drunk right next to him sleeping he never judge me for it , i met him at my lowest and he didn't leave but still dealing with other people so im just confused

[Avicenna]

If you aren't even in a relationship, he's not in love with you

[Asker]

we talked so i have to second this lol he confessed it but is scared i will hurt him

[Avicenna]

Reassure him then- here is your opportunity!