Guys, what would you do if your girlfriend turned your engagement/wedding proposal down?

[Anonymous]

It happened to me several years ago, when I was 28. We were together 4 years, it was during a romantic date, I had fireworks planned. I asked her to marry me. She said "no but try again in 2 years". I told her that I was done, that she had 24 hours to move out of my home.

Present day, she's a single mom of two kids by two different dad's. I dodged bullet. Worst part of this is she blames me and not her self.

[hahahmm]

I would immediately dump her. But the trick is to remember that marriage is a business deal. And who better to negotiate a business deal than a lawyer? So you must think like a lawyer. Never ask a question you don't already 100% know the answer to. Do not to ask until she is hinting or begging you to ask her. But ONLY if you truly have already decided that she is wife material. Not simply because she wants it. Of course it helps to mention what your expectations & obligations are (like a lawyer would) long before you even get to that point. I don't believe in leaving things to random guesses and chance.

[hahahmm]

And don't worry about her blaming you. Some people can chop their hand off with a knife & immediately look at you and say it's your fault. It's just a mind game they're playing on you AND themselves.

[Vesuvius87]

That's one of the times I really have no sympathy for the woman. We hate so badly when men keep us as ''girlfriend'' forever, stringing us along and never proposing. In your case, she was given that golden opportunity and she said no to commitment. If I were her friend I would be telling her suit yourself then.

You did good by telling her to get out of your house in 24 hours. Imagine how we feel whenever a man postpones things for a 1 or 2 years. We react the same way too. It's a ''ok get the hell out of my life NOW'' moment. I'm sorry it's either a relationship that's heading towards marriage or getting dumped immediately. She rejected the best position she can ever have and accepted the worst position for a woman; being a single mother of two kids of 2 different father (getting sex and children with men that don't commit, lol). Unbelievable indeed. Meanwhile some of us are struggling to even get a proposal from a man.

[electromagnetic]

I’m curious. Do people usually stay together if one partner says no to an engagement?
I guess I always figured people date and plan their lives together and eventually the conversation of marriage comes around and everyone gets to share their thoughts. Then when everyone mutually agrees, ( to get married or just continue to be together without the papers ) there’s a decision for a proposal or not?

I’m certain I wouldn’t be married to my partner now if I said no to his proposal. He would have moved on.

[HighValue]

If she turns you down, it is time to end the relationship. After being together 4 years there is no legitimate reason not to. She was likely wanting to wait to see if she could get someone else. Just laugh at her situation and never help her or have anything to do with her. Many single mothers have had opportunities for a good partner and messed it up. I have no sympathy for them.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

Nope, I'd walk away. It is obvious we weren't on the same life path and I never go back for seconds I respect her decision to say no, but at thst point I'm not going to be a second choice or a fall back guy where she goes to sow her wild oats for two years with party boys then chooses me as the relationship guy.

[MicahRaine]

If someone you've been dating for 4 years rejects you for any reason other than "for reasons X and Y (e. g. in college and no money) let's wait until we're at positions Z and C (e. g. we're stable and mature)" than you are more or less FORCED to move on. There's no point in wasting anyone's time

[Unit1]

That would be the equivalent of giving her a loaded Colt Python, point it directly to my forehead and have her place her finger on the trigger BUT she threw the gun away.

But more importantly, I'm not that foolish to land myself in such a situation to begin with.

[lightbulb27]

I applaud you for going for traditional... married.

try to figure out if can be fixed, else move on. Maybe she's having a bad day?

yea, I was guessing she'd blame you. they will do that. can't stop the natural drive, but the emotional mixup stuff gets them into trouble. gotta watch out some of these women. I've found the issues can be figured out and work through issues, but can be a real mess too.

ugh... are you married now?

[Asker]

Married 10 years

[bolverk]

You did exactly what Id do, you invested 4 years, she turned down your proposal and wanted to you to offer again 2years down the line, I'm willing to bet that she thought she had you hooked and would not leave her.

I'd only ever offer a engagement/wedding proposal once, if it was turned down I'd let the relationship wind down and then move on.

[madewithingredients]

I know a guy who had to ask his girlfriend more than once about marriage. He was kinda dumb and immature and wasn't the type of person to plan ahead. She was the realistic one. She said, "Pfff no, not right now you dumb-dumb." Reasons? They were practical reasons. Luckily, he was smart enough to stick with her, because they did get married, and they have 2 really great kids. They are the nicest family and he's definitely one of the wisest old people I know now.

by the way I think your ex basically said yes. She implied that she already sees herself as your fiance, she just wanted the wedding date to be not so soon. But to be honest, based on your reaction, you basically showed your cards, and I think she's the one who dodged the bullet. It's best that you two didn't get married.

[Asker]

And we found the white knight POS how cute.

[Zbrody1997]

If they aren’t ready and you are then she isn’t the one. If you really wanna know for sure if you should move on ask if not now then when?

[IslaTheWitch]

partially, I understand her. She rejected the proposal, not you. You were immature enough to tell her to go away without asking for a reason for her decision...

did you dodge a bullet? Maybe, maybe not... you'll never know what you've lost by rejecting her...

I've never been in such a situation...

[Asker]

Except I asked her why, she gave no reason and told me to try again in two years. Typical of you to take the woman's side.

[Asker]

Bottom line, she showed me that she did not love me enough to get married. If that's the case any further time spent with her is a waste. I wanted to start a family. Thankfully I met my wife after I left her and we have been married 10 years. While she's been passed around like the village bicycle and is a single mom with two kids by two different dad's. And she blames me for her poor choices.

[Vesuvius87]

No one really takes kindly to being told no to marriage. We as women feel horrible when a man refuses to propose and excuses with the ''but we're already committed, marriage is just a paper'' and by saying no to a proposal, she did the same thing men do when they delay things.

[Vesuvius87]

It's a very deep rejection, a rejection of the highest order, ultimate rejection.

[Asker]

Exactly

[jamesgoldman]

Put the ring in my display case and leave her, I'll stick to my solitary existence loaded with single malt and cigars

[itsclearlynicholas]

I'd say to her lol "can we continue as a non-married couple then?" Or is it breakup time lol 😂😆

[ManInChains]

Celebrating because I don’t want to get married in the first place I value my freedom and prefer not to be a slave to a woman.

[thisAppIsGarbage]

Celebrate. My heart is dumber then my brain. Her little sister is better looking amd more ambitious and she loves me.

[JesseP1nk]

it would be end of it. You did the right thing. Dont listen to those women and their "what ifs"

[WhitneySnow]

That was really harsh. Doesn’t sound like you really loved her if you could kick her out that easily.

[Asker]

Sounds like you're too young to understand where I'm coming from. She wasted 4 years of my life.

[WhitneySnow]

She just wasn’t ready

[WhitneySnow]

Why not just ask her again in two years?

[Asker]

Because it's a waste of my time, I wanted a family, she made it clear by her rejection that she did not. I refuse to be strung along by someone who can't make up her mind.

Oh and most men feel the same in my situation, see their responses. Let it be a lesson to you, don't waste your man's time.

[WhitneySnow]

I’m just saying, if she wasn’t ready to get married and have kids yet (or ever), that’s her right.

[Asker]

You're correct, and it's my RIGHT to remove her from my life for wasting my time. And it's my RIGHT to find someone else who is more worthy of what I offer, which I did, been married for a decade. While she's been passed around like the village bicycle, and has two kids by two different dad's. And she blames me for her poor choices.

[Caroline91]

@WhitneySnow Hi there. I understand your thoughts here. But what you are missing is the difference between your stage of life and the Asker’s stage and of life. He was ready to start a family with her and it is unlikely that she didn’t understand that. They started dating when he was 24. At that age people in rekarionsps

[Caroline91]

*relationships* that are serious are starting to build toward a future together. It should take one, two years max to know if it’s going to work out. At that point, you do not string someone along for another two years, letting them build a serious future with you just to turn them down. That’s called using the other person. Ask her again in two years? That’s disrespectful and insulting to expect him to do only to possibly be turned down again. She could accept and take a year to plan the wedding. Something all women need to understand about men is that there is actually one thing they care about more than love and that is respect. He didn’t kick her out because he didn’t love her …you don’t stop loving someone on the spot. He kicked her your because her betrayal and disrespect showed him that she did not love him.

[Asker]

Exactly @caroline91

[handsomelad70]

Get another broad.

[Peridot25]

Is that what you call your mother?

[handsomelad70]

@Peridot25 I didn't want to bed my mother.

[handsomelad70]

And besides, Mom passed Oct.9,2003 at 86.

[Anonymous]

I would be upset

[DreamLife7]

What is there to do? She doesn't like you