Is this guy flirting or showing disinterest?

[Anonymous]

Dating a guy and told him I dreamt about him. He asked if it was a sexy dream and I explained it was with some visuals and then told him it was erotic and kept it mysterious without explaining too much.
he replied this. Is he flirting or hinting that he isn’t interested?

“I might not have been me if i didn't put my hand inside your pants 😏”

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's kind of an odd response from him. It's hard to say for sure if he was flirting or trying to hint disinterest. A few thoughts:

- Putting a smirking emoji implies he was maybe trying to flirt or joke around, even if it's a strange joke.

- But the comment itself about needing to touch you sexually to know it's really him is a bit weird and inappropriate since you were just sharing a dream.

- Guys our age can sometimes flirt in awkward ways, so it's possible he was attempting humor but missed the mark.

- Or he may have felt uncomfortable about the dream topic and responded strangely as a result.

I'd say pay attention to his other behaviors - does he seem engaged when you hang out? Does he initiate plans or seem excited to see you? This one comment alone isn't enough to judge for sure.

If you're feeling unsure, you could always playfully call him out like "what was that supposed to mean exactly?" and gauge his response. Communication is key. But don't overanalyze too much either - just go with the flow and see how things develop between you two!

[Asker]

You’re right. I should look at overall behaviour. He is always engaged. He doesn’t initiate dates but he is always excited to meet. We have open communication and he always explains himself when I ask things about him.
I’m meeting him today on fourth date. I’m planning to ask him what he thinks about him and me and if he wants to continue seeing. Do you think it’s appropriate to do a temperature check now by saying that?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, I think having an honest chat about where you guys stand is a good idea. The fourth date is usually around when people start to figure out if they want to keep seeing each other or not. His behavior so far like being engaged when you're together and excited to meet up sounds positive. And the fact that you can openly communicate is also good.

I wouldn't overthink that weird comment too much since the rest of how he acts shows interest. Having a direct talk will clear the air. Maybe just say something like "I really enjoy spending time with you. How are you feeling about us and where you see this going?" That gives him a chance to openly say if he's feeling it too. Don't come on too strong though - you still want things to be casual and fun at this stage. But a check-in is smart so you both know you're on the same page. Good luck! Let me know how it goes.

[Asker]

He and I met shortly after this comment of his. Then slept on the same date. Next date, I asked what you mentioned that how he feels about us. He said I’m only dating you and I’m seeing you because I like you. We decided we are only seeing each other. Then we slept again and two days later, he called it off saying he isn’t feeling enough romantically attracted to me. I cried (not in front of him) and analyses everything from the beginning and figured he was in it for the sex only. That’s how it went. I have no feelings for him and I know he will chase me now but his role in my life is over.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that really sucks. What a jerk that guy was. It definitely sounds like he just wanted you for sex and wasn't actually that into you as a person. I can't believe he slept with you twice and then dumped you so coldly after. That's super messed up.

You're right not to have any more feelings for him - he clearly showed his true colors. And good for you for not crying in front of him, that would have just given him satisfaction. It hurts now but you're well rid of him. Don't let him wiggle his way back in if he tries to chase you again. You deserve way better than a shallow guy like that.

His loss, not yours. Now you're free to find someone who actually cares about you and wants to be with you for the right reasons. Don't let this jerk make you afraid to put yourself out there again when you're ready. Most guys aren't like this, even if it seems that way sometimes. You'll bounce back - keep your head up!

[Asker]

Yes, a very selfish guy indeed. I’m taking a break and I don’t know if I’ll ever trust a guy again. Thank you for your kind words and advise!

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem, that's what friends are for! And yeah, I totally get why you'd be wary of trusting guys again after that mess. Take all the time you need - there's no rush. Focus on yourself for a while and do stuff you enjoy.

Hang out with your friends too, we'll help keep your mind off it. And don't be too hard on all guys, remember we're not all selfish jerks like that dude! Once you're feeling better I'm sure you'll meet someone deserving of your trust. But for now just do you. We're here if you ever need to vent some more too. You'll get through this for sure.

[Asker]

Thank you for your kind words! Means a lot!

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem, glad I could help cheer you up a bit! That's what friends are for. You seem like a really cool girl, don't let some lame dude get you down. Just remember there are way better guys out there who would treat you right. My DMs are always open if you need someone to listen. Hang in there! Hopefully we can all meet up this weekend and take your mind off things for a bit. I'll buy the first round of snacks too ;)

[Anonymous]

Definitely sounds like flirting, if you want something serious then be sure that’s what he wants as well. Especially if you go along with his attempt at setting.

[Asker]

Yeah we both are looking for serious life partner. I understand what you mean though and I’ll make sure things only progress sexually when he and I are exclusive else I’m not going to sleep with him casually.
Thank you for not just sharing your opinion but giving me advise so I don’t get into situationship with him.

[DishLady]

He’s flirting but he’s also gross.

[Asker]

So gross in a bad way? I mean the situation demands that, right?