How do I overcome my fear of making advances on women at work and at university?

[Anonymous]

I have very limited opportunities to meet women socially because I'm very busy with making a career now. At work I feel it's inappropriate and at university nobody flirts or does anything and it feels like breaking social rules. We never go out because it's a part time course and we barely meet each other.

[Anonymous]

First of all, get over the idea that the fear will go away. It won't. That's hardwired in, unfortunately. Instead, your goal is to be able to continue to function IN SPITE of the fear. And by function, I just mean get over your fear and approach.

Here are a few thoughts on where (and where NOT) and how (and how NOT) to proceed.

First off, don't hunt at at work. That's a pretty risky proposition, so the bar for an approach is MUCH higher than for a random girl. Namely, if you ARE going to approach a girl at work, you need to 1) make sure you have a VERY high percentage shot (so she's CLEARLY signaled interest in you, and 2) this is a girl you REALLY can't afford to pass up (that is, you find her unbearably hot--not just "yeah I'd do her" hot). The cost of fucking up at work is HIGH. And if you're going to learn the skill of approaching women you are GOING to fuck up--so don't practice in a place that would potentially have negative consequences

Where you SHOULD be working on getting dates is at university, online, and in the real world out and about. Get your online dating profile fired up and start swiping right. At school talk to EVERYONE you meet and mobilize groups of people to go out and do events. And in the real world, pick up hobbies you care about and meet girls there.

Good luck!

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Use dating apps, with cold approaches its always a hit and miss if she's even interested and aviable. At least on apps you know she's at least somewhat interested or aviable.

Better than both would be a warm approach like trough friends of friends, already having rapport with them trough shared class/work/hobby and having talked before.

Just going up on strangers minding their own buisness will give you more rejections than its worth.

[DishLady]

There are SO MANY laws against dating students. Colleagues and other staff at UNI that I wound never bother trying to connect with anyone there. Go outside that circle and find socials to attend and meet a nice person.

[RedInnocent69]

Be cautious at work. At school, it’s almost the point. It’s trite to say just be confident. Honestly, go to a strip club. Attractive girls will come up to you to talk you into getting dances. It’s a type of practice. When you realize even the hottest girls are just people too, it will become easier in real life.

[ApplePie409]

Practice. Do you want help?