Do you guys think I did too much and was too hard on the girl?

[Anonymous]

I found out that my boyfriend was messing with a girl he works with. They have done many things together including have sex at his home, which I consider my home as well because he is my boyfriend. He was even planning a big “special” date for the two of them. They have gone on walks, held hands, they have kissed on multiple occasions. He was even planning on making a routine out of going to the gym with her. He told her that I was just an ex that he got his “rocks off” with and said, before they had sex, that sex with me would stop if they started to be sexual together. When I saw and found out all this just by reading text messages I texted her from his phone and told her that I was the girl he was currently living with and asked if she would tell me what was going on between them. She didn’t respond. So, I texted her the same thing from my phone. She still didn’t respond. Two weeks went by and I still had heard nothing from her until I saw a bunch of messages coming into his phone this morning and from the context of the messages she was responding to a conversation they had in person at work about him asking her to come over after work and cuddle. It seems she was hesitant to say yes. So, she went home and thought on it and that’s when the messages started to come in. She was saying how it no longer felt right to be that way with him anymore and explained to him why she had already put a stop to other things they were doing before she found out about me. Which tells me he was still pursuing her even after he knew she knew the full truth about me. Long story short, I texted her and told her that since she didn’t want to talk to me that she needed to stop texting him because it was like she was considering still messing around with him even though she knew about me. All the things she told him, about having morals and doing what’s right and ending things with him, she could have told me. Her conscious seemed to kick in too late and that was what frustrated me.

[Oliverlogan263]

From what you described, I completely understand why you were upset and felt the need to confront both her and your ex-boyfriend about what happened. However, confronting her directly multiple times was probably taking it too far and won't make you feel any better. Some thoughts:

- She clearly didn't respect your relationship, but continuing to lash out at her won't change what happened or fix things with your boyfriend.

- You did the right thing standing up for yourself initially by asking her intentions. But continuing contact kept the drama going.

- This is ultimately between you and your ex - she was wrong, but he's the one who really betrayed your trust as the boyfriend.

- It's understandable to feel hurt and angry, but prolonged conflict risks making you look insecure or aggressive.

- The high road is cutting contact with both of them cleanly. Don't give them space in your mind anymore.

I say learn from this, hold your head high, then close that chapter and don't look back. You deserve way better. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about YOU. Stay strong - you've got this!

[Egyptiannn]

I don't know I disagree. The other woman wasn’t wrong at all. She clearly said he was telling her that she was his ex and not his current girlfriend. With that knowledge she assumed he was single until the girlfriend texted her and told when otherwise but the OP also said the woman stopped doing the things she was previously doing with her boyfriend after she found out about her. She even cut him off and told him it wasn’t right. It makes sense while she didn’t cut ties right away because she was probably confused, hurt and wanted to know more. The only person who seems to be at fault here is the guy. The OP too kind of because it seems the only reason she cared about her boyfriend cheating is because the woman didn’t text her back, had she texted her back and told her everything then she would be oaky with it. That’s what I’m getting.

[jahaims]

You think she is the problem? Your boyfriend is a cheater dummy

[strateguy632]

that was reasonble

[Anonymous]

Dump him if this concerns you so much.