Is it bad to visit a guy for few days if we are long distance? My mom will be angry help?

[Anonymous]

I’ve never had a boyfriend & im 27 soon.

I met a guy that I have a lot in common with 2 months ago , but we only met once as he had return back home which is a far state. He’s coming to see me this month & it might be for few days. So I need pack a small suitcase for my mini trip. But I live with my mom as it’s tradition in family you can move out until marriage. Eveyone is my life is married & I’m youngest left that never had a first boyfriend nor marriage.
my mom never wants me to have sex. Nor have babies with my husband. i already bought a suitcase & she’s angry & saying why I bought that? I put the suitcase in my car tonite as I want exhange it for a cuter one. & she again is telling me where am I going? Why u put clothes in that thing? I told her I’m going to exhange it 🙁

my mom will be miserable when she finds out I leave for few days with this new potiential boyfriend/ partner. Serious things like this makes her miserable. When I come home she’ll want beat me for doing this & beat me for punishment. it gives her misery thought of me sleeping in same bed with my boyfriend & going on vacation. we don’t stay in a hotel rather in an Airbnb but still that pisses her off even more. However to me it’s soemthing blissful as I’ve never gone on a trip with guy nor sleep in same bed with a guy & it’s my dream as you know all girls sleep in bed with husband.

[Lliam]

I don't know what culture you come from. But your mom is wrecking your life.
She has zero respect for you and seems determined to cause you harm. There is definitely something wrong with her.

I would have rebelled and moved out years ago.

Do you have any education or employment skills?
Can you get a job?
Do you have any money saved up?
You should seek your own apartment and learn to be independent. Let your mom chew on that.
Make some friends.

I think you did well by establishing a relationship with a guy, even it it's still in the beginning stages. Keep working on it.
Even it if it doesn't work out in the long run, don't give up. There are lots of guys who want marriage and babies with girl like you.

You got this, girl.

Have confidence. Build your self-esteem and self-image. I'm sure you are very sweet and pretty.

In the meantime, go on the trip. Assume that it's going to be wonderful and that he will adore you. Immerse yourself in the experience of being joyful, carefree and having fun. Forget about your mom.

The world is wondrous and has so much to offer.

If she tries to beat you when you return, block her hands, grab her wrists, tell her to settle down or you will call the police. Don't cry or show weakness. Show her that you are as strong as she is, that you are no longer a little girl, and that she is powerless against you.

You've been abused for far too long. You're a gown woman now.

Yes, you can report the bitch to the police or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799. SAFE (7233) if she physically abuses you.

[adam6402]

I'm going to be blunt and straight here.

Tell your mom to kindly fark off and go enjoy your trip with this man.

She can't keep you under lock and key and prevent you from enjoying your life, you're old enough to make your own decisions now. You're not doing anything wrong if you go on this trip with your man. Even from a religious perspective, as long as you don't have sex with him before marriage then what's the big deal about staying away with him for a few days?

Also, the fact your mom doesn't want you to have sex or kids even after marriage suggests to me that she's way too obsessive and controlling and you deserve to live the life you want. DO IT and stop looking over your shoulder at your mom.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

Maybe just tell her you're going to sleepover at one of your bestie's houses for a few days and help them with stuff? I know lying is probably the last thing you'd want to do, but if she's that controlling maybe it's better to. My mom isn't too keen on me dating either because of the fact 1. Neurodiverse and 2. Just being a late flower. But she'll still let me date someone as long as she gets to know who it is first before I go on a date with a stranger. But she's just being protective of me. Your mom on the other hand is being way too controlling. I hope everything goes well with your new (and very first) boyfriend though. Just don't have sex with him right away though, let the relationship guide you slowly. Once you figure out if this is the guy you want to commit to, then get serious and discuss things like sex & marriage later on to see where he's at and what he wants.

[Asker]

He’s not my boyfriend I neevr had a boyfriend. No guy wants to be my boyfriend. No guy wants to meet my family. I can’t get any guy to meet family.

[Asker]

My dream is have a boyfriend and it feels like it’ll neevr come true

[PBandJ_Nerd]

Ah. So, then a potential boyfriend, but not the official title of boyfriend if that's correct? And I'm sure you'll find a guy who does want you.

[Asker]

A guy that will want me prob will be a guy I don’t like. I thought a boyfriend was a guy that u like and he likes u back?

Even if guys supposivly say they like me , no one wants meet family.

[osmanthus]

I'm going to be straight with you, Honey. Ditch your mom, for real; she's likely a narcissistic bitch. You can't fix her and you don't have to put up with her demands and abuse (assaults of both verbal and physical). Such person is not on your side and doesn't care for you or about you. They only want your downfall and misery because their life is shit and they can't get it together themselves. Jealousy. Envy. Whatever you call it your mom isn't your friend. Sure, she may have financial obligation to see to your basic needs but it's best that you become independent fast (get a steady job and residence apart from her) so you can live without her antagonizing you about what normal people do (have sex with and bear children with their spouse).

[Asker]

I m worried I’ll never hav a future as no guy wants be my serious boyfriend meet family. I e never had a boyfriend & I want marriage , live with a guy & have 4 babies. This is the issue. I hav no guy go take me away from nest say let’s live together I love u no guy loves me

[osmanthus]

Most people date around for about 3-6 months before having a discussion about what they want from the relationship (just friends or marriage or other). For you, my dear, I don't suggest putting out (having pre-marital sex) with just a guy you've met once. Don't bother going out of your way for most guys or just any guy that flirts with you. Trust me. Men aren't nice enough to return the favor of any empathy or sympathy, readily. It takes weeding out the schlubs from the decent people and that's hard for most.

[Asker]

I don’t have sex with one guy on first date I wait one year for sex and still he use me for sex don’t want meet family.

I just don’t think the right guy exists for me. No guy wants meet parents and I’m almost 30. My life is empty and hallow I will need marry a guy that I don’t like to have comitment & babies

[osmanthus]

Have you tried arranged marriage gatherings? Plenty of those for some communities wherein the focus is soley marriage. That is, if you absolutely can't wait it out.

[osmanthus]

There is a possibility that you might meet someone you will eventually like via these gatherings but the choice is yours. Do for yourself or your family. Just knos that if you choose yourself last and feel regret later then you can't go back and undo it all.

[Asker]

The issue is not liking a guy. The guys I like dont want baby Marriage or be my officla serious girlfriend.
I cannot find a guy that wants meet family for 27 years. I’ve never had a real relationship.

No guy wants give me a chance. Only one guy wanted be my boyfriend and marry me but he lived in Ireland 15 hrs away & I wasn’t that into him but was willing settle for him but he was too far we never met.

[Asker]

The first guy I dated wasted my time many years and don’t want meet family , no trips no pics with me no marriage , never live together.

So I dump him wen I’m 25.

The one guy I fell in love with was my crush and I loved him back. But we were both shy and didn’t exchange numbers and we got fired so we lost contact.

[Asker]

Now since 3 months ago I met a new guy from far state , that’s my crushes lookalike. And no he’s not a hot guy it’s a nerdy average guy. But we r trying to meet soon this month or next month finally

[Asker]

I don’t have normal love life like all girls. God has made me suffer a lot in having love and romance.

[codytoe]

I say do your thing, if you're looking for permission to do what makes you happy then my advice is that you don't need permission from anyone but yourself. You're an adult so you make your own choices. Tradition is tradition but your mom needs to understand that you are your own person and that you're no longer a child and you don't need her permission to live your life the way you see fit. She can't expect you to be alone and celebate your whole life that would be a miserable existence. She will still be your mom and will still love you even if she is angry for a while and who knows maybe this guy will be perfect for you and maybe he won't but don't waste your life trying to make everyone else happy and follow your bliss. The time passes faster than you'd think.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

You are human, not a prisoner. Are you going to marry your mom and live with her for the rest of your life?

If no, then move out. This is toxic. If you're going to always think about her you will never be free. You're an adult and deserve to be happy!

[DishLady]

First of all, if you’re 27 there’s nothing anyone can do to stop you. There’s no tradition forcing you to stay with your mom if you want to leave and go live your life. There’s nothing forcing you to come back to a situation where you ALLOW yourself to be beaten up by anyone at all. Period.


Sounds like you’re using an ldr as an excuse to get out of a toxic family environment for a few days…. Why not just leave?

[Asker]

Everyone in my fmaily moved out because they got married & I hav bad luck& still at 27 don’t have a first boyfriend no guy wants meet family & marry me. That’s y I’m stuck living alone.

I want move out until I have a boyfriend & he proposes me to live with him. I don’t want live alone 😞 I want life with a guy have babies.

[Asker]

I pray one day this guy asks me to live with him & proposes to me & we meet families

[DishLady]

Ok… but this whatever you call it situation with your family is toxic. Why would anyone want to marry into that situation?

“Alone” is a state of mind. Living on your own will prevent you from hiding and doing ALL THE BS you’re doing right now just to see a guy you barely know.

[Asker]

But I want to get married have a husband , you are saying why would anyone want marry me due to my family? 😓my family is very nice, I just have issues where my mom doesn’t want me to have sex never. To make it worse I got bad luck & no guy is marrying me & my family got away with marriage fast so they hav sex whenever they want

[Asker]

Like I said I want move out with a boyfriend, until then I will keep waiting for a guy to propose me to live with him.

[osmanthus]

Agree. She doesn't need the man as some excuse to leave, especially if she's financially capable and can live alone.

[osmanthus]

Most men are marriage shy or won't marry. Don't keep your hopes up and don't deliberately use a person as an excuse to leave this situation with your mom. Granted, if the guy is decent and wants to help you anyway, then he can haul you up until you can find work or other.

[osmanthus]

Let the guy know what your intentions are right from the start. Don't drag your feet or his (prolong a relationship that isn't going anywhere). If he hasn't engaged you to be wed after 2 years, well, you can leave the relationship but don't stay out of hope.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Do you have any learning difficulties? Are you of sound mind?

If your answers to the above are, 'no' then 'yes', I think you should stand up for yourself and tell your mother it is about time you were allowed to live your life as you see fit..

[Asker]

That doesn’t solve anything, she’s type to cry of misery & throw a fit & not let me leave

[Asker]

Am I doing soemthing wrong by having a far fun mini trip with this new guy? Am I doing something bad by sleeping together in the same bed?

I’m ok do this with him cuz he feels like my partner even tho we just met once LOL & I always wanted sleep with a guy like a husband he’s first guy I slept with in same bed actually

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm sorry you feel it doesn't solve anything standing up to your mother. but having to sneak around to have the experiences of life you want to live.. ? I would ask why your mother is so against you being happy! Is she frightened that if you meet someone you like, you'll run off and leave her on her own? Because that is more likely to happen if you have to escape to enjoy life.

[Asker]

We’ll I’m 27 soon & never had a first boyfriend. I don't know what’s there to be scared of if I’m super late to leave the nest and be married. Everyone except for me got married at age 21-25

[Asker]

Besides we don’t even know if this guy will be my serious boyfriend & meet my family or marry me. I’m just going to a mini trip few days.

What’s so bad of sleeping in same bed with this guy if all husbands do that? Why doesn’t that being her joy? To me I’d rather do this than a boring date at movie theater. I’m
Already 27 . Casual dates not enough for me.

[Asker]

She wants me to neevr have sex, and she says 27 is too young to have sex, so I tell her if I get married today, will she still be complaining of sex?

[TommyMountainFigure]

Just to be clear, I am completely on your side in all of this, I think your mother is very wrong!

[Asker]

It’s bad for for a mini trip with this new guy I met once? It bad sleep in same bed with a boyfriend? It bad us stay in a rented house alone rather than a hotel? Like I said no guy has ever slept in same bed with me never had sleepover my entire life with a boy…..

[TommyMountainFigure]

Let me explain something.. If your mother was being more reasonable and let you life your life, you would be able to date regularly and not have to sneak behind her back..
A sensible mother would say he could stay at your house, so she knows you are safe.. Who knows what could happen to an inexperienced woman on her own and nobody knows you are there! I think your mother is a fool and heaven forbid anything happens to you? THEN she will wake up and realise he mistakes!

[Asker]

She wants to meet him but that won’t happen i don’t have good luck where guys fast agree & want meet my family. No guy has met family or been my first boyfriend & im 27 almost.

The only guy that wanted meet her on the first time we both meet was a guy in Ireland. He wanted marriage & take care of me but mom deny me meet him & deny him spend Christmas with us. She also deny him sleep at our house.

So we never met but Ireland is too far anyways and I wasn’t that into him.

Then the only guy I loved & felt was my soulmate was my crush at job but we only had 3 days to meet talk & we messed up & didn’t exhange numbers. Then we got fired same month so then I met this guy that’s his lookalike from another state ….

Weird right I know.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Weird yes, but what I said initially about standing up to your mother. It seems to me like you need to for your own piece of mind.. I'm not talking about having a blazing row with her, but a calm woman to woman talk about now being a time of your life where you need to start making your own choices.

[Asker]

That doesn’t work. She don’t want me to have sex 27 is too young to have sex she says, so we fight & I say 30-50 will be too young for sex?

I don't know she’s like jealous of me going to a trip to see a guy & being happy. She don’t want me have a serious boyfriend it seems.

[osmanthus]

Screw her. Leave anyway. She'll get over it and repeat this crap the next time you make an independent decision for yourself.

[osmanthus]

She probably will. This woman needs to get her own life, because she can't think to live vicariously through you by thinking she could control every aspect of your life. That isn't decency. That's just bat-shit crazy (that's what that is). You're way past age of majority of adulthood for all countries. Honestly. You're an adult. You don't need mommies input on everything or to be d your ass backwards just because she cried a night or two. She'll live.

[osmanthus]

A few tears never killed anybody, as far as I know.

[Asker]

@osmanthus one time I lived alone when I was younger but my family were all against me disowned me becuz I’m not living with a boyfriend or husband married. Then my ssiter in laws were talking shit of me making up lies that I want live alone so I can have sex with random men. That’s disgusting. I’m alone everyday I have no boyfriend to have sex with.

[Asker]

I’m just sad becuase my family all were able leave nest as they got married fast and I’m almost 30 and no guy wants to marry me. My dream is go house hunting with a guy live together not alone.

[Asker]

My dream is have 3 sons but how I’ll have babies if no guy wants future with me & make me pregnant? 😞

[osmanthus]

There's nothing wrong with living alone and not being attached to somebody. A lot of people do that nowadays. The family needs to get their heads out of their judgmental asses. They dislike you, okay, so nothing you do will please them. Ever. Accept it. Move on. Get community help with housing, work, etc. find friends who support you. Ostracism for just wanting to live apart and alone isn't normal in western society but understandable in eastern society. You don't have to follow their manual if you can do it all yourself.

[Asker]

@osmanthus but I want marriage babies my dream is have 3 babies before I’m 30. I don’t want be aloen forver I want a partner. I’m willing comit to an old guy I don’t like to have babies and marriage as I always wanted. I’m not a party girl. I’m not a club girl I’m a wife

[osmanthus]

Let's be honest. This mother is messed up. Her conditional love for you most likely based off of cultural expectations of her having to act the part of mother versus what she actually feels and does to you isn't morally defensible from a human rights perspective. You could even sue your own mother for domestic abuse, if you can prove that throughout childhood she did so. You can charge her for assault as an adult, instead, if she pulls this crap on you again (hitting you).

[Asker]

@osmanthus she says if I live alone no guy will marry me as they’ll see I’m not fmaily oriented girl and want use me for sex if they see I live alone in my house.

[Asker]

She’ll be happy if I at least live with a boyfriend but I can’t get any guy to live with me and want be my first boyfriend ironically!

[osmanthus]

Well, you could just be a spinster. It's a choice some women choose. You could volunteer as a babysitter or other helping children to fill a void or adopt a child and later marry. There are a lot of options to even freeze your own eggs, if you can afford to. Explore them.

[Asker]

@osmanthus I don’t want live alone I want a man a partner. I don’t want be alone with my babies. I want a man and have babies live life with a man. Life a future with a man. Be apart of a man’s fmaily

[osmanthus]

There's even an option to have artificial insemination without marriage or a spouse. A doctor who specializes in this and has a pool of sperm donors could help you, there.

[Asker]

@osmanthus I don’t want that. I want life with a man. I never said I want live alone forveer with my babies. I want a man and raise my babies with a man. Be apart of his family , spend time with his fmaily. I want a life with a man.

[Asker]

I DONT want have babies and be alone forever I don’t want that.

[osmanthus]

So, no, you don't have to do everything straight from point A to B. You can have some of what you want now and possibly the rest, later. In any case, find some reason to be happy, I understand, can be difficult, even if you don't have it all. It's always going to be a struggle between both happy and not so happy days. That's normal.

[Asker]

@osmanthus I Need a partner first becuz I’m lonley. I Desiré celebrate holidays with a man but hav no guy meeting family and showing you to family party with me. My entire family r happy showing up to holidays with their man and I’m alone no one talk to. Can’t dress up. My life is wasting away.

[osmanthus]

In no way do you need to have sex with a male to get pregnant and that's a blessing for some women. You don't have to have the donor be legalized as a father or your spouse, either. Many donors can be known or unknown for various reasons. Choose your type.

[Asker]

@osmanthus listen I don’t want have babies alone I want live with a man have life with a man. I refuse have babies and be single!!!

[osmanthus]

Some people are willing to be birthers (people who get paid to have their eggs inseminated for someone else) then give their child away for adoption to the person or couple with forfeiture of legal obligations of care toward the child.

[osmanthus]

Whatever route you choose, please have social responsibility and prioritize the care of the child first (adequate food, shelter, education, and care from others). This doesn't mean you have to have assumed identity of their mother or if you had to have them fostered into another family for whatever reason. Just ascertain they are being properly cared for and if you suspect they aren't get a social worker to intervene.

[osmanthus]

This is especially true if you suspect medical neglect (that the family isn't tending to their health issues adequately).

[Asker]

@osmanthus just stop. Lol I said I want a partner first then have babies. Not be single and alone with babies

[Asker]

Please stop

[osmanthus]

Just choose the next dick-hard then! If he beats the shit out you then blame yourself!

[osmanthus]

Stay with the fucker just because you're afraid to be lonely. I don't want to bash you but you can't expect the whole world to suddenly kneel at your feet, ma'am, sometimes you have to take risks and do things you don't like.

[osmanthus]

You're not the only girl whining her ass of like this and not getting whatever she wants, either.

[osmanthus]

And yes, I did type correctly: girl. Not woman. A matured person.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Your grown you can move out whenever you want. So what if you never get married you're gonna live with you mom forever. Tell you mom to relax and go live you life. You have to get away from her she's turning you into a basket case and she's stifling your growth. Go have fun just be careful let a friend know where you going and if you have sex do it responsibly use protection so you don't get pregnant cause you know if you do she never let you live that down

[BetaBucks]

Get away from your mom. She's emotionally blackmailing you and destroying your life to cater to her own selfish needs. She's a narcissist. Go read about borderline personality disorder and narcissist personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

''Am I doing soemthing wrong by having a far fun mini trip with this new guy? Am I doing something bad by sleeping together in the same bed?''

You can discover the answer by asking the following. Is what you are planning to do wise? Are your actions likely to bring long term benefit and advancement in your life, and are your actions of the flesh or of the spirit.

[meepmeeperton]

I was joking on one of your last posts that your mom gives you spankings, but I didn’t think It’d be true… she beats you at 27? Like, she hits your butt with a belt?

[slatyb]

You are 27. Do what you want. If your mother doesn't like it, move out. Or let her continue to run your life.

[Asker]

I can’t move out as my family tradition is move out til marriage. & I have bad luck & everyone got married & no guy wants be my first boyfriend meet family & marry me. That’s y I’m alone and 27

[Asker]

I did move out once when I was 23 to a studio but my family were all against me & angry. As I’m not married & then brothers wife& sister were spreading lies that I’m having sex with random guys at my studio that’s y I want live alone and that wasn’t true I’m not a whore 😡

I lived alone cuz all adults live alone i felt sucesssful. But I don’t want live alone again without a boyfriend or husband. 😞 all girls live with a boyfriend & I want the same. I want live with a guy. It’s miserable living alone.

[slatyb]

You can't control when or whether a man will enter a relationship with you. You can only control yourself. Or you can let your parents control you.

[Asker]

Yes that’s y I pray soon I can live with a boyfriend. I don’t want to live alone I want move out with a boyfriend. Not alone.

[Asker]

My point is, is it bad me to see a guy for few days? Is it bad we hav a mini trip, sleep in same bed together like married couple?

[Asker]

He’s almost my boyfriend. I hope he is my serious boyfriend soon. I pray for this

[slatyb]

Not at all. That's totally normal. Adults have sex. Mature adults prevent unwanted pregnancy and disease transmission.

[Asker]

My fmaily only had sex until marriage aagin I’m the only perosn in my family that isn’t married but that’s cuz I have bad luck no guy wants to even be my first boyfriend. I’ve been crying for 27 years as no guy loves me and wants be my boyfriend. I cannot find my person my soulmate. It’s taking too long.

[gilmoregirls_456]

it's not wrong for you to want to do that! i say go for it

[Joshgag2000]

Something doesn’t add up you are 27 correct? Why is your mother treating you like you are a teenager? You are an an adult and you need to move out and do your own life.

[Asker]

Yea I’m almost 27 soon and she treats me like a teenager. I don’t live with a boyfriend as I never had a boyfriend as no guy wants be my serious boyfriend and meet family. It’s my dream have a serious first real boyfriend

[Asker]

But all my family got good luck and found fast and easy thier partner and I can’t find my partner

[Staximus]

Just do what you want and she will get used to it

[Cheerfull009]

Better you request your boyfriend to visit you and meet your mom, and then you can convince your mom to go in relationship with your proposed boyfriend

[Asker]

I’m 27 and never had a guy meet my mom. Guys reject me and don’t want meet family. I’ve unable get a serious boyfriend

[Asker]

The only guy that wanted meet fmaily was a guy that lived 15 hrs away so it didn’t work

[Likes2drive]

You’re old enough to do what you want and it’s just a few days, your mom sounds too controlling

[Asker]

To her a vacation or trip with guy means sex. And that it’s serious having trip with guy. And that is not good in her eyes and yes she’s controlling.

But isn’t it good do serious things?

[Asker]

Wen I was younger I used to live alone but at that time I didn’t do serious things so I didn’t travel or go to trip to see a guy no.

But now that I need do that I’m living with mom bad luck

[Likes2drive]

Yeah not good timing

[Pterodon]

Just go and have fun. You’re an adult and can make your own decisions

[noohair]

OMG! Are you a slave? How can you have a life? Do you work? Can you get your own place?

[strangerguy888]

Just don't let your mom know

[Asker]

She’s home all day. We share bedroom we can’t afford a Two bedroom , if I open the door fast she wakes up & yells where am I going!!!

[Asker]

Am I doing something wrong by sleeping in same bed with this new guy? He’s first guy I’ve done this as I’ve never done serious things ever nor had a first boyfriend.

Is it bad I go for a mini trip few days? I don't know y all this will make my mom miserable & beat me

[MacDaddyRico]

27 years old and momma's still running your life?

[andy530]

I don’t think it’s bad at all

[caringguy56]

Would you like to marry him?

[Asker]

We’ll woman have no power. Only guys can decide. Woman can’t buy a ring& propose. So why it Matters. It’s just a fantasy in my head of a guy marrying me. It won’t come true

[Asker]

If no guy has ever met my family or wants be my first boyfriend then that means illl never get married.

[caringguy56]

You will find soon hopefully

[caringguy56]

If you wants marriage with your long distance friend.. just tell your mom that you want marriage.. she will allow to let him stay

[Asker]

Let him stay where? This guy has never met my family yet , we r barley going to meet for the second time. We aren’t offical yet

[caringguy56]

I mean if you convience your mom that you gonna married.. she will allow you maybe

[Asker]

She say if I sleep with him for few days on vacation he not gunna marry me never

[caringguy56]

Your mom scared about cheating... do you think that guy can cheat you?

[Asker]

She want me never have sex never have babies even if I’m married

[caringguy56]

Why she wants it

[caringguy56]

Don't she love childs

[Asker]

No she don’t want me be pregnant never