How do you feel when you get ghosted?

[Anonymous]

I personally have never been ghosted but I am guilty of having ghosted several people when I was younger… I have a friend that have been talking to this guy for months, they even went on a couple of dates together (nothing physical happened), she showed me her texts and there was some love and kissy emojis being sent as well. Then out of the blue *poof* he never responded back. My friend tried giving him several calls and texts but still crickets… She’s extremely heartbroken and is left dumbfounded. Things were seemingly going well and now she’s just left out in the cold.

Having been the ghoster seeing my friend go through this absolutely kills me. I wish I could apologize to the people I have ghosted in the past for how immature I acted back in my early 20s… Although, I do feel like some people deserve to be ghosted. My ex for example won’t stop harassing me so the only option for me was to go cold turkey and completely ignore him.

But for those of you who have been ghosted, what emotions did you go through when it happened? Did you make several attempts to get them to respond or did you just give up immediately?

[ProbablyClueless]

Generally speaking I make several attempts to get in touch with the person because I'll usually have some reason beyond social reasons for contacting them. Like, it's not just "I want to talk with _____." I'm contacting them because we had some kind of plan or there was some external factor.

That said, when it becomes obvious that I'm being ghosted, there's usually some combination of surprise, exhaustion and disappointment. It can be a bit hurtful, depending on the context. Some ghosts are shittier than others and I have definitely had ghosts that really stuck the knife in and twisted the blade. No matter the situation, I always have a feeling of are you fucking serious right now? Like, you couldn't just tell me what was up?

Ghosting isn't something that usually happens at logical time either, so there's an element of suuuper disrespect, but also the fact that there's clearly some conflict going on that you just had no idea about that the person is basically punishing you for.

So yeah... you basically just get randomly shat on, usually by someone you thought things were cool with, denied any kind of explanation for what's happening, and then denied the opportunity to respond.

[Asker]

You’re so on point! The fact that it happens so suddenly is what kills me… I’d be less surprised if there were things/problems that lead to the ghosting…

What would you consider to be a “shitty” ghosting tho?

[ProbablyClueless]

Sometimes people ghosts will get really toxic and aggressive out of nowhere before cutting you off. Other times, you'll get people who feel the need to bad mouth you to others. I once had a former friend ghost me and then try to sabotage mutual friendships and relationships, and he did that YEARS after the falling out; it was wild. He has no problem antagonizing me at every chance he gets, but refuses to talk with me.

I know that he took my ex's side in a break up, but I have never once gotten any explanation for his level of hostility towards me.

[Asker]

Wow what a horrible “friend”, glad he ghosted you and left you alone tho… It’s such an immature thing to do, ghosting alone is already immature but to top it off with spreading nonsense about you is just…

[D_Bone_Steak]

Past tense I'd have to say, I felt confused. Like, "What did I do?" But even a fucking retard like me learns after repeated bouts, that women ghost because they have a man they're cheating on... and they just didn't bother to tell you about it... and don't want to explain it to you.

For women, I'd say they get ghosted because they're just not worth the effort. She don't want to understand she's really not a 10, and that dude doesn't wan't to bother explaining that to her. Basically the bullshit dealt with makes her not even worth telling to fuck off.

So all in all... I'm just too old to give a shit about it anymore. If I get ghosted, I might bang a couple hookers to feel better and then I ghost back.

[Asker]

I agree, even I’m too old for this shit. What’s worse is that the guy that ghosted me is in his mid 30s like c’mon… aren’t you told old for these games?

[Yoursweetgirl]

I was ghosted by my friend when I was 13 and I literally blew up his phone and wouldn't stop messaging him for like months. When I grew older, I got ghosted several times by different people and I was always worrying and overthinking if I did or said something bad to me, why were they mad at me and stuff. Now I don't give a fuck because if someone ghosts me it's their problem for not telling me why they mad or smth. Also many people don't reallh ghost you because something happenned, can be they're not just in the mood to talk to you or are going through something.

[Asker]

That’s true! Why waste time worrying over what you did when they’re the ones that was the immature one. I understand tho some people who are struggling have a tendency to ghost, I don’t have any issues when that happens, I just wish they’d reach out bcs I know how much it sucks to be alone

[LostSouls_]

It really hurts when it’s someone you got along with really well. One day telling you how much they like you then treat you as tho you never existed. Sigh

[woahhh152]

That's how my first love was 💔

[LostSouls_]

No good 💔

[woahhh152]

It was hard to get out of it

[Asker]

For sure… for them to leave you without any explanation is just so cruel! It seems that the ghosting also happens out of nowhere which makes it worse

[Asker]

@woahhh152 aw so sorry you had to go through that… how did you manage to cope with it?

[woahhh152]

I used to have those moments where you cry in the middle of the night cause you are hurt and have no idea where that person is. It's like losing your partner and you have no idea where and how she/he is.

It took me more than 6 months to move on. After 6 months I slowly started to move on. Just had to go through it and get used to not being with that person anymore

[Asker]

@woahhh152 that must’ve been tough… my friend is currently going through something similar, it’s only been 2 weeks but I can see that it’s destroying her. Were you ghosted completely by then? Or did they start pulling away before they ghosted you?

[woahhh152]

She completely ghosted out of nowhere

[Asker]

@woahhh152 that’s cold and very immature of her… I’m glad you managed to slowly move on from this though. I can imagine how confusing and painful it was to be on your shoes… you deserve better!

[woahhh152]

Thanks! Have you been through it as well?

[Asker]

@woahhh152 I was a ghoster back when I was younger. I’ve been blocked before but it didn’t affect me bcs the guy was a good for nothing and I didn’t give into what he wanted so whatever but I’ve been seeing how it’s getting so much more common for people to ghost…

[woahhh152]

Oh okay

[Gopackers02]

At first it’ll make me feel like I’m not good enough. But then I focus on myself and making myself better. I recently got blocked by a girl I liked but she was also a close friend nothing intimate just good friends. She blocked me and I was extremely sad for like a week to 2. But then I just used it as motivation to prove that she made a mistake and now I accomplished things that last year I would’ve been terrified of doing and I did those things alone and by choice. Sorry for rambling lol. But I be sad for a little bit but then use it as motivation

[Asker]

That’s great to hear that you managed to turn something sour to something great instead. I’m proud of you!

[MairimBP]

My boyfriend ghosted me for 2/3 days when he knew I was 2 days away from visiting him in another country. It hurts a lot, you don't understand why, you don't have a full disclosure, you start thinking that you are the problem, overthinking. It's awful, I was like you but when people started doing it to me I fully understood how difficult it is.

[Asker]

Omg that’s horrible! Did you end up visiting him still? I can understand why you’d start overthinking worrying about if you did anything wrong tho… it sucks how most of the time people just ghost out of the blue when everything is seemingly going well…

[MairimBP]

Yeah. I'm still here, we already talked about that everything's good. But I messed up yesterday after he cancelled our date (which caused me a huge amount of frustration). Now it's complicated, again... I hope that your friend is feeling better now tho..

[Asker]

I mean it makes sense that you’d feel frustrated whenever he cancels dates, I guess the hurt from the first time he ghosted you from way back when you were about to visit him still lingered so it could’ve triggered you…

I actually haven’t heard back from my friend again, she seems to be just laying low right now. I also hope she’s feeling better now and hopefully have moved on from the ghoster

[Ευδεμονια]

Honestly speaking, since it happened me twice, I felt simply disgusted.
We weren’t meant to be, that’s ok, but those two gave me not even the dignity of an explanation… I mean, it’s sufficient to say “us two don’t get along well so I don’t think we should continue”, that’s perfectly fine… and mature.
But ghosting simply is the most childish and egoistic a person can do to another one. Zero respect for the other person and its sentiments.

[Asker]

Couldn’t agree more! A simple singular text would suffice, just literally go “I’m no longer interested, thanks and bye”, did it turn you off from them after they ghosted you?

I’m still hurting and hoping that he might come back tbh… It was so sudden. Everything was fine and we went on dates and all so I don't know what happened…

[Ευδεμονια]

A text would have been sufficient, but no, they preferred playing with sentiments.
It has been a huge pain, I got frustrated and it has been a turn off in some time…
Also because when I understood the ghosting, I deleted their profile from my phone.

You’re still hurting and you’re only doing a favour to him… he didn’t respect you, you don’t owe him anything. Just block him and cancel his contacts if he doesn’t write you. Think about your health first…

I had the same doubts, after some dates I’ve been ghosted. Everything was fine and we had no contrast, we were getting along well. I still don’t know and it’s been years, but it’s their loss.

[Awesomesauce2005]

I feel as though a part of me has been ripped out of my chest cavity. Even if i had only met her once and we had talked for only a week. My dad says i wear my heart on my sleeve but i feel like there is a strong connection right before im ghosted.

[Asker]

I can relate, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known them for it’s about the connection that you felt with them 😔

[Awesomesauce2005]

Exacty

[HawkPerception]

Like I'm not good enough for the people that I'm into. It definitely lowers my confidence each time. It's easy to say "On to the next... plenty of fish in the sea." but it's another thing to actually believe that.

[Asker]

Can totally understand that, these people just discarded you as easy as that without a thought of how you might feel. They didn’t even spare a few minutes to write a message to respectfully cut you off… moving on is definitely easier said than done

[HawkPerception]

Yeah I always make a mention at least explaining briefly why I'm done communicating with someone. So annoying that most people don't hold themselves to the same standards

[Asker]

I agree, it only takes a couple of seconds… I hope you’ve come to terms with the fact that you being ghosted has nothing to do with you (unless you were being creepy lol) - you’re awesome and I hope you realize that!

[HawkPerception]

Not awesome enough to find a girl for me 😂 Appreciate the words, but they're just words until I find the one 😅

[Asker]

Yeah it’s tough out there tbh… a lot of my girl friends are still struggling to find a decent guy…

[Sonorous]

I haven't been ghosted in years due to not caring about reaching out to people anymore but back in my teenage years it made me feel worthless. Like in a bad way. I still feel worthless but now it's in a good way.

[ProbablyClueless]

Is it really possible to feel worthless in a good way though?

[Sonorous]

@ProbablyClueless - I say a "good way" because I'm able to still be happy even though I fully understand just how worthless I am to many people. So many in this world wish to be viewed extremely highly to the point where their mental health might deteriorate if they do not receive the amount of validation they feel they deserve. But I have gotten to a place where I could be completely alone for the rest of my life & be okay.

[Asker]

Seems like you’re comfortable in your own solitude and that’s awesome! Don’t let anyone mess with your peace

[Sonorous]

Legit! Most of my most fun times I've ever had have been from just being by myself. Don't know why but my brain sees other people as obstacles & liabilities.

[Asker]

Good for you! I’m definitely getting much more comfortable with my own company but then there are still people who I thought was gonna stick around only for them to ghost outta nowhere

[Sonorous]

Now if I were to get ghosted, I don't even take it too personally at all. I think it's best not to take these types of things too personally. Because people who ghost usually do so for reasons that aren't often extremely deep or connected to the core of us.

[Asker]

True true! It’s their problem not mine lol

[Anonymous]

It's disrespectful. The person that ghosts me gets blocked on everything, and ignored permanently. I treat her as if she never existed. If I saw her burning alive in her car, I'd just drive on. That is the level of apathy I have toward those that ghost me.

[Asker]

Yes, they ghosted you so you should treat them as if they really are dead!

[naartjie]

I don’t care anymore tbh. the people that are meant for me won’t ghost me so those that do are doing me a favour

[Asker]

Such an awesome mindset to have! If they ghost then they’re basically dead to you

[naartjie]

Exactly! Funny thing is, in my experience, they ghost you thinking you’ll try reach out etc but when you don’t, that’s what makes them come back. Especially guys that are used to girls not leaving them alone even when the message is clear

[Asker]

Lol yeah! I’ve personally ghosted people before but I did it bcs I really didn’t want them to contact me ever again, it’s interesting to know that some people do it as a game…

[Nikki1989]

I couldn't care less about such trivial matters. I have more important things to worry about.

[Asker]

I wish I had your mindset 😔

[paledreams]

I'm too old at 30 to be ghosted. Lol. Not complaining. In the past I'd say I've felt mixed, a bit annoyed, a bit amused, a bit taken aback.

[Asker]

Ikr! The funny thing is that I still see people in their mid 30s ghosting…

[Sasquach]

Being denied closure in the form of ghosting can be brutal, but I mean these days everyone does it

[Asker]

Sadly yeah it’s gotten so normalized… I’m still itching to get an answer from him but it’s been two weeks so I guess I’ll walk away

[Anonymous]

Just be glad that they ghosted you and didn’t waste your time and humiliated you. It is better for them to ghost you than stay around if they mean no good to you.

[Asker]

That’s true. In a way, them ghosting you shows that they don’t actually care about you

[Anonymous]

I feel like an idiot for thinking she wouldn't easily find someone better than me

[Asker]

That sucks… sorry that happened to you. I’m sure it’s even easier for you to find someone better than her!

But did you make multiple attempts to get her to respond back or did you backed off immediately when you realized she gone ghost?

[Opinion Owner]

It's not easy at all, it's like searching for breathable air on the moon.

I tried a few times, and got a response instead from the guy she replaced me with when she betrayed me

[Asker]

Oh that must’ve stung… you deserve better. She was the idiot for disrespecting you like that. If you don’t mind sharing, how long have you been talking / dating before she ghosted you? And did you notice any signs that she was going to flake on you?

[Opinion Owner]

We were together for 3 years, we knew eachother for 4.

She ignored me a lot, always making excuses for not responding

[Asker]

All I can say is you dodged a bullet, seems like she’s always on the lookout for someone better. She’ll never be satisfied and is stuck with the notion that the grass is greener on the other side when the reality is it isn’t…

I hope this doesn’t affect your self worth in any way, you deserve someone who is able to appreciate you!

[Opinion Owner]

She was a nice lady, but she just didn't love me in the way I loved her.

My previous spouse had her mom fake a su! cide, and I didn't even know she was alive until I messaged her new boyfriend, and begged for him to tell me.

Then she finally told me it was all a fakeout. I was far from a perfect boyfriend, but for her to let me go on, thinking she killed herself until I begged for answers is messed up.

The ex in question helped me get through that, both before and after I learned that my ex was still alive.

But we weren't compatible, and I held onto hope that perhaps I can win her over, I tried to do romantic things for her, but it was unrequited love.

To hear that her new boyfriend, in his words, writes, "I'm f*cking her good, peace." In response to me asking how her mom was doing hurts. I'd like to knock out his front teeth, that would make it hard for him to wear that stupid smirk on his face, but he's not worth it, and if that's who she replaced me with, then she isn't worth it, either. Not anymore

[Asker]

Wow what your other ex did was extremely cruel… to be grieving for a person you thought was dead and only to find that they faked it all so that they could start a new life is just a lot… I can’t believe you had to go through something like that - you’re so strong!

I hope you’re not shutting off from dating completely. You’re young and you have a lot going for you still in the future. You’ll find a girl that will share your shine rather than out that’ll try to dim your light like your exes. It’s clear from the response you got from her new man that he’s not “all that”. They both aren’t worth it. You deserve the best, and they weren’t the best which was why they were removed from your life.

I hope you’re finding the peace to move on from all this, you deserve to be happy and loved!

[Yannae]

It only happened once and I didn't really care.

[Asker]

Yeah we shouldn’t let other people’s actions affect us too much for sure!

[sirderpsalot123]

I'd get over it

[Asker]

Eventually we all will (hopefully lol)

[sirderpsalot123]

Think of being ghosted as dodging a bullet.

[Asker]

That’s a great way of looking at it!

[Iron_Man]

It makes me very upset

[Asker]

How do you cope with it? Do you still make attempts to get them to respond to you?

[Iron_Man]

She does on here

[jahaims]

It's never happened to me

[Asker]

You’re a lucky one! It has never happened to me also thankfully but I’ve been seeing more of my friends around me getting ghosted left and right for no reason and so suddenly

[Emmytexrex]

It's a bad feeling that tears you apart

[Asker]

😔 I can see that… It must’ve felt terrible having someone you seem to really vibe with and for them to disappear for no reason the next second… do you find that you needed closure to move on from it tho?

[OddBeMe]

Since I ghost people, ehh…

[Asker]

If I were the ghoster I’d probably be meh as well tbh

[OddBeMe]

There’s many sides. Folks like me don’t see any point in long emotional goodbyes.

I’d advise just be emotional towards those that positively affect you. Strangely, ghosters also can be the the most loyal. It’s a strange dichotomy we have.

[Asker]

I just feel hurt bcs we were vibing really well, been talking and dating for almost two months then poof… nothing

[OddBeMe]

Well…look at it like this: you dodged a bigger bullet. What if you had more of an emotional tie on them and then they ghost you?

[Asker]

True true. Just gotta look at it as a blessing in disguise

[Jay0102]

I just get pissed off if someone ghost me

[Asker]

Understandable, ghosting is rude

[Jay0102]

I tell everyone that if the dont want to talk to me, just tell me and thell never hear from me again.

[Asker]

Exactly, it’s as easy as that…

[Anonymous]

That doesn't happen to me.

[Asker]

You’re lucky

[Opinion Owner]

If that's the way you want to look at it.

[impalabill77]

I hate it.

[Asker]

Would you take them back if they were to reach out to you again in the future out of the blue?

[impalabill77]

Nope, I would not

[Asker]

Good! They don’t deserve the second chance. Sending you my best wishes!

[impalabill77]

Thank you

[impalabill77]

They cheated on me. So I hate them.

[Asker]

As you should, just cut them out of your life they don’t deserve your time and energy

[impalabill77]

Damn straight. They are nothing but sluts and whores.

[Asker]

They guy that I’ve been talking to (and been on a couple of dates with) seemed to have found a new girl and decided to ghost me out of the blue. I’m so tempted to tell the new girl that he’s been messing with me while he was also chasing her… I’m not about to be petty tho lol

[impalabill77]

I would, but I'm that type of person who would do that.

[Asker]

Yeah we gotta be the bigger person and not stoop down to their level 😌

[impalabill77]

So true.

[MrsVioletta]

Puff i don’t care

[Asker]

The only correct answer tbh lol

[Dan_5001]

It's childish.

[Asker]

It sure is…