I never had a girlfriend until my early 30s, is it wrong that I feel like a forever permanent incel because of that?

[Anonymous]

I will admit, i'm not proud of it, that it took me longer than the average typical person to get into their first relationship, it didn't last though, over a year though, since i was a late bloomer, i know i will forever be angry and bitter, resentful, and i remember one guy told me:

Why would you be bitter once you got what you wanted? Even if it took that long why does it matter? You can still enjoy the fruits of your labor now", i got very pissed off when he said that to me, very pissed off, because i wish it happend earlier but i can't do anything about that now, sadly can't.

Yeah, i know i share this mindset with other men worldwide, we feel if we had been born a woman, we would not have been alone or single that long, since women naturally by default, have lots of options due to being on the receiving end of sexual attention.

Lots of people will say that everyones timeline is different, but yeah, it should be obvious, the normal tradition timeline of dating is, if you don't have your first relationship in your teens, then its at least expected to happen by the beginning of your 20s, that never happend to me unfortuneately.

Yeah i'm not afraid to admit that i have hated being born male or born a man over the years, and whenever people say get a sex change, that makes me more mad because people who get sex changes don't automatically become the other sex, they still retain elements of the gender they were born, reason why i've hated being born male, is because, well for all time, men have always had to do all the work or effort in order to start a heterosexual relationship, men always having to approach women and taking the lead, and i don't see that ever changing, thats normal or natural as Lions and Tigers being carnivores instead of herbivores.

Updates

1 y

sometimes i just get filled with so much anger and rage of the cards i was dealt with for being born male, gosh, IT FUCKIN' PISSES ME OFF OF MEN ALWAYS HAVING TO TAKE THE LEAD, I HATE TAKING THE LEAD WITH A HUGE GOD DAMN PASSION!!!

Updates

1 y

i know i will never get over this, i will always be bitter and angry, resentful, towards people who got to date or have relationships around the traditional normal timeline, either teenage years or very early 20s, 18-25 age range, not everyone gets to date or be in love very early, very young in life. Not everyone gets to be normal.

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1 y

i will always be angry and pissed off about this, i get filled with more anger and rage whenever people and society make arguments as to why its better to be a man

[Ευδεμονια]

I honestly felt like reading myself while reading your story.
I’m alone, I’ve never been in a relationship due to problems with opening myself and having self confidence, and I always thought that if I was a woman it would have been completely different.
I once saw the inbox of some friend girls and it was terrifying to see the amount of messages of desperate people there asking for a date or so.


Said that, I can relate with your anger. Anger issues are a thing if you got always frustrated you still need time to let it vent, since years and years of frustration aren’t easy to cancel. Don’t worry and embrace it a bit, don’t give yourself a fault, since you accomplished one of your missions (you’re in a relationship!), just enjoy your relationship and you’ll see your anger venting a bit and diminishing gradually.

[PeachyPie93]

Get therapy you have a bunch of anger for no reason. I know plenty of guys who have multiple options to get gfs, it has nothing to do with being a guy or a girl. It has to do with how good looking you are, how out going you are, how good at socializing and reading cues from others, how much you actually leave your house, do you dress decent? are you friendly? All these things matter in life and in socializing. You kind of have to conform to society if you want things to be easy, if you don't, it will always be hard. Plus being mad about the past or about you having to take the lead.. what is that doing for you besides wasting more of your energy and life? Go take the lead, get a girl and have sex because you sound very sexually frustrated and being angry at the past isn't going to get you laid bud lol. Also in my first relationship I had to take the lead because he wasn't even going to tell me he liked me. So stop bitching, go take steps to make your life better or you really will be a pathetic incel the rest of your life and perhaps even a mass shooter lol.

[Asker]

yup because a mans social skills impact his ability to get laid or attract women a lot more than the other way around, but yeah, if a guy never takes the lead, nothing will happen. yeah, i sometimes wonder, why no one is owed anything in regards to relationships

[PeachyPie93]

I took the lead in both my relationships. I told them I liked them first, I also kissed them first and got the ball rolling. You kind of need to take the lead if you want something to happen in life. People are not owed anything, life is not always a fair game but if you wanna win, you have to play.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Peachy has listed many important ideas here lol

Asker, it does you no good to hate your gender, it is like hating your foot or your arm. There are ways to break the hate cycle, it could be therapy, it could be spiritual belief, it could be family or friends. There are ways !

[Asker]

well i know i share this mindset with a large portion of men worldwide, why can't women come after men too right? why can't a woman ask a guy out for once?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

You're wrong, women come after men, each day, on this planet, women do ask out. As a whole, on this planet, they do. Search, you will find testimonies of this, it exists. Now it depends on your surroundings, where you live, your city, your country, your personality and so many factors could explain why it doesn't happen to you.

But asking the world to be as you wish, it doesn't work and it never will, the only possibility you have is to find your way into the world.

[PeachyPie93]

You really should get into therapy.. because honestly you will feel better. Else what are you gonna do? Keep whining? transition into a woman? Life will still suck unless YOU change. You can't change the world so you have to change what you can. Seriously a therapist can teach you how you can plan and change your thought process to get you going on a better track. Look how you say you want to kill people, just cuz they tell you to man up, why? Because you are not changing or trying to make your own life better. Even if you were born a girl if you are not that pretty and you are this pessimistic. You would still have the same outcome, no guys would be asking you out. Look at me I was shy for years only got bfs online and it was cuz I made the move. No guy has ever asked me out in person, I've been checked out a few times, and 2 times guys asked me for my number and a couple guys came up and talked to me but I had a boyfriend at those times but that is it! Lol We don't have guys asking us out constantly, especially if you don't look like a model.

[LazerBean]

Yeah, it is wrong and it pretty much shows why you have struggled so hard in that area. You need a therapist. And you probably need to slap your parents for failing so terribly in their upbringing.

[Asker]

why is it wrong? yeah, and yet i'm supposed to love and enjoy my role as a man, i never have and never will

[LazerBean]

That's a you problem and a your parents problem

[Asker]

and how did my parents fail me?

[LazerBean]

Obviously by failing to raise an adequate adult with problem solving skills

[Asker]

yup and only men are meant to be problem solvers, solution oriented

[LazerBean]

Well then I guess I'm glad that you agree with me that they failed to raise you to be a man

[Asker]

yeah, men have to be raised differently than women do

[Asker]

obviously, women who have a mentality or a mindset like i do, will normally not struggle to get dates or to get into a relationship, but men will who have my mindset and mentality.

[Asker]

yup and i'm sure your husband was the one who asked you out and hit on you, courted you, etc., that gender role has always filled me with anger and rage being born a guy

[mateta_haidara]

@LazerBean What a smartass you are.

[Anonymous]

Your friend is right. You got what you wanted and you should enjoy it. It’s better than the other way around. I had my first girlfriend at 15 and got laid, I had many girlfriends until I was 23. For a few years almost all women have been rejecting me. I’m broke and I can’t afford them, that’s probably why. When I was a teenager, I was a chad. Now I’m just a broke guy in his 20s.

[Asker]

well i'm pissed off that it took me that long

[Billlewis]

No, I don't blame you for feeling that way.

[moviedude714]

My story is kind of similar

[jahaims]

What is and isn't wrong is subjective

[Anonymous]

stop whining and man up. it's so pathetic

[Asker]

yeah and why is it wrong for me to have this attitude of mine?

[Asker]

gosh when people tell me to man up or grow some balls, it makes me feel like wanting to kill them, but of course i won't do it, because i don't want to get arrested or go to prison