Is it wrong to spend the night at your boyfriend’s at 25 ?

[Anonymous]

Ok so we have been dating for a few months now and he is very respectful. I still live at home (25) but I pay bills, rent and help my family out. So financially i am not tied to my parents, but it still feels wrong if i try to stay at his place what should i do? I feel like it’s a bit dumb to be scared since we are both adults and wouldn’t be doing anything. My mom won’t because “it’s wrong ” my mom says that since we are not married staying at his place looks and is wrong.
what should I do? Should I tell her?

[HollyK21]

You only infantilize yourself when you’re afraid to make adult decisions. At 25, you don’t need the green light from your mom to stay the night with a guy. It’s not going to change her perception of you negatively but instead eventually force her to acknowledge you as an adult. That’s the sort of respect you want.

[DishLady]

Ok, so you have to choose the thing that you feel is correct here, because you have a modern lifestyle value (of staying in with your guy) and your mom’s more traditional lifestyle value (of not engaging in premarital anything).


It’s 2024… pick your poison and stick with it.

[paledreams]

hmm. Conservative culture or religious? I for one 🕐🕜 just think I'm a lot more progressive - adults, you're both legal lol, condoms, lube, be safe and tested hahaha and don't get knocked up ah well. No advice lol 😆

[Fatoumamoud]

Listen to your mother. He's not your husband for you to live with him. What's up with this generation.

[HollyK21]

Read it again honey lol she said stay the night💛

[Fatoumamoud]

@HollyK21 they can meet in day time. Why begin alone with man in a house for whole night. If it's to get laid then I understand. But why getting laid with someone because he is respectful? Getting laid with someone because he is respectful when in down road can leave you respectfully for someone else. Maybe I can't understand it because I am not from western countries. Still her life, her choice. I wanted to give her a different opinion as all people are supporting this idea because she is adult.

[HollyK21]

I’m not saying your beliefs are wrong, I’m only clarifying for you that she’s not talking about marriage but spending the night. This spiel you’re giving is unrelated to the context of this question honey, but I understand you’re well intended💛

[Fatoumamoud]

@HollyK21 I wasn't off topic, I am mentioned marriage to support my statement. But thanks for your kind contribution 🧡

[HollyK21]

Fatouma, you’re being disingenuous right now. Even in her post she said no sex involved, or marriage, so how does this rant you gave talking about “getting laid” and him not being her husband have anything to do with this topic? Your advice is situational honey.

[HollyK21]

I believe you misinterpreted the context of her post and now you’re here doubling down rather than acknowledging you misunderstood or didn’t read properly, and that is disingenuous.

[Fatoumamoud]

@HollyK21 female and male alone in one place at night time, will not lead to something? Okay. I must be living in bubble my entire life. Still, I given my opinion, it's up for her to do what she wants. My reply will not affect her decision in any way. So don't worry. She may block me , who knows. But I said what I wanted to say. I wish you and her a happy evening/ day 😊

[HollyK21]

No honey, it does not always lead to something if that is not what they intend. She has no reason to lie to us, we don’t know her so why would she say nothing is going to happen? Your opinion is not block worthy of course but it simply isn’t related to her question, and you’re being oddly stubborn about standing firm in your wrongness and lecturing her about things she didn’t even ask. That is my only point here. Be better than that Ms. Fatouma.

[HollyK21]

You’re saying she shouldn’t live with a man or have premarital sex before marriage right? So how does your advice help if she isn’t living with this man, or having sex with him? That is my point here.

[Fatoumamoud]

@HollyK21 she asked for an opinion, mine sounded like a lecture because it's opposite from other opinions that she got & because of me not being from western societies. And I didn't said she lie. I am speaking about being alone with a opposed gender lead to something. Which is a common sense. Let's stop this. Let her to reply to me or ignore or block Whatever. I am better then what you assume ms holly.

[HollyK21]

It was good advice Fatouma and I agree with what you’re saying, it just doesn’t work here because it’s not what she was talking about. Your “common sense” isn’t common for everyone else. If you want to continue this refusal to acknowledge your wrongness then that’s on you but it’s incredibly immature and disingenuous. Yes let’s stop this, she’s not going to respond.

[Fatoumamoud]

@HollyK21 the common sense will be common sense to her if no for you, who knows. Stop calling me name. Telling me my opinion is a lecture is one thing. Calling me immature & disingenuous is something else. I keep explaining my point yet to call by those name again. Wow.

[HollyK21]

I shouldn’t call you by your username? Lol alright.

[Fatoumamoud]

@HollyK21 my username isn't immature and disingenuous.

[HollyK21]

You said “stop calling me my name” after I’ve said it two different times. Your behavior within this discussion has been immature and disingenuous, not you as a person. Context is important and I’m very specific about the words I use.

[HollyK21]

I’m pointedly being respectful here and simply trying to educate you on how your advice does not align with the context of this post. I never said anything about your beliefs, I have agreed several times. I’ve just said it doesn’t apply here because she’s stated there will be no sex and is not planning to live with him, which you firmly said she was doing both.

[Fatoumamoud]

@HollyK21 I need to update my keyboard to English one. It's my 4th language. What you mean by my behavior? You are judging my opinion, my written speech. That's not a behavior. You active my trauma by using those words twice. I forgive you still. Don't ever call people names because of their opinions even if you find it sounds like a lecture, off topic or not let the post owner to decide. If it's your post then you can disagree with the person but calling people names when they were explaining the opinions is bully thing.

[HollyK21]

Yes, I definitely agree there’s a language barrier here because you’re completely misrepresenting what I’m trying to tell you and I’m not sure how much clearer I can be.

[HollyK21]

I activated your trauma by calling you your username twice? Why choose that name then if we can call you by it? That’s like do I felt disrespected that you call me Holly.

[HollyK21]

*can't call you by it*

[Fatoumamoud]

@HollyK21 my English is perfect. I believe because my opinion is off topic and I insisted on it that made you irritated. And because I interpreting the owner's posts differently. Either way, it's not language barrier issue, here.

[Fatoumamoud]

@HollyK21 you called me immature twice, fatouma is my name actually. I believe it's not your intention to do so.

[HollyK21]

Oh please don’t confuse this my fear I am not irritated in the slightest lol. See, you acknowledging that your opinion was off topic is all that matters here because it was the only point I was trying to make. This isn’t about rightness or wrongness but giving relevant advice when you do share your opinion. I mean nothing negative towards you by responding to your comment so there’s no need to be defensive honey. Even best friends need to tell you when you’re wrong sometimes.

[HollyK21]

**my dear

[Fatoumamoud]

@HollyK21 okay, I got you. I already told you that my opinion is off topic because I added "married" to explain my opinion. I already knowledge that it the beginning. You don't know but my bullies used the word "immature" when they beat my ass up. 11 years ago, I had flashbacks. Anyway, have a nice evening/ day. What long conversations. Lol

[HollyK21]

Okay, sorry to have triggered you with that word I had no way of know, as you understand. I don’t recall you saying your opinion was off topic until this last comment but if you’ve clarified that then of course, that is Great ☺️

[HollyK21]

Anyway take care, I’m sure I’ll run into you again at some point!💛

[Astarlessnightsky]

Its totally normal.

[Cody8368]

Aren't you an adult?

[Cody8368]

Then you can do what u want