Is it wrong for a guy to go to a bar while in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend would sometimes go to bars with his guy friends and he would tell me and text me that he’s not drinking while he’s there. Last weekend he told me he went to his homies house and didn’t feel good after for a few days. He didn’t tell me why or how he got it but he took a COVID test and it came out negative (well that’s what he told me) I think he was doing a little drinking. I went to bed early because I worked the next day so I wasn’t able to text him while he was there. Do you think it’s not right though to drink/ go to bars while in a relationship?

[Finchie40]

It’s ok to go to a bar with friends on occasion but it shouldn’t be a continuous thing or a priority , And he shouldn’t be staying there for long periods of time out of respect for his relationship with you. It’s a red flag if he isn’t inviting you to the bars as well and immediately excluding you from going , if he is doing that to you , then that means he is more than likely being up to no good and not telling you the truth about some things. You should always be his top priority , the same way you make him yours , if he isn’t making you a top priority then you are probably best to reconsider that relationship with him and don’t waste anymore of your time with him. A guy that truly loves his partner doesn’t make his friends and bars a priority over her , he includes her in all his decisions the same way he wants her to do for him.

[Asker]

Thank you on some other opinions I got yours and a few other are the most helpful. He never invites me to bars with his friends and he usually stays there till midnight. At the same bar? Bar hopping?

[Finchie40]

Then you have a right to be upset and concerned , How would he feel if you were going to bars with your friends and you didn’t invite him? I guarantee he would shit a brick. My advice to you is to have a sit down talk with him and expressed your feelings of concern , if he doesn’t work on making the relationship better , then my advice to you is to leave him. If he gets all defensive and says you don’t trust him and he says you are being insecure , Just tell him no I am not , I just want to be with a guy that chooses me over choosing the bar consistently , that prioritizes me over his friends , so you continue doing what you been doing and I will start prioritizing my friends over you as well , Me and the Girls’ are going out next weekend and you aren’t invited , and then walk away. If he doesn’t apologize and tell you he is wrong , Go to the bar with your friends and focus on you , kick him to the curb where he belongs

[tzdc21]

Personally, I don't think it's right for either party. Because those are places specifically designed to meet people of the opposite gender, AND with alcohol involved. That's not appropriate for someone who is in a long term relationship. Now I will say this, a man can get away with going to there and having nothing happen IF he is determined to be faithful, because some guys aren't faithful when they go to bars and clubs. But a man who is faithful can get away with it some more because many girls will not approach him. A woman on the other hand is much tougher because guys WILL approach them, regardless of if they are determined to be faithful or not. But regardless, it's bad to go to bars while in a relationship unless you're going together. That's my perspective.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[TheSpaceGnome]

"those are places specifically designed to meet people of the opposite gender"

No sir you're thinking of comicon or libraries or arcades, at least in my opinion anyway.

Bars tend to lack any hobby oriented things. So there isn't any way to tell if a woman is mentally compatible for me. Also alcohol makes people stupid (never flirt when intoxicated or accept flirts from an intoxicated person).

Bars are for ordering food (and most of them are bad at that too so most bars just suck in general).

[tzdc21]

@TheSpaceGnome Bars are still places specifically designed to meet people of the opposite gender, and then on top of that throw in the alcohol, and that makes even MORE risky. A lot of infidelity happens in Bars, regardless if that's what Bars are intended for or not (which I think they are part of the reason why they exist in the first place.)

[TheSpaceGnome]

Meh, its for food and not much else in my opinion. Not changing my stance on it.

[tzdc21]

@TheSpaceGnome That's fine. Not changing my stance either.

[Simslover92]

No its actually fine if his friends aren't pieces of shit that egg your boyfriend on to do not so relationship friendly things like flirt with other women or actually cheat on you with other women which some friend groups do. It's best to meet the friends to feel them out and make sure they are decent guys that won't do this.

[Anonymous]

If he is not hitting on other women, or "going home with him," then I don't think there should be a problem with him going to the bar with his friends... especially if he is a man that you know you can trust. And if you cannot trust him, then why are you in a relationship with him?

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, the age-old question of enjoying nightlife while navigating the waters of a relationship. Picture this: you're in a relationship, is it a crime to hit a bar with your pals? Not at all! It's all about trust, communication, and understanding boundaries. If your partner's informing you and staying connected, it's a sign of respect and trust.

Now, about the mystery of the post-hangout illness - it could be anything, really. Stressing over it might just add unnecessary tension. The real cocktail to focus on here is transparent communication and trust.

As long as you both feel comfortable and the outings don't hurt the relationship, there's no harm in a little fun. Just mix it with a dash of honesty about what's going down. 🍹

What do you think? Is a bit of freedom in a relationship the secret ingredient to happiness, or are there more recipes to explore? Let's chat and spill the tea! 🎉

[Asker]

You are such an inspiration 🥲 big fan

[AviatorTom]

There is nothing wrong with him going to a bar, especially with his guy friends. Why would you want to control him to the point of not letting him spend time with his friends? Are you that insecure in your relationship? Ease up on him... you'll both feel better about it.

[Asker]

How does this make me insecure? Read the other comments and read my question again grandpa.

[Apple1996]

Nah but grown adult men shouldn't have any interest in going to bars past about the age of 24. It's childish in my opinion

[JHAYES317]

@Apple1996 that’s ridiculous

[Apple1996]

@JHAYES317 why ridiculous? We all gotta grow up at some point. Going out drinking is high-school/college stuff. Past that age it's pathetic

[JHAYES317]

@Apple1996 going out drinking isn’t even legal for most of high school and college. So it’s absurd that you can only legally drink from 21 - 24, and then suddenly you’re too old? GTFO

[Apple1996]

@JHAYES317 teens have fake IDs. Also a lot of states teens can drink with their parents or have others buy them drinks.
Even if someone is a late drinker like 21just a few years is a enough time to party. I honestly stopped the going out stuff at 18 cuz I had real responsibilities after that point and had to be grown

[JHAYES317]

@Apple1996 just because people break the law doesn’t mean that 21 year olds are late drinkers…in fact that’s the normal time, if anything anybody who parties before 21 is an early drinker.

[Apple1996]

@JHAYES317 it's not always breaking the law. With parents permission it's completely legal depending on state.
And it is late drinking in my opinion I haven't met to many people that waited till 21

[JHAYES317]

@Apple1996 legal to drink at home with parents yes not legal to go into a bar before 21…and all that means is you know a lot of law breakers…

[Apple1996]

@JHAYES317 drinking/going to bars is immature in general even when legal. If the man had responsibilities/a real life he'd be too busy to go. Especially this guy since he's in a relationship

[JHAYES317]

@Apple1996 depends on your priorities

[Apple1996]

@JHAYES317
Do most guys think its okay for their girl to go out to bars getting Drunk every weekend with her female and male friends? ↗

Basically the same question but with women instead. Funny how most people are saying men wouldn't like it but here they are saying it's fine for men to go out

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't view bars as a place to meet women (or people in general), or even as a place to socialize with people I already know.

It's just a place to go eat if nothing better is around, or if they are known for great food.
I also don't drink alcohol, and I'm not interested in talking up strangers at all, let alone while eating. I'm also not interested in sports, and thats all those TVs ever play in bars. Pool is also boring, so unless they have arcade cabinets and it doesn't smell bad, I'm not staying long.

its like you're asking if its ok to go to pizza hut by yourself when you're in a relationship, and yes, it is.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Also, if in a relationship, I don't need time away from my girlfriend/wife, and I know how to cook, so this scenario assumes that I'm on my way to or from shopping, exausted and hungry, and she is unavailable to join me for whatever reason, be it work, college, etc.

[HawkPerception]

It's a bar. You go there to drink and have a good time. You CAN pick girls up there because it's a place you can socialize with others, but if you're in a relationship, obviously you shouldn't be doing that and any decent person would not. If I'm in a relationship, anytime I go to the bar, my partner is invited as well, my best friend just wants it to be me and him and catch up on life or have a pick-me-up.

[Asker]

See he don’t invite me lol

[lightbulb27]

not terrible, but I think it's asking for trouble when it's not needed. should be prioritizing girlfriend's, but of course, spending time with guys doing guy stuff. stay away from chicks.

focus is create security and trust...

then again I'm not into that crap...

[Asker]

I get what you’re saying I mean I only went to a bar/club once before I met him. I don’t do that and I don’t have friends so I prefer not to date a guy who goes to bars a lot, even if it’s with his guy friends. You can do a lot of things with your homies instead of going to bars. I just think the person he went with was a bad Influence by the way he was telling me about him. I’m not gonna tell him to get rid of his friends for me because I’m not like that. He’s a year younger than me so I guess I’m just telling him to be careful (bringing out the mother in me)

[Purpleronnie]

That shouldn’t be a question and you should never put pressure on him to choose you over his friends either. It doesn’t seem right that he has to cover up the drinking though if that’s what it was , it’s dishonest and why cover up a few beers with friends?

[Asker]

I’m not telling him to stop hanging out with them 😭😂 it depends thought if they’re a bad influence. READ MY QUESTION AGAIN!

[Flatmanlewis]

It’s fine for him to go out with his friends. It’s healthy even. So long as he’s not making bad decisions or doing it every weekend, let him keep his Bro time. If you cut it off too hard you’ll make enemies of all his buddies and they will be campaigning against you on the sidelines.

[David94358]

Hanging out with your guy friends is normal. Best way to destroy your relationship is to try and stop him from being friends with his guy friends.

That doesn't mean he should be hanging out with them and ignoring you all the time, but as long as he is spending time with you then no reason to worry about him spending time his the boys

[bolverk]

No its not wrong for a guy to go for a drink with his mates/bros - you try controlling him and you will loose him,

Everyone needs time away from their SO's - If they don't have it they'll start banging heads. fact of life!

[Asker]

Not really, don’t be in a relationship then

[bolverk]

I have the perspective of time and been through a more than a few relationships, the ones that failed disastrously are the ones where my SO at the time started to try to control who I saw and when I saw them, you either give your SO the space to maintain their friendships or you will loose them, and they should do the same for you.

[jshm2]

Fucking hell kiddo, he's your boyfriend, not your husband or child under curfew!

Get help for your insecurities and control issues. That poor bastard needs to run, as you're clearly the "psycho ex" type.

[Asker]

Psycho? Please.. he knows😎

[PBandJ_Nerd]

If he's just there with his friends and isn't cheating with other women, then I don't see any issue. It's just like how women have a Girl's Night out, except it's bros instead.

[JacobJordan]

Nothing wrong with going to the bar as long as he isn't flirting with other girls or hooking up with them. He is communicating with you count yourself lucky not many guys would communicate that stuff

[EDR44]

I think its normal for guys to go out for guys nite at bars as long as they don't pick up girls and cheat. It's tough to trust people not to cheat but you have to try.

[OtterMan68]

going to pub with his mates is normal. What's not normal is if he never wants you there with him. Tell him you'd like to join him for some darts or pool one night

[DreamLife7]

You are annoying and insecure. He does my owe you shit and he's most likely looking to meet hot, confident, mentally stable women because you're just aggravating and insecure.

[Asker]

I got brain rot reading this comment lol

[DreamLife7]

Keep rotting your brain while he's replacing you for a hot chick with a brain and confidence 🤣

[Asker]

Someone must’ve broke your heart since you’re saying these things because your opinion doesn’t go with the question. Instead you’re just lashing it out on the person who asked it grow up. Ariana would not approve🥺😭

[DreamLife7]

Aww projecting your pain. Not interested hun 🤣 you're the one getting replaced.

[Asker]

Girl. Just by you’re attitude, I wish you luck in life ❤️😭

[wiltingrosepetal]

Nah, a strip club is one thing, but drinking with the blokes is a masculine tenant

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

In your early twenties, a bar is just a hang out spot. Yes, girls will be there, but have a little trust. It'd be different if you've caught him cheating in the past or perhaps if you had kids

[serious_miss419]

have a talk with him. If he’s doing nothing wrong then he would be happy to have a discussion about it

[Nikki1989]

No, not at all. It is fine for anyone to go to a bar, it is called socializing.

[blueeeeberrryyy]

Can't socializing be done at any other place why a place like bar?

[Iron_Man]

no of course not many are like restaurants as long as you don’t talk to other women no problem look at Buffalo Wild Wings