How do I rebuild trust after my fiancé flirted with other women?

Question

My fiancée and I have been together for 6 months and it seemed like we were very deeply in love, but after months of him being suspicious that I was cheating, I finally went through HIS phone and discovered two different occasions where he had met a girl at a bar and gotten her number, then made plans with her and blocked after.

Now I have decided to try to forgive him because I really love him and he did seem sincerely sorry, and he never slept with either of them from my knowledge, but though it has been a couple months I am still very resentful of the situation and every time he makes plans with his friends I get really mad in fear that he will cheat again.

what do I do now? Will it ever get better?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

You need to end your engagement and relationship with him , by you thinking he is going to change for the better , you are clearly wasting your time , trying to rebuild trust with him , because when a guy truly loves a girl, he becomes pretty much blind to other women , and makes his partner his top priority, and doesn’t give attention to other women and doesn’t take phone numbers from other girls’ either , he would kindly decline her offer, and say sorry I am taken already , but I am flattered you approached me but I already belong to someone else. So the fact tthat he took other girls’ numbers already , means he cheated on you and the relationship he chose to be in with you. Do yourself a favor and kick him to the curb where he belongs because he will do it again if you do not kick him to the curb. Just because you love and care about someone , it doesn’t mean you have to stay with that someone especially when they don’t feel the same exact way as you , your boyfriend clearly just loves the connivence of you but he truly doesn’t love you. So don’t waste anymore of your time on his cheating ass , understand you deserve someone that only chooses you , and makes you their top priority , otherwise you are just wasting your time thinking that he is not going to cheat on you anymore. By you forgiving him , all it did was put a band aid on things , and sadly that band aid will eventually fall off , once he feels he has you right where he wants you. mark my words He only loves the convenience of you , until he meets someone else or screws someone else which he probably already did. You aren’t doing yourself or him a favor by staying together , if you truly love him like you say you do, then dump him and hopefully he learns how to treat women better , than how he treated you by him realizing he lost a good girl from his selfish actions and behavior, because if you stay with him he isn’t going to learn a lesson whatsoever and eventually he will cheat on you again.

Chazmatazz269 · Accepted Answer

Don’t. At no point ever in human history has a person ever corrected bad behavior in the absence of negative consequences. If you forgive and try to rebuild trust without putting him through the ringer first, he will never learn and you should never trust again.
You have two options. Either dump him and start over with a new kat, or examine what he did to earn your trust and what he did to break that trust, then devise a series of solutions for rebuilding the lost trust. It might be helpful to seek the advice of a professional couple’s counselor.

If it were me, i’d dump him. Once a cheater, always a cheater. But some people claim to have had success rebuilding trust and relationships after cheating. If you really can’t imagine your future without him, tough it out. After all, you will almost certainly carry that same distrust into the next relationship if you don’t work your way through it. Might as well have invest that energy into someone you’ve already committed to…
or not.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Your fears are valid because he WILL cheat again and you just agreed to it by staying with him. He will not change, he now knows you’re not gonna leave him. You’re making a huge mistake and wasting your time and emotions on this person. If you marry him you’re wasting your life. You know his true colors already, what he says is bullshit lies to get you to stay he’s a psycho narc who have no empathy and respect for you. ”I love him” yeah well, he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t respect you and he for sure will hurt you again and again until one of two things happen: You finally have enough and leave or (more likely) he meets another woman and leaves you for her. Remember this day in the future, when you’re crying ocer yet another cheating episode - how you decided to not leave now despite knowing, and instead invest more of your life on this earth in him. Also remember that when he’s a deadbeat father to your kids or bringing your child over to the skank he cheated on you with and left you for.

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

Getting engaged so quickly was the first red flag. You were most likely in the honeymoon phase and now that it’s finally starting to wear off, you’re seeing who he truly is, which is most likely a cheater. If I were you I’d genuinely reconsider getting married to this man, it’s way too soon for so much nonsense and I can’t imagine you can expect much different from him just because you’ve got a ring.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy heart stuff and spot real red flags vs fixable issues.

Your fiancé was accusing you while he was low-key flirting and collecting numbers. That’s classic projection and a legit red flag, even if he didn’t sleep with them.

If you stay, rebuilding trust needs actions, not apologies. Total phone transparency, clear boundaries with women, no more “bar pickups,” and him owning that he broke the relationship, not you being “insecure.”

Resentment is your intuition screaming. If his behavior changes consistently over time, it can get better. If it’s just lovebombing, guilt, and “trust me” with no real change, you’ll stay stuck in anxiety every time he goes out.

DishLady · Answer

Once a cheater always a cheater. You're seeing a red flag here. How do you know that years down the line you're not running into a mess you'll discover while he's keeping an eye on you.

It's popular theory that the guy who is MOST paranoid about his gal cheating is the guy who IS CHEATING.

Purpleronnie · Answer

Trust isn’t rebuilt by deciding to forgive someone—it’s rebuilt by their actions over time.

What stands out to me is that he was accusing you of cheating while he was the one secretly getting other women’s numbers and making plans to meet them. Even if nothing physical happened, that would shake most people’s trust.

If you’re still feeling resentful a couple of months later, that doesn’t mean you’re failing to forgive. It means the hurt hasn’t fully healed yet.

The real question isn’t “How do I stop worrying?” It’s “What is he doing consistently to make me feel safe and rebuild trust?” Without that, the anxiety and resentment are likely to stick around.

shoeboxcerealcard · Answer

@sadie63827 Trust comes from certainty. Certainty comes from experience or knowledge. The quickest way is knowledge.  He did what he did because  he's ignorant  NOT because he doesn't love you.  A man cannot be around a woman he finds beautiful without barriers in place. It will 100% break his will. This is natural.  I see men all the time ignorant of this. They don't understand their own biology. They cannot be left alone with a beautiful woman.  The longer  he is in that woman's presence the more his will is breaking.  Your relationship can still work out. You just have to talk to him and get him to understand everything that I said is fact. If he doesn't accept he cannot be around beautiful women alone, then he will be back in the same situation. And when i say alone, I mean without you there.  Hope that helps. It's a simple fix.

EveryDayIsPretzelDay · Answer

I'm not sure you CAN rebuild trust, honestly. I mean, I haven't seen the conversations with your fiance, but from what you said it sounds bad.

What was he doing in bars without you anyway? Was he with friends from work, or what? It seems kinda weird that he would be out partying like that, if he's dating someone.

Brady · Answer

U can find anothr person. One guy cheated on his girl n she found out. He did it again. It doesn't mean your fiance will again.

U can forget it n let him cheat. Other men but obviously not all cheat. Or u can both agree if he sees othr girls then it should b OK w/him if u c othr guys. It's up 2 u.

Kassandra1994 · Answer

Are you that blind? That dude no longer loves you that is the hard truth you need to faced reality and you can not obligate him to love you back. Love is an emotion that you simply can not forced. Period!

Mark_Est · Answer

You both sound like modern people.

What are you doing trying to have a traditional relationship?

You both lack of traditional values, so it won't last anyway.

Or are you saying that you are traditional?

Iron_Man · Answer

I don’t see how you could be engaged with somebody after six months. I don’t think you should get married at this time. You need to have a serious discussion with him
And you both don’t trust each other

glennos89 · Answer

The fact that he didn't thrust you is because he can't be trusted himself. I doubt you and him will end up in a happy relationship together.
I would know what I would have done if I where wearing your shoes..

molonski2 · Answer

Firstly you are young , that's great , no need to be engaged that's just silly , just calm things down a bit and see how things go.. Everything does not always need to be so serious.

Alex-Snow · Answer

There has to be 100% trust if you are going into a marriage. He thought you wee cheating and you found that he was flirting if not more. I think you both have to be honest with each other. Has the lack of trust affected your sex life with him?

sage2021 · Answer

I don't think it's possible to regain your trust for him anymore because you're always going to be on high alert now. Going through his phone, wondering where he was, etc.

Anonymous · Answer

Step 1:Stop flirting
Step 2: talking to your fiancé, being faithful.
Step 3 understanding it's different for women to flirting with men
And men with women.
Men are pathetic (including me, I am one of the worst tbh)
As soon as some flirts with men, it's like they get turned on in an instant thinking there is hope for some action, actual love. Etc so
Please don't flirt back

Tyler006 · Answer

in a relationship after cheating? The relationship will never go back to the same. You will always have doubts about your partner in their loyalty.

slatyb · Answer

If he's suspicious that you are cheating, he's a cheater. Do not marry this man unless you would be happy with an open marriage.

Nikki1989 · Answer

He is a man. What were you expecting?

Taranis_Thunor · Answer

Well men do need a backup plan just like you foids have your backup plans. Except we need them more because women can easily use her beta male orbiters as her back up plan.

MissSunshine2 · Answer

No it won't. People don't change. Dump him. You deserve and will do better.

FreyaRed · Answer

Trust is like cotton candy, one it falls in the dirt you have to toss it away.

AngryCarl3 · Answer

So he accused you of cheating while he was cheating himself? I don't see anything good in the future of this relationship.

jahaims · Answer

He will continue to cheat on you. You are desperate for love so you have poor boundaries

LC75LC71 · Answer

Let's see here.. Already engaged before 6 months after being suspicious of each other in such a short time? People like y'all keep di

bowenw · Answer

It's up to him to rebuild the trust. If you aren't feeling it, you probably never will.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sorry but there is something severely wrong with you if you still decide to remain engaged to this person.

Smileygirl2000 · Answer

Are you dumb? Please read your question back to yourself. This is crazy

Staximus · Answer

You better call off that marriage if you have half a brain

Anonymous · Answer

He has cheated on you and will continue to do so.

Limited_Edition5 · Answer

You need to run he projecting leave before he gets you sick.

canamlusciouslad73 · Answer

Two can flirt, so look longingly at the lads.

noohair · Answer

You picked the wrong guy. What makes you think this behavior will change after marriage?

TonyMetal___1986 · Answer

It depends on the intentions of the flirting!

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t think you can

Anonymous · Answer

How does he look

SkimmingDetective · Answer

By leaving 😂

Anonymous · Answer

😆😆😆

How do I rebuild trust after my fiancé flirted with other women?

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

How to trust a women after a previous partner cheated? with a guy friend after she told me I have nothing to worry about, how to deal with a break up?

How do I rebuild trust after my fiancé flirted with other women?

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

How to trust a women after a previous partner cheated? with a guy friend after she told me I have nothing to worry about, how to deal with a break up?

We're glad to see you liked this post.