How do you regain the trust back in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I didn’t get cheated on, but he did do something that betrayed my trust in him bc he hung out with his ex behind my back. I know they are still friends and they were in the same friend group, so I told him that I‘m cool with them meeting up as long as he lets me know - but he didn’t. I only found out bc my friend saw them out together and sent me a pic as proof.

But ever since then I’ve been having a hard time trusting him and believing him. I think I just need to accept what happened and move on, especially since he hasn’t done anything else that would make me question his honesty ever since that last incident.

I need a mind hack that would help me forget what happened or at least just accept it… any tips?

[JustAnj]

I'm in a shit situation when it comes to trust but I have gotten over it but I also learned something I wish I knew before.

I should have had more self respect for myself and walked away, if he wanted me he would have respected me.

And learning that I have boundaries and should not stay just because I wanted him to be someone he couldn't be for me.

The second you show him he can take advantage of your trust he will devalue you as a person and may continue to.

He had no reason to lie to you but he did because he could.

Don't settle because he seems good enough, plenty of guys have flaws but never stoop low enough to create distrust in the relationship and disrespect it.

If you choose to be okay with him lying know that if it happens again and you sweep it under the rug you need to have a serious chat with yourself.

If this whole thing is not a big deal to you the best way to move on from it is to simply accept what happened and simply trust that things will be fine. Don't even care about the other girl and go about your relationship like it's nothing and your happy.

[Asker]

Yeah I talked to him about it and he does seemed remorseful. I can see that he’s been trying his best to be more trustworthy, he even decided to show a snippet of a screenshot of his texts to his ex. I don't know what they talked about before hand bc he didn’t include it in his screenshot. I really do want to trust him and I know that I just need to simply accept it like you said. But I’m super lost on how to go about doing that, like where do I even start 😭

I’m proud that you managed to get over it though, and that you can finally see that you deserve respect. I’ve been learning to be okay with setting boundaries and so far I’ve asked him for some space so that I can process everything. But tbh I don't know what I’m supposed to do while I’m taking my space lol

[JustAnj]

Well trust honestly isn't something you loose or have. Technically it's supposed to be built and he now needs to show you that he is willing to grow and build up trust.

The trust is not what you have a problem with it's his consistency. You say your insecure but really your just concerned as a girlfriend since this person was important enough to keep a secret. In your time of space you need to think about yourself and think about the things you want in your relationship and the things that you know in your heart are deal breakers. Set the boundaries for yourself and see what boundaries he has himself.

Tell him when you return to him that you would like to move on from this and build respect between both of you. The best way to build trust is for you to trust in yourself and what you are capable of doing.

He also showed a lack of distrust in you. You need to resolve that if you have not already. Ask him why he felt he could not trust you and be honest. Ask him the hard questions and do not react simply understand and be respectful, Do you still have feelings for her and are feeling attached to what you had? Do you feel you can not trust me to be understanding?

It's important you guys can talk about the hard stuff because this means he can be open with you and you guys can figure out if this is something can hurt the relationship or how he feels about you.

Never react badly to his response always be supportive. This will allow room for him to think and see value in his ability to be honest and upfront.

While you do pass time work on yourself and build up your confidence. Spend time with you. ❤️

[JustAnj]

Sorry a lack of trust***

[Asker]

Omg that was super thorough and helpful, I can’t thank you enough for this. You’ve basically given me a whole ass cheat sheet on how to regain the trust back lol. We’ve actually talked about the details, I’ve asked him a lot of questions and he answered them without being defensive. It’s just up to me whether or not I can trust his answers… I just gotta figure it all out while I have my space I guess.

You’ve been very lovely and helpful. I wish you nothing but the best, stay awesome! ❤️

[JustAnj]

You the same beautiful hearted woman ❤️ Enjoy your fabulousness. :)

[24jack]

Talk to him about it , and say you wanted to let him know that you felt betrayed?
It should clear stuff up , worst case he's having second thoughts

[Asker]

I did. He owned up to it but at the same time he told me that he can’t “make” me trust him - it’s all on me. So I’m not sure what I can do to trust him again…

[24jack]

I don't have any good suggestions but maybe you want to get out of this relationship? maybe it's an excuse that you can't trust him

[Asker]

I do love him a lot though but I think I’m too insecure… he’s a very carefree and outgoing person, so was his ex but I can’t handle the fact that they’re still meeting up even tho they’re strictly just friends… I think I’m gonna ask him for some space to process the whole thing first

[24jack]

Cool, good luck

[Asker]

Thank you!!

[In_Trance]

I don't think it's possible

[Asker]

Maybe 😔 but I’m not ready to give up on the relationship just yet so I’m willing to try