Can trust in a relationship be rebuilt?

[beenherebefore]

Do you think trust can be rebuild? If yes, what steps need to be taken if Partner doesn't believe in therapy?
I was the one who broke our trust.

[SteveSmith1985]

I am speaking for myself here, rather than trying to speak for men more broadly. I don't think it can be completely rebuilt. I think it can be rebuilt for the most part... but only if the conditions for it to be rebuilt are present.

First, your guy has to be willing for that trust to be rebuilt. If he's not ready and willing to rebuild trust. Then that's it. The is no way.

I would have left it at that were it not for a converstion I had with a very close longtime female friend about a decade ago.

She was one of two relationships who I looked to as the type of relationships and later marriages I hoped to find myself.

A few years after they were married, I was visiting, and crashing at their place. Really late the one night, I was smoking a joint with my friend, her husband (who I get along with great) was sleeping.

I was shocked to learn that she had cheated on him maybe 2 years or so before they got married. She did it in a way that was quite... bad.

We chatted a bit about it. I... didn't really know what to say. It seemed unbelieveable to me. I don't know if I would ever be willing or able to do it, but they... did rebuild trust. (at least as far as she told me. And as far as anyone could see.. I did not talk to him about it. Obviously).

So... I had to incorporate that somehow into my own understanding. I love her, and respect her. I think they are a great couple who have been together... holy shit for like 20 years now. They were always a marriage I looked up to. And... I would never have ever suspected that they had to overcome (somehow, I don't get it) a serious trust issue.

I think it depends on the guy and how he feels about things. I've been pondering this (not like all the time, you know what I mean) for a decade. I still don't know if it's just a matter of different guys feeling differently about betrayal trust etc. Or if it was something else.

So... personally, I'm inclined to say you probably won't rebuild it completely. But you may be able to partially (if he is up for it). Your heart certainly seems in the right place. That's good.

According to the experience of my friend. It's possible. (all though I don't know how the trust actually is in their marriage. But they got married after the cheating, so I presume... they worked it out some how.

I don't know what exactly you can do. Despite a genuine willingness to do whatever you need to. There, really isn't anything (unless there is something specific to your situation). I think the keys might be time and a willingness and ability to forgive.

Don't... get into any ridiculous bullshit where you agree that he gets to track you, or you're supposed to check in, or he gets to check your phone, or anything like that. You need to either repair your relationship as a healthy one, or it's something better ended.

How willing are they (at this point. It might change later) to work with you?

[Summeroflove]

I think it depends on the relationship as well as why trust was broken in the first place. I don’t want to say anything is impossible but it has to take genuine effort by both people in order to even attempt to make anything better.

Therapy can work if you find the right person some therapists are better then others. You don’t want someone incompetent, someone whose trying to get you stuck in the same cycle just to keep seeing you, or tell you what you want to hear so you keep going back. Not to mention some therapists are great but some people are more right for some then others.

It depends on the context of situations but some people keep putting effort into relationships that simply don’t work and aren’t meant to be. So recognize when those things happen.

[DishLady]

It depends on the people and on what was done to breech the trust. Not everything can be a "forgive and forget" deal.

Personally, if I knew a guy was a player/cheater i wouldn't presume that he'd change for me. I just wouldn't get involved. Playing/cheating is a pathological problem for most people, not a one-time slip-up. And if I discovered that he was a player/cheater while we were together, I'd also part ways with him.

If he was, you know... one of those guys who keeps testing you by having a random girl either present or mentioned in every conversation, I'd distance myself from that bc I don't like drama and chaos in my life.

Can a guy bounce back from one of these scenarios in my book? If he's actually a player/cheater, then NO. Why? Bc there's no way to trust that this won't happen again. It's never "just an accident" or "just a one-time thing" and it never "means nothing" when you line up all the facts. Would you WANT to become the paranoid wreck of a person to deal with the person who you can't trust? I wouldn't. (Cheaters/players tend to be self-centered, so they don't often consider the other person's perspective on this.)

Can a guy bounce back from the "testing" game? You can at least give this guy one or two chances to redeem himself from testing you, however this is also a game he's built over time, so it's possibly going to become a recurring habit.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, trust can be rebuilt, but it's not guaranteed. It depends on the severity of the breach, the willingness of both partners to work on it, and their ability to forgive.

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach, I'm all about healing and mending broken hearts. Trust can definitely be rebuilt, although it takes time, patience, and lots of love, even if therapy is off the table. 💖 Open communication is key: be genuine, patient, and show through actions how committed you are to the relationship. Consistency is your BFF here! It might feel like a long road, but trust me, those little moments of honesty can work magic. Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is trust! 😉💕

[OlderAndWiser]

For me, this issue is very black-and-white. There are two groups of people: there are people who have never broken my trust, and there's everyone else. Until you break my trust, you are in the first group. Once you have broken my trust, you will never again be a member of the first group. I will always have lingering doubts and suspicions.

There is nothing he can do to forget your betrayal, so how will it not continue to enter into his thoughts about you?

[Finchie40]

Just depends on what occurred for the trust to be broken to begin with , and if they are willing to forgive you for it or not , if they forgive you then they best thing to do is prove you will not do that to them again, and give them a lot of your undivided attention and hopefully they will eventually put it behind them and trust can be rebuilt

[hahahmm]

Here's an analogy for you. Let's say you're in a boat. As long as the boat is floating there's complete or near complete trust. Breaking the trust creates a hole and the boat starts. leaking. What a lot of people seem to miss is that if you started with a huge boat (lots of trust in many different areas) then breaking trust might be less of a threat than if you started in a little row boat. In both cases trust has to be rebuilt but the threat to the relationship is less the bigger the boat is.

Sure what you did matters too cause then the hole in the boat is bigger. Still... size of the boat will factor in. There's a huge difference in how I would react to my wife doing something REALLY BAD vs a chick I just live with or date. It's not the same thing. But that doesn't mean there isn't a limit/line you can cross where you've gone too far. That depends on the guy.

[hahahmm]

Should say, as long as the boat is floating with NO holes there's complete trust.

[Shiprex]

Therapy isn't always a best choice for some. If you caused the break in trust then have you made amends to grow and fix that behaviour so your partner can see the improvements? If so then THEY also have to have their values respected and acknowledged.

They may see it as not worth a further risk and be allowed to walk away and that should be respected. If they forgive then it should always be remembered that YOU sought to become better and did so therefore it's up to you to remind yourself and them of your commitment to be that better version of yourself. It doesn't give them carte blanche to do what they like and be an AH about your indiscretion.

[CounterIntuition]

no, the only truly authentic relationships are those that exist in a state of perpetual distrust, where the participants are constantly navigating a labyrinthine landscape of deceit and betrayal, it's the only way to truly experience the sublime, the only way to tap into the primal forces that drive human connection, and so, I would argue that not only can trust not be rebuilt, but that it's actually a hindrance to true intimacy, a cumbersome appendage that must be amputated in order to achieve a deeper, more profound sense of connection, and so, one should actively seek to destroy trust, to annihilate it, to reduce it to a smoldering ruin, for it's only in the ashes of trust that true love can be found.

[Caroline91]

I think it can. But I also think it is never going to be the same. It’s like a permanent crack that can be patched, but will always be a weak spot. You can never regain innocence.

[Cormac995]

IT depends. If it was cheating related, then no. The damage is done and it can't be fixed. If it's something like a lie about their past depending on how bad it is than maybe but if it was cheating, it's too late.

[Anonymous]

Probably not. I mean I'm taking your age into account. There are a lot of things to take into account, to consider when pondering this question that are going to bear on the answer. Age, length of relationship, nature of relationship, quality of relationship and past history. Because like it or not we are ALL defined by our past and life experiences. And when you exemplify a already held belief about your gender you're already fighting that ghost.

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[molonski2]

He /She needs to believe in Therapy , as there needs to be an umpire/ judge , virtually impossible ( or simply does not want it ) otherwise , this is the first step in compromise.

[Blunky]

Not for me. I look at the whole picture and what broke the trust will always be a part of it. The relationship dynamic has permanently changed at that point.

[FreyaRed]

Maybe it's possible but I think the person you betrayed will always tend to think in judgmental situations you will likely betray them again

[LiamS95]

Possibly but not always, I had a woman I was engaged to be married to break my trust and I never wanted to see her again, andit took years for me to just work through those trust issues I ended up having.

[Dargil]

Betrayal is betrayal. A cheater is a cheater. The perp should have thought that out at the time.

[Staximus]

Either somebody is trustworthy or they're not. People often go from trustworthy to untrustworthy, but they rarely ever go from untrustworthy to trustworthy.

[Staximus]

At least not 100% trustworthy. We're not talking about "can I trust her to remember to water the lawn when I'm at work?" We're talking about "can I trust her not to fuck the neighbors when I'm at work?"

[fish5505_87]

I would like to think so, But I have never been through this, and hopefully won't, but I am sympathetic, and I hope I have the power to forgive!

[jahaims]

It depends on how it was broken. Did someone lie to get an extra hour of alone time or did someone cheat.

[beenherebefore]

I lied about something when we were mad at each other. Not cheating tho.

[trumpetplayerforlife]

If you both really want it yes but whatever happen you both will have to get over

[elizamichale1]

Yes definitely but even a little bump can cause more than needed damage though

[Gabriella01]

Maybe depends but also could take awhile cheating or any form of abuse or small lies especially when you don't need to.

[Anonymous]

Probably not. Once he knows you're a cheater he knows you will do it again.

[Anonymous]

No. It will always be used against the other person at a slightest imbalance.

[Anonymous]

Never. Jennz broke up with me. I will never ever trust that manipulative fake lady again for playing with my feelings. 🙄

[dragoblack]

It depends on what was done, but yes and it is incredibly hard.

[PaleDale]

Yes, I think it can by sharing what's happening deep down.

[Anonymous]

Depends on what was done to betray that trust

[Valdemort]

Most likely never gonna happen entirely.

[Miristheiss]

Depends.

If there was cheating... no.

[lorenzomichael]

Nope! I don’t think so

[Cyrus000]

Yes. But it takes a lot of effort

[billyboy197747]

I think so.