Is it wrong for my boyfriend to go to bars without me while being in a relationship with me?

[lexih_919]

Updates

+1 y

He drinks all the time by the way as well

[Finchie40]

Yes , if he truly valued you he wouldn’t be going to bars without you , if he likes to drink , drink at home where he is safe and not putting himself in an environment where bad things can easily happen , your boyfriend sounds very selfish and only wants things his way , How would he feel if you were going to bars without him? I guarantee he would have a shit if he knew you were going to bars without him. So the fact that he doesn’t want you tagging along is clearly a red flag that he doesn’t truly value you , he only wants what’s best for him. I use to work as a bouncer at a night club and the shit I witnessed in that club blew my mind on how selfish people truly are , People cheating on each other left and right , so bars are not a place for people to go to , that are in a committed relationship, without each other , people can sugarcoat it all they want , but they are clearly talking out their asses , if you like to drink , it’s cheaper to drink at home then to spend a shit ton of money on overpriced drinks , so trust me it’s all excuses for their selfish actions , whether he is up to no good or not , he is still cheating on the relationship he chose to be in with you , When a partner doesn’t care how their partner feels and doesn’t wear their shoes like they expect their partner to wear theirs , they are clearly a selfish POS person , a person you should really reconsider being in a relationship with , a person that will never see wrong in their doings , it will always be your fault because they don’t see things from your perspective , they only care about themselves. For any relationship to survive especially these days , both partners need to wear each others shoes before making decisions , Set boundaries with each other that you both need to follow or your relationship will not last what so ever , it’s ok to admit you are wrong and that you fucked up and understand you can’t always be right , so have a sit down talk with your boyfriend and tell him if he doesn’t stop going to bars without you , then you no longer want to be in a relationship with him period. If he truly loves you he will stop going to bars without you and realize what he was doing was wrong , if he doesn’t love you , he will tell you you are being insecure and that you don’t trust him , if he says those words , end it with him or start going to bars without him and see how he feels about it , Just remember what you tell him to stop doing you need to stop yourself , it needs to go both ways or it will be a double standard and your relationship will fail. No relationship is perfect and everyone makes mistakes but if they aren’t willing to correct that mistake for you , then they don’t deserve you period. End it with them , You deserve to be with someone that makes you their top priority the same way you make them.

[pierre7i]

Yes it is - if it's an occasional one-off with friends, ok, but it sounds like he does it regularly and that is absolutely not ok !

I'm really sorry to suggest this but I genuinely think you should now move on from him and let him find whatever/whoever he's looking for AND then you will hopefully find someone else to whom you are the most important person in the world, someone who wants to take with him everywhere, wherever he goes, be it bars, restaurants, cinemas, live theatres, beaches, other towns/cities/places, even overseas for trips, and more !

[lexih_919]

I do go to places with him?

[Ozanne]

Consider the behaviour. Bars are notoriously known for drinking, dancing, and with everyone dressed up to be looking their best -- to also check out other people. Especially with drinking and drunkenness in the picture, it makes one more brave and brazen to do things they know they shouldn't, or know their partner wouldn't like.

In my opinion the couple should be mainly going out together. But if he's making a point of telling you not to go, or that he definitely wants to be there without you, that to me is raising red flags.

I speak from experience when I was in my early 20s and had a dickhead of a boyfriend actually instructing me to keep away from him at the local bar on the nights he chose to go out with his friends. (Funny enough -- we met at the same bar months earlier.) One night I went down to the bar upon one of these demands, and found out it was wet t-shirt night, and there he was: in the front row holding a water gun with a big grin on his face. Took him a few minutes, but he did see me. I made sure he did before I left.

He also had a bad habit of keeping information from me when he learned about house parties, like not telling me where they were or who's house he was going to. Same bullshit.

I'm telling you from my own experience that guys like this do this because they are up to no good. Meanwhile, I'd been to the bar plenty of times and have seen couples together having fun, past the dating nonsense and enjoying each other while they're out. But to behave as a single guy? If you've heard of someone "having their cake and eating it too" applies here. He's got the benefit of having you as his girlfriend at home knowing you're not out playing, while he can have the fun of flirting, dancing, acting like a single guy, and possibly behaving in a way that disrespects you and your relationship.

[pianogirlmeow]

What does he do there? Just out with friends? I don’t think it’s bad but i get how you feel, i feel upset when my boyfriend is out but i want him to have a good social life so i don’t mind. If it’s bothering you so much nothing wrong with telling him maybe he’ll slow down

[coachTanthony]

Yes because you have a choice not to be in a relationship with him. Guys hate nothing more then a woman who knows who the guy is but gets into a relationship with him then complains he does this or that. You have to power to leave if you don't like him as a whole.

[CuriousInquirer]

Alcoholism isn't good for anyone. So by leaving & not trying to get him to cease being a head in the bucket lush she's actually a lesser person

[coachTanthony]

She should of recognized in the beginning that isn’t the behavior she wants in a man and moved on so it doesn’t matter now she’s stuck doing whatever she’s going to do

[AviatorTom]

No, what's wrong with stopping after work and have a drink with his co-workers, or spending time with his buddies?

Now if he goes to the bar to pick up women, that would be a non-no.

[OlderAndWiser]

No, he is doing you a huge favor and telling you that he is not ready to settle down to a monogamous relationship and that you need to continue the search because he is NOT The One!

[Summeroflove]

No. Unless he’s seeing other girls. He can do whatever he wants.

[tzdc21]

It's not wrong to have personal time, but i will say that it is wrong to go to bars or clubs without your significant other while in a relationship. That's a place where single people go to. And it's not conducive to someone who is in a long term relationship

[StarWarGirl]

Yes it's perfectly fine to have/give some personal space even in relationship. Just we should be aware of what's there in that space but it's enough. I mean if your guy goes bar just only for drinking it's totally fine for him to go alone and enjoy his drinks.

[HLynn]

Excessive drinking is where the problem is, not the actual going out. My boyfriend goes out a lot. He is social I am not as much. He does not drink much and doesn’t get intoxicated. I am always welcome to go with and half the time I don’t. He just likes getting out of the house. Not I. His nature to sit around. He comes home at decent times. We don’t have much else to do in this city. He works and he is good to me and always answers his phone. At first I thought his going out is a problem but he is genuinely a social people and thrives of socializing. If he were coming home drunk as much as he steps out I’d leave him.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I think it is. I like to drink too, but I can drink here like right now while I type this that I'm typing, watching my murder porn here on the teli, with my woman back there watching me have all this fun.

People go to bars for sex. If he's going to gay bars... he's probably having butt sex.

[Vendela_]

murder porn?

[D_Bone_Steak]

@Vendela_ True crime... its slang name is murder porn.
https://youtu.be/l3Qf3Cp9JFk?si=w6BGRahiLm8UizHd

[RoοstеrBrеаst]

At first I thought it's something about murderers engaging in explicit acts. Like Donna Trump grabbing Adolf Hitler by the pussy.

[RoοstеrBrеаst]

[Vendela_]

@RoοstеrBrеаst wow you even had photo evidence

[Lliam]

Yes it's wrong. Try going to bars without him and see how he reacts.

At best, he's a lush; an alcoholic. He's wasting his time and money on booze instead of improving himself and thinking about both of your futures. And he's not interested in spending his time with you.

A future with him doesn't sound promising.

[JamesMI616]

Yes. He has no business there and nothing good is happening there. Not that there aren't exceptions to the rule but I'm sure he wouldn't approve of you going to the bar without him. That's because he knows what goes on in that environment.

[lilBigPotato]

It's only wrong if he doesn't want you to go with him. But if he goes out with friends and you are not interested to join them then you can't expect him to give up on his social life and friends completely.

[Jkgordon]

No he has a right to quality time you should get a hobby and stop worrying about a boyfriend really even a husband I wouldn’t give a fuckk seriously love yourself and get a hobby esp if u been with him for a few years and no ring lol

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

It's sad because you deserve better and a guy who will truly love you. God Bless You !!! My dad was a drinker in his earlier years, so I know for a fact it was not easy to deal with.

[DarkWinterNights]

Bars and clubs are for single people. There is no reason to go to them unless you like grossly overpriced drinks, want people to gawk at you, or hook up.

[electromagnetic]

No it’s not wrong. It’s wrong if he’s balls deep in someone else. He’s allowed to have friends and socialize.

[midnightmoon05]

What’s your goal? At 23 I want to date to be married. I would not want to marriage someone who drinks that much.

[Nikki1989]

I would be worried about his drinking more than anything else.

[HighValue]

Yes, that is wrong, just like women that post revealing pictures online. Both are looking for inappropriate attention from others.

[love_conquers_lust]

They serve food there. You’re going to have to learn to trust. Insecure otherwise. Although drinking without you there would be a dumb decision on his part. Stay sober, would be my advice.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

It’s ok as long as he checks in with the warden from time to time.

[exitseven]

If he is going with his friends to watch the football game it is okay. If he is going to meet girls I think not

[slatyb]

No, it's not. Is he excluding you, or do you just prefer not to go?

[skt19d]

If it's a regular thing. Absolutely. My soon-to-be ex wife did this. Hence the ex title. If it's every now and then with friends. I wouldn't worry too much.

[Sasha0426]

Is there more to why you’re divorcing her?

[Fireguy17]

No, just the same if/when you go to bars without him.

[KrakenAttackin]

I think so. I would not tolerate this from an SO.

[Twalli]

No. He has a life that is his and a life that is your's as a couple. It is healthy that all of his interactions are not as part of a couple.

[007kingifrit]

maybe, if it bothers you. you could tell him this. he should be willing to give that up for a relationship

[Anonymous]

He's probably going there to get drunk that's all

[Anonymous]

Unless he giving knee tremblers in the back alley or get his joint coped in a dark corner not at all

I've done good business in bars

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

I dont think it is

Mine is English and its part of their culture

[DizzTee]

What if it’s a restaurant with a bar and he goes to eat and happens to drink?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely...
He even don't deserve to go alone for potty while you both are in relationship...

[SPIRIT208]

No, let the boys vibe

[swettannie]

i don't think it's wrong

[bros26]

What you doing?

[motownplayer2000]

Do you go to the club or bar with your girls?

[BigDog1989]

I would think so, butttttt

[driven159]

That can be a red flag.

[OddBeMe]

Why don’t you trust him not to hook up?

[Luckycharms12]

Yap perfectly normal in my part of the world

[Anonymous]

It’s not good at all

[Anonymous]

If he mostly or always does that then yes

[TallAnon]

Nope