Yeah it can go two ways. Either you're being unreasonable due to paranoia or lack of self confidence and don't trust your partner.
Or your partner has given you reasons in the past not to trust him.
Either way it boils down to trust and if there's no trust then there is no relationship.
And it's not much of a relationship when you have to either control your partner and parent him all the time when you are both out, or you control him by preventing him from going out on his own when you don't want to... Because you're worried he might cheat with those girls.
That's what it boils down to. You're worried that he'll make out or have sex with another girl, so you would rather be there to act like his mother approving or disapproving of what he does or doesn't do... Or you will want to put a leash on him and keep him home because he isn't trustworthy enough.
And don't give me that whole, "But I do trust him, I just don't trust those girls" because that's a timeless cop out partners have been saying to justify their actions for generations.
Look, if he's the cheating type, then he will find a way to cheat on you regardless. You helicoptering him everywhere he goes isn't going to stop that, it isn't healthy for the relationship and it's certainly not healthy for you in the long run. You may in fact cause him to resent your controlling ways.
And if he does cheat, we'll then you have a clear understanding of what kind of a dickhead he is, saved yourself a lot of effort in forcing this relationship to last when it shouldn't in the first place, and now you can move on to someone you can actual trust.
On the other hand, if you give him some trust, give him some freedom and give him some breathing space, chances are he will appreciate you more and see you as more mature than others. Even if some girls try and pull something stupid, he'd probably have enough respect for you and realise the level of trust you gave him and will shut those bitches down so he doesn't ruin a good thing.
Alcohol and drugs at the parties are irrelevant. In my 20s I was the party host. People came to my place because they knew I wouldn't put up with any drama, BS, fighting and you could use and do whatever you wanted so long as nobody got hurt. I don't party anymore or do any of the stuff I used to, but back in the day, I used to drink a lot, smoke loads of weed, did shrooms, E, Acid, etc.
But no matter how shit faced I got, regardless if my head was in a toilet puking my organs out, I still knew right from wrong and I never cheated, despite having a few opportunities come my way.
People who use drugs and alcohol as an excuse for their cheating are just trying to hide their real intentions. And if they did it once and got away with it because you excused them due to drugs and alcohol, then they're going to do it again. There's a good chance they've already cheated before or will cheat again, even when drugs and alcohol aren't involved.
You're best bet is to give him some freedom, stop being so controlling, and get some self confidence. Relationships need trust and they also need risks. Two things will happen. If you take the risk and give him some freedom you will either prove that he is trust worthy and make your relationship stronger... Or he will be a dumbass and cheat, thereby justifying termination of the relationship and saving yourself some time in your life that could be better spent on someone more worthy.
There is no excuse for cheating. If someone doesn't like their partner or likes someone more, then break up. Cheating is a concious decision, regardless of intoxication. Nobody can get that fk'd up where they forget they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, yet not fk'd up enough to still know penis goes in vagina.
Yes you risk him cheating if you give him freedom, but that's how relationships work. Not giving him freedom will only delay the inevitable destruction of your relationship because nobody can put up with that Control for long.
Is it reasonable to not want my boyfriend to go to parties or hang out with other girls without me?
On the surface, it may seem like a perfectly reasonable request. After all, if you trust your boyfriend, why wouldn't you want him to go out and have a good time without you?
However, when you start to look at it a little closer, you may realize that there are some not-so-reasonable things going on beneath the surface. For one, it's important to consider the motivation behind the request. If you're simply feeling insecure or jealous, then it's probably not a healthy request to make.
However, if you have legitimate concerns about your boyfriend's behavior, then it may be worth considering.
Another thing to consider is the implications of such a request. If your boyfriend agrees to not go to parties or hang out with other girls without you, what does that say about your relationship? Are you two so insecure that you can't even handle being apart for a few hours?
Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what's best for your relationship. If you have trust issues, then it may be best to address those before making any decisions about parties or socializing.
There would be absolutely no need for any of that if you got one of these T-shirts for him.
OMG that is perfect lmao. I need it 😂😂
Is understandable, but what a lot of you women Sally don't understand and don't seem to realize is that you are not the wife to be making that decision for him. If he wants to go out with those female friends of his he can do whatever he pleases with or without your consent. He's a grown man to make those decisions. At the end of the day, if you knew that that's the kind of Lifestyle he has, and the type of person he is, why are you dating him and why did you date him? Is obvious you can't trust him or who he's friends with. And that should be considered a red flag. Best to be honest with yourself.
Has he given you any reason not to trust him? And how often is he going out with these girls, and his friends in general? How long have you guys been dating and how come you haven't met these female friends?
If he's spending more time with them than with you, I'd be a little more worried and talk to him about it about priorities.
I used to be like this, my last boyfriend pretty much had all female coworkers, and they would go out about once a month for work functions. I wasn't happy about it since I was never invited, but he was also a major flirt.
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Do yourself a favor and add this request in your future relationships.
"All I ask is that you avoid situations that could look bad, to an outsider looking in. If a stranger saw you and this other person right now. Would they think you're sleeping together or about to? Avoid that"
Have that and you avoid aloooooot of bullshit gray area situations that you wouldn't have possibly thought of beforehand. You don't have to be controlling or watching everything they do. You don't want to feel like you HAVE TO do these things, micromanaging your relationship. You will be happier by letting go of that.
You may want to trade him in now because his having women friends will likely bother you in other ways. Either that or try and meet his women friends. Which your being a woman too, can go well or it can go very bad. Thus placing the burden on your boyfriend of being in the middle of his friends and new girlfriend. I assume you are new since it sounds like you do not know his friends yet. Frankly speaking, even with us men, girlfriends who tell our pal, "no" ... it doesn't exactly earn points with us either. Now you are dealing with women friends which you know are an entirely different animal.
Here is how this will happen, "I can't come out because my 'girlfriend' won't let me..." He will throw you under the bus. In other words he will not word it, "Not tonight, I am spending it 'with' my girlfriend." Two examples, same result but will be received and interpreted in twi entirely different ways by his friends.
No I'd say that's reasonable. But some times you gotta step back and think do u really want to be with some one where you only feel secure if your around them so nothing happens? if that's the case then it might not be the right person for ya. Tbh I'm in your boat and feel ya 100 I just look for some one where I dont have to find my self in situations like that and try to date some one that int into the party drug scene and it eliminates situations like that for my self. Good luck
I think it's fair to a certain extent your still in high school and everyone talks to everyone for the most part but also the boy is young to I'm sure so u have to watch what his intentions are most parties or to hook up and meet people. People go in Hope's to get drunk or someone makes a desperate mistake and hooks up with them. Deff understand where your coming from but dont be to hard on him because it will make him run still allow him to have some freedom
I can see your issue with him going to parties (but it’s still not really reasonable), but not allowing him to hang out with friends without you just because they happen to be female? Don’t want to be rude, but it comes off as kinda clingy. If he really was the type of guy to cheat than you shouldn’t try to keep him anyways, he wouldn’t be worth it.
I get that it's hard to know if someone is the cheating type sometimes and that you'd rather prevent it or catch him in the act.
I suppose if it's eating away at you you could stay home from a party and ask a close friend to tell you if he did anything, but I think that there clearly isn't much trust in your relationship.
restricting his movements and interactions with anyone else leads to a controlling relationship.. which leads to oppression being felt by the one being controlled... which actually pushes them into choosing to cheat...
trust your boyfriend, if he's going to cheat he will do that regardless of restrictions... but if you restrict... there is a much much higher chance of it happening...
You'll start mate-guarding in the luteal phase of your cycle (second half, after ovulation). If you recognize that, you can compare your feelings in your luteal phase to your feelings in your follicular phase, then find a middle ground or pick which one makes the most sense to you.
And look up Martie Hasselton's research on how women's cycles influence their sexual and romantic behaviors. She's done quite a lot in that realm. Basically created the entire research subject.
Actually yes it is reasonable
But u gotta think it like this :
If he goes to a party u need to be there with him he should want u and u only to be there with him and if anyone tries to touch u or him it should be fucked off I got my woman or dont touch me or etc
Yes they are. They are just his friends. Even if they want something with him it's up to him to cheat or not. It's fine that you don't trust his friends. It is not fine that you don't trust him.
No, don't tell me that you do! If you did you would have no problem with him being alone with them. Not trusting your boyfriend is a problem...
If you get too controlling then what you fear most will actually be more likely happen. You should be able to trust him to make the right decisions and give versa.
It’s okay to express (respectfully) about how you feel paranoid when he’s around other women. But if take things another level he will feel like he can’t breath. That will backfire on you.
I think it's reasonable. But me personally I wouldn't be in the way of him living his life if were both still young. I believe that if someone want to cheat they will cheat, it doesn't matter if its parties or if he stays home all day. I've been drunk, high and partying with other men but I've never cheated so I don't really believe in that thing. You cheat if you want to cheat, simple as that.
Hell no!! Girl, this is one way for your man to just leave you and move on to another girl who will actually trust him. You sound very insecure and a complete control freak. If I was a guy, I wouldn’t date you at all!
It's normal that your worried about that. Guys in a relationship shouldn't go out partying with other girls in general
Let me ask who do you trust less, these "other women" or your boyfriend?
Is there something causing this distrust? If it's you you need to learn to work through it. Otherswise you may chase him away. If it's him you need to tactfully communicate why that's an issue with you. If je loves you he'll want to try to accomidate you. If he doesn't care then you need to ask yourself if you're really with the right person.
Hanging out alone with female friends I can understand you not wanting to happen. But party’s are something else. You have to let him have a social life away from you. Relationships require a little space every now and then to function well.
It sounds like you have trust issues. Do you think it's good to control him like that? Would you be okay with him going everywhere with you?
Clearly there's something bugging you. Have you every right to feel the way you do though because it's your feelings. Maybe you need to work on your insecurities? Or maybe you need to leave him because you get the vibe that either he will do something or someone else will do something when you're not around and that's not good to go crazy over.
so basically you have trust issues which means you're not ready to be in a relationship till you sort out your own mess going on upstairs and by upstairs i mean the mess going on in your head and your insecurity issues you got going on and trust issues you got going on. you really have no business being in a relationship of any kind if you're going to act and behave like that
No it's not. You need to trust him. Trust is everything. he's coming home to you at the end of the day. That's all that should matter
Nothing you can do will prevent him from cheating. Most cheaters will cheat at work during the day and at less obvious times. Although obviously they can cheat at anytime. If you can’t trust him then you have to let him go to be happy.
Well, they demonstrate that you are unable to trust him. That might well bite you on the ass sooner or later.
I don't blame you! I don't want my husband being around a bunch of hussies that will do their best to get into his pants. I'm just grateful that he trusts me, and loves me enough to let me go out without him!
The party part is totally fine, not counting family events, but not letting him hang out with friends is a bit far. What if they want to hang out and you're busy?
Thats fine as long as i have met them
Oh, yeah then i see no problem
I mean if my girl was going out partying with a bunch of guy friends, getting drunk without me, tbh if she was interested in doing that on any sort of a regular basis I wouldn't be dating her.
Well a big part of a relationship is trust you should be able to trust your boyfriend to spend hours alone with another girl and not have anything happen
No, if you trust him then he should be able to attend alone. If you can't trust him then break-up.
This is natural. If you don't feel secure then it is time to walk away. Your sposs to feel safe in your relationship.
That's the point. Use your time finding someone who earases your fears not creates them. I spent many years with a man who created fears. Its not worth it. Walking away hurts but sometimes staying is worse then leaving.
Hypocrisy, I haven't said anything about divorce rates. I also know many people who have been married for very long times and trust each other. Trust is essential in a relationship.
Maybe you are right but like I said trust is essential.
She don't trust him to go out alone.
I trust him to go out alone. Just not alone at drunk parties and meeting up with people i don't know
Exactly, so you dont trust him. Knowing he is 100% yours mean knowing he isn't interested in the girls at the parties
If you dont have trust, you have nothing. You need to have communication. If he's gonna go out, and just ask him to tell you about it and what time he's coming home.
It's fine. These idiots in the comments are the ones who get cheated on and then claim my ex cheated on me. No boyfriend or he should be getting drunk with another sex.
No it is not. He is not your posession. And you are not his. If you cannot trust him you shouldn't be together.
Alienating someone from their friends is abusive behaviour.
No nothing wrong with that.
I wouldn't date a partier.
Because when you get drunk and high no telling what you do.
Your inhibitians leave and sexual urges can be very strong.
The question is more of "why would he want to" (all the time... once in a while is ok) . As for you, it's pretty basic: you're insecure and you don't trust him. You'll be breaking up soon.
Honestly yes, but a relationship does require trust in order to work out in the long run.
You can be worried, but if you pressure him too much, he might feel too locked up and try to distance himself, I've seen this happen more than once. People get scared thinking their freedom is at risk and they jump out.
You are setting an unreasonable standard based on lack of trust.
You have to be able to trust him, if there's a reason you can't trust him, then maybe you should rethink your relationship.
No no it is not reasonable let him do whatever he wants lol even let him to marry someone else , omg
If your boyfriend wants to cheat on you hea gonna do it, sure you might catch him but if he really looking for extra puss he will nail it. All your doing is making more work for yourself.
What I'm trying to say is no amount of watching him will prevent him from cheating your just put unnecessary strain on your relationship. Trust and understanding is the only way you two will last longer than a month
I don't think it is reasonable to try to stop your boyfriend attending parties.
He will feel restricted and will come to resent you. Give him a chance for you to trust him.
Too controlling. Either you trust him or you don't. If you do trust him, back off. If not, leave
You obviously do not trust him. Without trust there can be no relationship. He deserves better!
A decent guy will not cheat.
Not because his girlfriend is or isn't there.
Your just bring neurotic
You’re a control freak, if u don’t trust him around other girls find another boyfriend
Or he has given her reason to not trust him in which she should also break things off.
Sounds like you have trust issues. The relationship won't last long without that
So, long as the same rules apply to you and your friends.
Depends, Most of my friends are girls, My girlfriend has to accept that and let my hangout with them. I only have a couple friends.
No, it's not. It's your boyfriend, not your servant, not your slave, and he has the right to have his own friends, and a life, outside of you.
No it isn't. The more you hold on to someone like that the more likely it is he will slip through your fingers. You need to allow him space
You can always Put Restrictions on him.
Example: I’m not giving you Sex unless you take me with you at all times.
Or both act like nature adults. Trust each other. If you can't, then what's the point? People are not objects , you don't own each other.
No , that is smart, but after seeing your pic , I doubt if you have anything to worry about unless he is crazy
Do what you do, but don't be shocked when he gets tired of you showing through action that you don't trust him at all
If you don't like his degenerate lifestyle, and you don't trust him... Then why are you with him?
It's reasonable only if you do not hang out with any guys besides him.
It is reasonable because if he loves you, he would never want to go without you.
Pretty insecure there aren't you?
Yea i can admit that im a little insecure
No obviously im not gonna break up with him. I love him. He hasn't done anything to make me not trust him. But I don't know i dont think its crazy for me to not want him drunk and surrounded by drunk girls.
Very unreasonable
It shows you don't trust him
Bad relationship
It's unreasonable because it is a sign of paranoia & controlling behavior.
Thats called the mike pence rule he should be following it anyways
No, it’s called jealousy and insecurity, get over it.
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