Should you tell your partner if someone hits on you?

Question

I was out with my boyfriend at the mall and while he stepped away to pay, some guy came and tried to hit on me - I rejected him immediately. I waited until we got back to the car to tell my boyfriend bcs I wanted to avoid any confrontation between my boyfriend and the guy. Now my boyfriend is extremely pissed and felt disrespected bcs I didn’t tell him as soon as it happened. He said he would’ve confronted the guy right then and there but I took that opportunity away from him bcs I waited to tell him.

I’m kinda torn, on one hand I waited to tell him bcs I didn’t want to cause a scene and I already shut the guy down by rejecting him but on the other hand I do feel like I took my bf’s opportunity to speak up and defend his pride as my man away. Would you have immediately alerted you partner if someone hit on you or would you have preferred to not say anything at all or at least wait a bit to tell them?

Lowly_Grump · Accepted Answer

Let me just say, you handled that situation with more grace and poise than a unicorn riding a rainbow. That boyfriend of yours has a brain as mushy as overcooked spaghetti, and his pride is as fragile as a egg that's fallen from the nest.

That fella trying to hit on you must've had eyes like a starved goat to even consider you with your taken self, but you shut him down quicker than a toddler's temper tantrum. Good on ya!

Now, this boyfriend of yours, with his puffed-up chest and his hurt feelings, needs to take a step back and realize what a catch you are. By waiting to tell him, you showed more sense than a hound dog on a scent. You avoided a scene that would've been as pretty as a pig in a ball gown, and you protected your beau from making a fool of himself.

His pride might be as bruised as a banana with black spots, but he should be thanking his lucky stars that you're a sensible sort and not some drama-loving, attention-seeking, glitter-farting goose like so many others.

So, my advice @on_my_knees to you, dear, is to stick to your guns. That boyfriend better shape up and realize what he's got, or he might find himself out in the cold, wondering where his sensible, thoughtful partner went. And if he can't see that, well, he's as blind as a bat in a blackout, and you're better off without him.

Now go and live your life with more sparkle and pizzazz than a fireworks display on the Fourth of July!

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

It depends on how it was done. If someone is aggressively and rudely is doing this then yes. But if someone who has no idea you are taken respectfully approaches you and you turn them down then that’s different.

Did this other guy make an overt/inappropriate sexual comment? Did he keep trying after you told him no? Or was he just very direct and/or unattractive?

If the other guy bows out quickly after you say no then just move along and say nothing. Because if you tell your boyfriend about this he’s going to envision the worst case scenario. But if this other guy was rude/threatening that’s a different story. And really think of the details of what he said/did.

If he was just an unattractive guy who confidently said “hello” to you and stopped when you rejected him then he absolutely did nothing wrong. But if he made overt sexual comments that’s a different story.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

Don't tell. There are some/few men who can take this kind of information in a light and playful way. For those, they feel good that they have someone that other men want. You two can laugh or smile about it. You've chosen him, and there is solidity in that.

But most/many guys will feel threatened, uncomfortable, territorial, anxious, and they may take that out of other men, or you, neither of which you want, or should want. Women who want men to fight for them have issues and create unnecessary problems.

You did nothing wrong. Don't let him convince you of that. Unfortunately, there are a lot of emotions involved with these things, and logic will often not prevail. So keep it to yourself next time. Unless you find yourself with a very secure man, or a man who values honesty above all else, and can understand, and handle, all that comes with that, you'll just be inadvertently creating trouble for yourself or him.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Personally, I would, just for my own safety -- you don't know what the creep hitting on you is thinking... if he'll come back... etc. He was waiting there for a moment when your boyfriend was away from you to hit on you... a predator... In those instances, then yes, certainly mention it.

I also think you were right to wait in telling him because he would probably have started a fight with the guy and only god knows what the heck would have happened in there.

You're a wise person and did the correct thing. Better his pride be a little bruised than bones be broken in an actual fight.

Finchie40 · Answer

Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot , because the guy that approached you probably had no clue you were in a relationship already , we don’t walk around with signs flashing over our heads saying what are relationship status is? , so you did the right thing by not telling your boyfriend until you got back to the car. Because your boyfriend would have definitely started a scene and more than likely get into a fight over nothing. So again your boyfriend is an idiot and good luck with that.

Account · Answer

I would and I have done so before. I prefer being transparent.  I don't feel it is right to hide such things and I fully expect the same of course.

EmisElite · Answer

I'm sorry you're feeling torn about how to handle this situation, little one. It's clear that you were trying to handle the situation in a way that would avoid confrontation and potential escalation, which is thoughtful of you. It's understandable that your boyfriend may feel hurt because he wasn't told immediately, as he likely just wants to defend you and show his support.

In situations like these, communication and understanding each other's perspectives are key. Maybe express to your boyfriend that you didn't want to make things worse by causing a scene, but you understand why he's upset and you appreciate his desire to protect you. Moving forward, you can work together on finding the balance between handling things in the moment and respecting each other's comfort levels. It's great that you shut the guy down right away, and that shows your loyalty to your relationship. You both care about each other, which is the most important thing princess.

spartan55 · Answer

Your boyfriend is a fucking moron. Confronting that guy is stupid on several levels.
First, the guy backed off after you rejected him. Problem solved and no further intervention is needed by Mr. Tough Guy Boyfriend. How would that guy know you were in a relationship? He was just being forward, it's not like he trying to go behind your boyfriend's back.
Second, it's a bad idea to confront anyone you don't know. You never know who you are messing with, your boyfriend could have had his ass handed to him, or worse. For what?
The odds of seeing that guy again are pretty slim. Go about your day and carry on.

Lliam · Answer

So what if some guy hit on you? You rejected him. End of story.

The only reasons that I can think of for telling a partner every time someone hit on you would be to either make them jealous or insecure or proud that you are a hottie that people hit on.

I wouldn't have even said anything, especially in light of your macho partner's reaction. Does he go around beating up guys who look at you?

Jessikaah91 · Answer

I would, but only because I literally tell my partner everything! But yours sounds ridiculous, this guy clearly didn't know you were in a relationship because your partner walked off, and it's not like you were yelling out "IM IN A RELATIONSHIP, NO ONE APPROACH ME" 🤣

Caroline91 · Answer

Why would the other guy need to be confronted? Were you wearing a neon sign that said “already spoken for”? He didn’t do anything wrong unless he wouldn’t take no for an answer, which was clearly not the case. Is your boyfriend really that insecure? You shouldn’t have to put off telling him things bc you are worried about his reaction/behavior.

BetaBucks · Answer

If the guy waited for your boyfriend to walk away, then swooped in, then he was 100% punking your boyfriend and you should have told him on the spot. If not, then there is legitimately zero reason to tell him. At any point. It's not even relevant unless you just feel like talking about it for fun.

bobalife · Answer

I always have and always will, I believe it’s respectful to be open and transparent in a relationship. I don’t think you did anything wrong. I’m sorry he projected it on you… it’s not really okay… hopefully you guys can have an open conversation to have a mutual understanding and compromise.

Ευδεμονια · Answer

I honestly think a relationship should be filled with mutual trust and support.
You did nothing wrong with the man hitting on you but I think it should be better communicating with partner every occasion there something unordinary. It builds trust, since maybe at first he’ll make a fuss over it but when he sees you reject and stay loyal, he’ll grow more trust and confidence in you.

jahaims · Answer

It depends on the context. If a friend disrespects your relationship and hits on you, you should tell. If you are grocery shopping and it's a normal they are just hitting on you and you turn them down then no. My wife and I tell each other because we find it funny most of the time

dustybiker2 · Answer

What is wrong with someone hitting on you? Your boyfriend needs to mature.. a lot.  Yes, I tell them, but then I tend to overshare with most people close to me. He just gets the unfiltered things too.

MzAsh · Answer

Uh, no lol. Women are hit on all the time. Our men don’t wanna know. They know it happens. They just don’t want us to rub in their faces. Just zip your lips next time.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

I think you did the right thing by not telling him right away. He might have got into a physical confrontation that could have landed him in jail and given him a police record.

MrDaveAPSI · Answer

This is what I don't get, so what, he's your dude. He doesn't OWN YOU. You could have just made another "friend", even if it meant it being a dude. Yes, the guy "hit on you", as you so conceitedly made it seem like it was but, the point was, is, your boyfriend DOES NOT OWN YOU

JTinSC1981 · Answer

Your boyfriend is an idiot and you did the right thing. One day your boyfriend is going to end up in jail because he attacked some guy who looked at you. Get away from the boyfriend and find somebody who isn't so jealous.

Anonymous · Answer

I've been here about a month, and have seen the same question. And I'll answer this one like i did that one, paraphrasing. My husband is like a king. If I go to him with anything, he takes it seriously. I'm 100% faithful, but If we were in the medieval ages, and I came at him everytime someone hit on me, their would be many heads rolling. It's best to stay true to the one you love, and leave details out that would hurt them or which would create drama.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Let's think about this problem another way. Forget how your boyfriend reacted to this previous situation for a moment; is there a real benefit to telling your boyfriend? If so, what is that benefit?

HawkPerception · Answer

I believe communication is key in a relationship. I feel better when my partner communicates every aspect of their day to me. Trust is earned over time through actions.

CrabCakes11 · Answer

I would tell my boyfriend because he wouldn’t react poorly. I think you did the right thing by preventing a needless conflict, and your boyfriend needs to settle down

matchrestore · Answer

I don't see why you should need to. You can't control if someone else hits on you or not

Kaneki05 · Answer

If a guy is so irrationally upset by this, I would hate to stay around finding out how he acts when there is something to be mad about.

Apple1996 · Answer

Nah I never tell my husband if I get hit on. I don't want him getting jealous

exitseven · Answer

He might have been embarrassed if the other guy was tougher than he was and he got his clock cleaned in front of you.

Nifrayu · Answer

You're boyfriend is being ridiculous. I wouldn't try to hide it or anything but bringing it to my partner's attention every time it happens is just silly. What is the point of that?

Alex-Snow · Answer

I don't think so. But if she asked I would tell her

DreamLife7 · Answer

You've posted this 10k times no one is hitting on u

Nikki1989 · Answer

Who has time for that?

summiter · Answer

Not really unless it was a friend of hers

MK1997 · Answer

If necessary

Should you tell your partner if someone hits on you?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Should you tell your partner if someone hits on you?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.