If a friend hits on you do you tell your boyfriend?

[Crimsyjo]

This friend I have slept with on a few occasions when single. He knows I have a new boyfriend but still asked to hook up. I made it clear I don't cheat and we just friends now. Do I tell my boyfriend, in the interest of being open and honest and proving i have nothing to hide? Or keep it from him as I have no intention of ever cheating and it might hurt his feelings or put suspicion in his mind to tell him? What would you do?

[HollyK21]

I don’t think you should tell your boyfriend because this isn’t an issue yet. Since you call your ex-fling a friend, to me it says that you still are in contact to some degree. If you aren’t firm about saying “no” rather than being friendly or passive, he will always think there’s a chance. So do some damage control, and cut him off because this guy doesn’t want platonic friendship with you. I am willing to bet that the moment you put some real finality into “no more sex”, he will either fall way back and never speak to you at all or ghost entirely.


On top of that, cutting ties at this point would just be out of respect for your partner. Sex should not be a reoccurring topic with any other man but your boyfriend, and despite how innocent you think it is because you’re rejecting the guy, I’m sure you still wouldn't want your man having that conversation with a woman he’s had sex with on several occasions. You wouldn’t want her to feel comfortable enough to keep coming back around asking for sex.

[Dinklex3]

Ooff. I’d definitely tell, but if I had sex with him before I would’ve had to drop him as a “friend” as soon as I got in a relationship.

I’m all about transparency though. My boyfriend already doesn’t like me having male friends, but deals with it because I assured him they’re 100% platonic.

If I didn’t tell him I’d feel like I was being dishonest, purposely keeping things from him. I think it’s weird to stay “friends” with the guy as he obviously has different intentions other than just “friendship”.

[Huntingnfishin]

I don't think it will do any good to tell him. If you're not going to act on it anyway then it's nothing. The way I see it going is it will make your boyfriend insecure and jealous while making your friend hate you for not keeping a secret. Just my thoughts take it or leave it

[Anonymous]

You should tell him.

Why are you still freinds with this guy? He clearly doesn't respect you or your relationship.

I wouldn't be with anyone who has "sleepovers" with her male friends. I'm fine with her having male friends, but there has to be boundaries.

[Crimsyjo]

Well we met as an FB thing rather than as friends first. And we don't socialise outside of that. As for being friends still... well, I'm not one to just cut people off. But as you say, might have to if he doesn't respect I'm in a relationship now.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating through the waves of past and present relationships can be as thrilling as a romantic drama, can't it? 😉 The key here is honesty, seasoned with a dash of tact. Imagine your relationship as a garden. Trust is the sunshine that makes it bloom. Sharing this incident with your boyfriend not only basks your garden in more sunlight but also shows him that the fences (read: boundaries) around this beautiful garden are well-maintained. It's all about how you frame it. Keep the communication open, emphasizing how much you value your relationship and that you wanted to share to maintain transparency. This way, you're not just avoiding the storm clouds of doubt but inviting clearer skies for trust to flourish. Remember, it's not just about preventing cheating but nurturing trust. And trust me, a relationship built on trust is as enchanting as a moonlit dance! 💫

[RavVid]

I think you should tell him and ditch the friend. Otherwise you are running with foxes and hunting with the hounds. You shouldn't attempt to do both.

[Crimsyjo]

Yes i think you are right. I've only been with my boyfriend 3 weeks though so until now I wasn't even sure if we would still be together so deciding to cut off "ex connections" hasn't really seemed necessary yet.

[RavVid]

Good.

In some ways you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. By telling him you are are giving him something to be jealous about.

In the beginnings of a relationship both sides are mate guarding. Ringing each other... what you're doing etc. In a way it is just learning the rhythm of your partners life but it is also building trust with them.

Later on, if he discovers you are hanging - even Platonic - with a former sex partner, trust and intimacy will take a big hit.

[sheikalana]

If you truly care for your relationship you should not even keep this guy around or stay in touch with him. Your boyfriend is going to be pissed off and assume that this is your fault you have a boyfriend but still keep that F boy around what exactly are you expecting your partner to do?

[Crimsyjo]

Yh i get that! It's just... I've been with my boyfriend only three weeks. And I have jumped fast before, cutting off people as soon as I started dating only for things to quickly not work out. So I figured I shouldn't cut off all my "friends" that i have built connections with over months just like that. And not cos I am keeping him/them as sex back ups. No. I think its possible to be just friends. But maybe I am being naive about that. I'm not sure what point in my new relationship is the right time to say OK, this is going somewhere, I definitely don't care about cutting off my connections?

[OtterMan68]

I'm assuming you're mature enough not to date a guy who will get violent, so I'd tell him and tell him nothing came of it, and your friend accepted your decision

[Crimsyjo]

I did tell my boyfriend. And he wanted to go beat the guy up. I'm hoping he won't as I think my friend tried his luck, I said no, and that should be the end of it!

[IslaTheWitch]

I wouldn't call him a friend... he just wants to satisfy his needs without even thinking about what situation he can put you in...

[HollyK21]

So true, it’s very self serving and he has no care for what position he’d but her in.

[HollyK21]

**put

[laly520]

u gotta push other friend away n cut ties

seeing him n keeping him around is so wrong

[Nikki1989]

We don't fuss over trivial nonsense like that.

[JohnK123]

You can tell him but then he might become overprotective of you but I would tell the friend to like stop bc it’s just as friends yk

[KrakenAttackin]

Does your boyfriend know this guy has been balls deep in you before?

[Billlewis]

No, of course not.

[Crimsyjo]

You surprise me Billlewis! Haha as I know you would actually enjoy not only knowing but for me to go ahead, letting you watch 😄

[NathanDavis]

my friends don't hit on me

[Crimsyjo]

Well. Was a friends with benefits friend.

[NathanDavis]

my friends came with different benefits... lol

[strateguy632]

better not to say

[Kulotz]

in your situation I would tell him

[Ms_Facesitter]

I do in case I see him again.

[SotiCoto]

I'm sure I would if I had one.

[LadyLa820]

Yeah i would probably bring it up.

[CubaPirate]

Honesty is the best policy