Is it weird to ask a girl out these days or is dating only on apps? I am talking about a complete stranger in a coffee shop or similar?

[bloodybusydoctor]

[Saramad_Hill]

Times have changed. Some people will be receptive to it, but many will not. If you see someone out in public, and they're not at a typical meeting place like a bar, then I'm going to assume they don't want to be bothered.

I have never tried to flirt with anyone in person, I never make the first moves. If nothing else, maybe I'll accidentally have a conversation with someone but I'm not going to be bold and ask for a number or anything.

Regarding dating online, well, that's a different beast entirely. It's flooded with men, somewhat. So competition is just very steep.

I'll be honest, I don't know how people meet or date anymore these days. I try not to worry about it, if it happens it happens, if I die alone, then whatever. I'm not going to comb a field for a four leaf clover, I can spend my time doing other things and focusing on making friends first. An opportunity may arise eventually, but getting stuck in the "I gotta hook up with someone right now" is just a recipe to become sad and depressed.

I feel like you need to look really good and ooze confidence to make a cold-approach work. Otherwise, I would just let people live in peace. Single men aren't rare: it is what it is. Being approached by a stranger is uncomfortable for everyone, but women especially seem to be on high alert and I would never want to spike their cortisol levels like that.

[DishLady]

It's a date, not an uber ride... my goodness...

No, why would it be weird to ask a person out in a face-to-face setting?

Ok, so I'll tell you a story -- bc that's wtf I tend to do... please excuse any typos...

Back when facebook ("FB") was a very new thing and I was newly separated, reconnecting with family and friends who I hadn't been able to keep in touch with while I was with the guy... there was a fellow who found me and started chatting me up. He was ok, but never asked me out, never seemed interested in that way... zip.. zilch... nada. He would tell me about his work travels, I'd tell him about a project I was working on back then. Very innocent.

One day, a few years down the line when FB had the event calendar feature added, I liked/accepted/clicked "going" to an event... He didn't ask me about it, didn't even let me know that he noticed I planned to go. Nothing...

The day of the event he showed up with a rose for me and asked me out. It was the sweetest thing... way nicer than asking me on some app. (Of course, knowing him for that long without any spark, I just gave him a hug and suggested we go grab a coffee, but that's also a different story for another day.)

My point is, if you see the person in front of you and you WANT to ask her out... what's stopping you? The worst that can happen is she says no, right? And in my opinion HEARING a no is way better than just being deleted or blocked or left-swiped on some f-ing app...

[bloodybusydoctor]

Wow that is really sweet!

I need to provide more context. It has been hot and quite windy here this week and I was sitting by the window of my local coffee shop. The girl I am referring to was actually about to walk in. She was wearing a mid length black skirt that was quite 'floaty'. As she opened the door, the breeze lifted her entire skirt all the way up. It took her some seconds to control it at which point she walked in with her head straight down.

I must say I found this to be so unbelievably sexy and I really wish I had the courage to have asked her out. She lined up, quickly grabbed a takeaway coffee and away she vanished!

Would you feel ok being asked out in that circumstance?

[DishLady]

Ok, so to be fair... even Marilyn Monroe (https://www. researchgate. net/figure/Skirt-wearing-spoofers-on-the-anniversary-of-Marilyn-Monroes-infamous-subway-grate_fig1_356913376) was embarrassed to shoot the scene where her dress was supposed to fly up... she actually had the crew dig up some shorts for her to wear, which you can see here (https://www. wnycstudios. org/podcasts/studio/articles/marilyn-monroes-long-lost-skirt-scene).

Whlie OBVIOUSLY guys would find the visual really hot... tbh the girl PROBABLY would not have wanted to draw attention to herself just then, so asking her might have been awkward. HOWEVER... You could have gotten up to get the door for her on her way out... and perhaps said a kind word to alleviate her embarrassment... and asked for her number...

[bloodybusydoctor]

Damn! That WOULD have been a good move! I just couldnt think of a way to approach her!

[DishLady]

Dude... life's too short... you're in your 40s? Just the simple gesture of opening the door.

[SueShe]

@bloodybusydoctor if I get your point correctly, you only wanted to ask her out because you saw her knickers and not because of her character or personality. Good to know.

[DishLady]

@SueShe Well, he saw her first... no need to get all crazy and rude about it. And ACTUALLY her demure character shines through in this story, so perhaps less judgement and more reading comprehension?

[SueShe]

He seemed to find her "unbelievably sexy" only after her skirt lifted and apparently not before, thus my comment. Otherwise she would have been just another girl not worth giving a look...

[DishLady]

@SueShe He's a male human with eyeballs, kiddo. What do you want? Stop being such a curmudgeon It's Saturday... take a chill pill.

[SueShe]

haha :-)

[Darkchild25]

Thanks. I needed to hear this. I got in my head the other day when I was at a works induction and wanted to talk to a lady that walked in late. I kept thinking I'd talk to her once the induction was over she walked out and I made excuses to my self and didn't follow. I don't know what her name she mentioned the department she works in but I dunno how I could find her. Next time.

[DishLady]

@Darkchild25 Just don't be creepy about it. Gentlemen get the ladies.

[Darkchild25]

I can but try. I don't think I come off that way. But I'll be mindful. I think that's my problem I think too much.

[Roxy0050]

love it!

[Roxy0050]

That's a cute story! She probably felt a bit embarrassed and didn't know it was a magical moment for you. It could have been awkward under that circumstace and would have taken some careful handling not to appear creepy. But if you could have given her a compliment and told her she looked like a movie star for a moment there, and then told her you would love to buy her a coffee next time she comes into the coffee shop, you might have had an above 50% chance of success - depending on her personality and if she was single etc. As a single lady who is very attractive, I find men clearly looking at me and clearly too shy to approach let alone ask me out because maybe they think they don't have a chance, but that leaves me beautiful and sexy but lonely and single because no guy ever asks. Just saying.

[sage2021]

I remember the first time I took my son to the Barber shop for his first haircut.

The barber apparently liked me because when I went to pay for his haircut, the barber slipped me his business card and wrote his phone number on it, and I gave him mine. We dated for nine months. He wanted to get married but I didn't 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Avicenna]

I don't think it's weird, but you might catch someone by surprise when you ask them out someplace like that. Probably easier just to get her number so you don't have to move super fast.

[Roxy0050]

Great advice!

[Avicenna]

@Roxy0050 thanks!

[Little_Bumblebee]

It wouldn't be weird, no.

However I do believe the success rate for a yes would be higher if you started with a conversation before asking them out. See if there's a vibe, show what kind of person you are.

They would also feel much safer to agree if they're into you.

[pethouse]

I don't know. Some women love the attention, some women hate it and think that the men that approach women and ask them out are entitled pigs. I literally read an entire thread of women complaining about men approaching them. Of course all those men were “unattractive”.

[MisterWack]

You can talk to her a girl and see if you hit it off, if she says she isn’t interested or something respect her wishes and move on.

[Anonymous]

coffee shop and grocery store girls get hit on 100 times a day and usually have boyfriends already anyway, so if it's in person it has to be someone you've known for awhile

[paledreams]

It's an irony isn't it? I knew this even when I worked amongst 20s women when I was 20s the last decade and I always knew, what male customers didn't know, and that would be "most of my female colleagues are already taken or they're focused on work, studies, not dating" etc. 😊😉😆 and no, they weren't dating me ♀️😋

[edmwarrior]

Not weird at all. In fact, women have told me they prefer this. I’ve seen on social media that women often go to coffee shops hoping Mr. Right talks to her.

[JTinSC1981]

If you're a chad, you can still do in-person pickups. If you're a beta, you cannot.

[katiesmuff]

I think you will find that the best way to have a good date is to do the asking in person!

[OftenUnsaid]

I don’t think it’s weird but If you see a girl that’s attractive sit and actually have a conversation instead of asking for her number. Then if the conversation is going well ask her out.

[Amin_Parker]

No, it is not weird to ask a girl out in real life as opposed to dating apps

[paledreams]

Only if the wrong type of man or wrong man asks them flirts them etc unwanted etc

[paledreams]

The amount of times I worked retail or other service jobs in my 20s and male customers often thought they'd have a shot with the women workers uhhh bro if only you's all know they're taken ahahahaha lol 😆🤣

[tomgrosse77]

With apps at least you know the girl is actually interested in dating. Cold calling is a total crapshoot.

[Emmytexrex]

Man we do that before dating apps and we still do it after dating app bro is not weird man up

[Pohjolan]

Just don't if she shows signs of being a feminist looking for a excuse to be triggered.

[KrakenAttackin]

Your profile picture screams "it puts the lotion on or it gets the hose".

[LiamJHayden]

Cold approach is all I do.