Should I apologize?

[Anonymous]

So.. I’m currently dating this guy and he’s only separated…he’s getting the divorce soon.. I wanted to see his wife but he was so against me seeing her and he won’t explain why but I looked anyway and he thinks I invaded his privacy by seeing what she looks like…I was just curious…did I really do something that bad?

[DishLady]

First of all... he's not divorced yet and you shouldn't be with him. Next, if the wife sees you with him and they're not formally separated or divorced she can file a bunch of claims at him that will cost him $$$...$$$, so if he's defensive he's possibly thinking about his wallet. Lastly, this guy is just shady...

A shady guy who claims that you're dating, etc. but won't explain himself or share details about his actual life is a shady guy not worth your time.

[kylee2437]

Your first mistake is involving yourself in a situation that isn’t finished yet.

[Asker]

We started talking before he told me he wasn’t divorced yet 😅

[waterliliestxt]

Was it a long time he waited to tell yo?

[Asker]

Maybe a month

[waterliliestxt]

Slippery slope for sure not too bad he was probably just waiting to make sure it was something serious. If it isn’t a long time till his divorce then not a big deal but if it is then something to think about maybe? I have more insight on it but it’s too much to type lol

[Asker]

He’s waiting until next year to get divorced

[waterliliestxt]

I see okay. I don’t want to judge to harshly since I don’t know you or this person but I hope you guys can talk things out? Especially if it is going to be serious then this matters.

[Asker]

I asked him again and I also asked if he’s pursuing me and he said he doesn’t know…so I feel like I wasted my time

[kylee2437]

@asker you are wasting your time. You are the in between of a messy but potential work outable marriage. And while he may or may not go back to her, if he even has that option , this is situation because he’s rebounding

[Asker]

Damn…

[kylee2437]

Don’t be someone’s rebound. Tell him he has too much baggage and move on. Your initial issue wouldn’t be an issue if he didn’t have so much current baggage

[Asker]

That’s true

[kylee2437]

And you mentioned this has been a thing between you and him for a year? Yeah no. A year is way too long to be in this current stage with somebody. He seems like a man that hides a lot of details to benefit him. Not someone you should want to be with.

[Asker]

He did say if something happens to jeopardize a serious relationship he wouldn’t tell me….

[kylee2437]

@asker his current marriage isn’t working out for a reason. If his wife has moved on like he said, and he hasn’t well chances are he’s not too good of a man to be with. And even still because he hides so much , you are chancing on whether or not what he is saying is truthful. It all just sounds like a huge nope

[Asker]

From what I was told…it seems like she was the problem

[Asker]

But then again my ex said the same thing about his ex and I later found out he switched everything

[kylee2437]

Relationship problems are never just one persons problem, and once a man tells you it was only his ex that was a problem, that’s a red flag.

[Asker]

I understand

[slatyb]

That should be a deal-breaker. He had a duty to disclose his marital status immediately, before the first date

[slatyb]

The problem is likely not his wife.

[JesseP1nk]

I dont think you did something wrong. He won't explain why he won't let you see her picture... Could it be... he is telling you "he is getting divorce soon" but actually won't and you are just his side piece? Thats why he says he will divorce to keep you around. And how his upset you ruined that plan

[waterliliestxt]

I’m worried of the same thing, especially with how OP replied to other opinions

[Asker]

I know she has someone else and doesn’t live with him or even in the same state but I do find it weird

[slatyb]

No, but don't count on that divorce happening anytime soon. Are there children?

[Asker]

No they don’t have any

[slatyb]

You didn't do anything bad. It's weird that he didn't want you to do that. Feels like a red flag to me.

[waterliliestxt]

From my perspective no? I don’t think it’s a big deal honestly but for some reason it matters to him a lot so definitely check on that. I’m sorry to ask but are you sure he’s separated and getting divorced?

[Asker]

Yes.. as far as I know

[Asker]

She moved on

[waterliliestxt]

Ahhh okay then, yeah definitely have a more in depth conversation for why that is a big deal. There has to be a reason good or bad. I don’t remember if you said how old your relationship was but either way this will obviously be a sour spot if it isn’t resolved.

[Asker]

It’s been about a year and I asked but he said it’s his own reasons

[waterliliestxt]

Hmmmm is there a lot of topics he has the same response to?

[Asker]

Yes actually

[waterliliestxt]

Is it specifically things related to his past or just in general?

[Asker]

His past

[waterliliestxt]

Based on your replies there is a lot I would to unpack here but unfortunately comment section isn’t convenient so I will say this. Make sure someone is acting like they want to be long term and not just stringing you along is your relationship going anywhere and making real progress? Not everyone’s relationship leads to marriage but where would you like yours to go? Time is limited and best spent with people who we are for and care about us.

[Asker]

Thank you