Can a guy please explain this to me honestly?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend always likes to start arguments, and continues to argue after I tell him he's right so I asked him a simple question, not being bitchy, not jealous, not integrating him and not in my feelings just a straight up yes or no question about a female bc I didn't know her, and after a simple question I was gunna leave it alone, he ends up arguing with me over and over again saying I'm in my feelings and I'm jealous and now realizing he does this every time on my every month (if you catch my drift) he ends up adding a female, or being on snap chat late at night or ignoring me for a long period of time and when I ask just a simple question like for the female thing, and he only has like 9 people on his Facebook, anything I have to worry about, or when he doesn't talk to me for hours and I asked if somthing is bothering him bc he hasn't messaged me a day, we end up arguing, and I don't want to like when I do this stuff I wanna communicate as a couple but he pushes the issue, and it's annoying, like os it bc he can use the time of the month as an excuse to argue bc I'm "so called bitchy" when I'm fine and happy like I don't get it?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ay girl, I think I know what's going on here. Your man sounds like he's definitely up to some sketchy stuff if he's always turning things around to start fights with you when you ask simple questions. A few things stand out to me:

- Why he's so defensive and quick to call you jealous/bitchy? Major red flag, he's probably hiding something.

- Late night Snapchats and random girls on his Facebook? Nah sis, no good dude is sneaking around doing that behind his girl's back.

- Ignoring you for hours then blaming you for being "in your feelings"? Textbook gaslighting and deflection tactics.

- Picking fights right around your period? Damn, what a coincidence that's when he acts shadiest and tries to use your hormones as an excuse. Too convenient.

You're right to have your guard up with this clown. The way I see it, his "arguments" are really just to divert you from seeing what he's really up to. Normal guys don't act this suspicious over simple questions from their girl.

I'd confront him straight up about your concerns and how his actions don't add up. And if he keeps denying and blaming you, you might want to consider whether you can trust him or if it's time to find someone who respects you more sis. You deserve way better!

[DishLady]

Ok, so... The guy is arguing after you've finished arguing because he needed more processing time. So he processes... then comes up with his list of responses... and then flings them at you like you just need to pick the discussion up from where the argument (or point you were making) left off. It can be really daunting and catch you off guard, but just try to roll with it anyway and don't allow your feelings to get hurt. Just listen.

Possibly you're also crabby during your period (if you catch my drift) so you probably think you're calm but you actually sound agitated to him.

This business with the other snap, etc. etc. all seems like nonsense.

If you're arguing too much and he's hurting your feelings beyond what you can reasonably take, then why are you with this guy? Please move on.

[Asker]

I caught him cheating on apps and when we got back together I made boundaries and agreements that if I had any question he would answer it without getting mad or disrespectful, also I don't like snapchat bc that's where I caught him and also he very limited me on it bc of what he was doing so I cut it out of my life. He not hurting my feelings I just don't like people that can't keep a promise or a task on hand.

[DishLady]

If he is cheating on you... move... on. Don't be with this guy.

[Emanon25]

Luckily he’s just a boyfriend not a husband and you have kids with, ask yourself how long can you live or stand being in this situation then you’ll find the answer.