My boyfriend finds me annoying. How should I deal with this?

[Anonymous]

Tonight I was talking to my boyfriend about how I plan on paying for college after I graduate, telling him how I plan on taking out loans and getting a job. But my ideas sounded jumbled because I’ve never done this before and I don’t understand financial aid and all that stuff yet. (For context, he’s 3 years older and is more knowledgeable about these kinds of things because he works as a student advisor.) He then turned around and started asking me if he should get therapy. I asked why and he said “the things you say annoy me” and “I feel irritated by the way you are”. I comforted him and told him his feelings are valid and emotions are something you can’t completely control so he shouldn’t feel ashamed. But I still feel so hurt by what he said. I get annoyed with him sometimes but it’s never about the way he is, just the occasional cringy behavior or bad joke. I feel so sad but I can’t even defend myself. I don’t know much about life and I talk too much. And when he looks at me, I see disdain in his eyes but he always tells me he loves me. It’s so confusing. I have ambition and confidence that I will be able to take care of these loans and my schooling/career but I’m starting to doubt myself because he doubts me. Have any of you experienced this? How should I cope with my boyfriend thinking I’m annoying?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're going through a really tough and hurtful situation. First, acknowledge that your feelings are valid and it's okay to feel hurt. It's important to recognize that his behavior and words are not a reflection of your worth or potential.

Consider having an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about how his words and actions are affecting you. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and avoid blaming or attacking him. For example, "I feel hurt when you say I'm annoying because it makes me feel unsupported and uncertain."

It's also essential to remember that you're not alone in this feeling. Many people have experienced similar situations in their relationships. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can help you build confidence and self-worth.

Remember your ambition and confidence are valuable assets, and don't let someone else's doubts define your potential. Keep in mind that relationships should be supportive and uplifting, not draining or hurtful.

Take care of yourself and prioritize your emotional well-being. If the situation persists and you feel unhappy or unsupported in the relationship, it might be time to reevaluate whether this relationship is healthy for you.

[Levin]

For godsake woman, where is your bloody self respect?

You can see the pattern that is emerging already. He's eating away at your self esteem, making these little comments here and there. As you say, you're already doubting yourself. This pattern is only going to escalate.

People's behaviour towards you is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. You need to value yourself. And you need to have sufficient boundaries. ie expectation of acceptable behaviour towards you. Boundarying involves consequences ie telling people to bugger off if they don't treat you right, and being able to be alone if the alternative is being with someone who doesn't value you.

Also, why can't you stick up for yourself?

[avery58]

What a jackass. If he feels so irritated by the way you are then why is he even dating you?

You don't have to change yourself for him if you aren't doing anything wrong. You seem insecure and easily manipulated. You shouldn't apologize, comfort him and tell him that his feelings are valid after he completely disregards your own feelings.

I'm sorry but I feel that he is using you for whatever reason, he doesn't really love you if he treats you like that and is annoyed by any little thing you do or looks down on you all the time. You should really reconsider the relationship.

[worldscolide]

Dude sounds like a jerk. Why are you with him if he treats you like that? If I were in his shoes, I'd damn sure listen and try to help you with college.

[LiamJHayden]

Everyone deserves better than to stay with someone like that.

[In_Trance]

break up