He said that I irritate and annoy him all the time, I don't want to, but we are both very stressed at work and it's affecting our relationship.
Are there any techniques to avoid that... I don't want to be pain in the ass.
When someone is stressed out and becomes irratable the secret to getting their attitude to change is empathy.
My preferred method is to start off with what I like to call a disarming gesture. You're going to have to use you're judgment depending on how irrational he's become.
It could be anything from a hand on his shoulder to a backrub. A silly, comical gift to a fun prank that cuts through the tension. It could literally just be the action of sitting quietly next to him with no eye contact until he acknowledges you. Whatever it is, it comes before you start the conversation and it breaks the pattern which causes any outburst or shortness.
Then tell him that you see him trying and you love (x) about him. The goal is to break the stressful pattern, to recharge his mental battery. He spends his day giving his energy to his job and wife, what every man needs is a little acknowledgement and respect. He wants to feel like what he goes through is currently benefitting you and that he can trust you to believe in him.
When you make him feel valued and respected, he will return it to you. At the end of the day, you're meant to be best friends. Sometimes instead of thinking about how to get the relationship to a fictional goal you've set in your mind, it's better to see what you already have in front of you and see the person who is going through the same things as you are.
Chances are, he will return the favor. Maybe even immediately.
And remember, if it the conversation starts to get even a little heated, try to keep it light hearted without making him feel belittled. This is very easy for either of you to do. When he says something that gets you fired up, pause, remind yourself you're trying to be empathetic, and go deeper. And eventually, you'll get to the real problem.
Kinda like the pit of an alvacado. On the surface, an alvacado seems like it's one thing, but as you peel away the mush, you find it's all really just there because of the hard bit.
Women generally bring up their issues to be heard out. Men bring them up looking for resolutions. Exceptions both ways on this of course. But that’s where the disconnect happens.
I’m guessing this is likely an attention issue. Nothing wrong with needing ocasional attention. But when you don’t feel like you are getting it that’s when the nagging starts. That drives guys further in the wrong direction.
My advice is to connect with a friend or family member if it’s one of those moments you need attention quickly. Work it out of your system without having to bring up every little thing to your boyfriend. Give him some breathing space. Once he has some space he will be more calm and open to talking to you. But you have to realize he looks at the world differently then you do.
Are these questions, things you want answers to? Are you trying to resolve something?
It is hard to tell if he is annoyed bc he’s trying to avoid being honest and blaming your behavior for his own evasiveness which is incredibly annoying and not uncommon gaslighting tactic in relationships
Or, are you just asking unnecessary questions for no reason?
I am uncomfortable that you asks how to “not be annoying” instead of leading with whatever is bothering you in the relationship that he refuses to discuss
this sounds toxic but not enough info
Just bc someone “hates questions” doesn’t give them a right to dictate terms.. & doesn’t mean you don’t deserve an answer of it’s important.
if he refuses to communicate and just calls you annoying, I’d reconsider this relationship.
Being shoe to trust your partner. is huge. If you can’t ask stuff without being attached, this is not sustainable.
However, you made this post so vague it’s hard to know what’s going on.
I think some people are willing to relax their expectations when they see that holding to their rigid demands does not work and does not change social behaviour in others. Others are not willing to let go of their rules. It varies from person to person.
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Stop being annoying. He obviously has laid out specifically what you are doing to annoy right? If not you better ask.
Quote 'we are both very stressed at work and it's affecting our relationship'
Yes, he is taking his stress out on you and you are accepting responsibility for the 'crimes' that (which he perhaps even imagines or manufactures) he has decided to assign to you.
So step one is not 'how do i stop being a pain in the ass' it is 'to question what reality actually looks like', are you actually doing something wrong or are you in an abusive relationship?
Even if you are doing something wrong I think it is unlikely in the extreme that he is not also at fault but he is not acknowledging or working on his faults he wants to 'fix' the problem that he is having by beating you down.
yea stop. is that loving? focus your communications on being loving to him. you are taking out your stress on him. both of you go to yoga.
if you need to vent, call a girlfriend and dump all your garbage on her, then be nice to your boyfriend. that's what girlfriend's are for.
give him a break verbally and emotionally.
I mean it's very simple ask him what you do that specifically annoys him and try to stop doing it. Men respect when their woman listens to them. Men like being leaders and when they have a kind of woman that shows respect and does what they are asked (respectfully and not crazy things) they will not want to lose you. Men know it's hard to find a woman nowadays that actually listens and respects them. So by having a woman that does he would be stupid to leave. If it's too hard to communicate then try giving him a blowjob at that point when he is stressed out he definitely don't want to argue. I doubt he would turn down a BJ and he definitely would appreciate it. by the way I'm not trying to come off as rude or funny but that's the truth
1) Learn to be quite and talk less.
2) For few days keep his stomach full, cook food for him stuff he likes or get takeout , and drain his balls empty handjob/BlowJob/Vaginal /anal, doesn't matter. You keep "his stomach full and his Balls Empty," He is going be happy!
Do this 2 things it will help a lot!..
I can see the work stress , i advise you to put the work pressure on the door step 2hile ente ring home, and smile while to talk , and stop yelling at home for things that he didn't do , i am sure he might have left some specific things you instructed , yelling dont help , it creats hate to each other just remind him
Just chill don't talk about everything you don't need too , things should be self explanatory and make sure you don't repeat yourself just say things onces and communicate on things that's important and don't repeat it again n again but i will expect u to do same n again n again so it's better for him to increase his patience why don't you talk about this situation itself and see his take on it
That's to vague to be useful. HOW do you annoy him?
Do you live together? If not, why not give it a break and see a little less of each other once the stress levels subside a little.
When everyone is a happier place.
Just stop being annoying. Stop for a second and ask yourself "would I be annoyed if someone said this to me"
Get a new boyfriend, if he can’t accept you as you are now, then that’ll just get worse.
Dump him. No chance id stay with someone wholl say things like that to me
The best technique is to find another boyfriend who you do not irritate. How simple can that be?
sorry... just can say but is it right or wrong I don't know...
don't try to change him... or try to correct him...
do some your hobbies at home... try to learn some hands crafts... try to new dish
Give him peace, meaning stop bothering him and nagging him all the time. Learn how to be quiet.
Ask him what you do that annoys him specifically. He could just be lashing out on you and your mere existence annoys him. If thats the case fuck him. If he has a good answer then work on it.
Give each other some breathing space i guess.
It’s easy. Find things you do that you wouldn’t want done to you, and then stop doing them
If someone tells you that it's time to part off.
Keep annoying him but do it even harder than you’ve been doing it 👍👍
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