Was I wrong here or?

[Anonymous]

So I went on a few dates with a girl, we hit it off well. Lots of similar interests and things in common and we had a lot of fun together, she told me she adored me, lots of kissing and touching but we didn't have sex although I tried, and she stopped me (totally fine). After the 3rd date i noticed she started pulling away. I tried 3 more times, (once a week, she was only free on weekends) ... but she was giving me excuses with no reschedule each time I asked her out. So, I backed off and stopped reaching out.

Over a month goes by and she reached out to me. I asked her how she had been, she asked me the same. I asked her what she'd been up to and... crickets lol literally not even two sentences in even and i got ignored and she clearly read my message (read receipts). A whole day went by and before that she responded much faster.

So I messaged her, I and told her... "Hey so I want tbh with you. I felt you pulled away and pretty much ghosted me when I was trying to get to know you. And when you reach out after over a month of no communication and tried to make convo I get ignored. pretty confusing lol. I'm not upset, i actually really enjoyed the time we spent together but if this is how she wants thing to be moving forward, then I'm not interested and maybe we should try another time."

Her response was "She respects that! and knows she's been wishy washy, and can't promise that will change any time soon but she adores me (heart emoji) and she won't reach out anymore."

I responded and told her "I adore her as well and didn't want her to feel like she shouldn't reach out, take all the time you need. My door is open."

I just dont understand.. I can't for the life of me think of a weird moment or me doing something to piss her off or anything. I still really like her but i value my time and dont want to be strung along like i felt like what was going on.

Did i mess this up by communicating I would walk away if she wanted to keep treating me this way?

[Oliverlogan263]

Eh, I don't think you necessarily messed it up by being honest with her. Sometimes you just gotta speak your mind, ya know? It's better than letting stuff fester and getting more confused.

Sounds like from the start she was giving mixed signals and hot/cold vibes, which is never cool. Blowing you off after the dates and then randomly texting out of the blue a month later, like make up your mind! Who does that? You'd think if she was really interested she'd make more of an effort.

I get why you felt strung along and didn't want that drama. At least by telling her straight how you felt, now the ball is in her court if she actually wants to put in more effort. And you made it clear you still like her so she doesn't have to feel totally scared off.

My advice would be give her a little space now. See if she hits you up on her own in the near future and actually follows through this time. If not, then you know for sure she's just wishy washy and you can totally move on guilt free. You handled it alright I say, no need to second guess yourself now. You were respectful while also standing your ground. That's all you can really do!

[Asker]

Well i still feel as if something else is going on behind the scenes but im not 100%. I say this bc Im in the same mutual friend group. My buddy is dating this womans mother (apprently he's into older women), she's 25, mom is 45. Im not 100% cetain but it seems im getting the colder shoulder from my buddy. I can't help but feel like there's something interfering. I've seen oddly coincidental "vague" posts from her mother on fb. I don't know i could be wrong.

It was weird though she hit me up the same day I invited My buddy and his girlfriend (the mom) out for my bday last week. Thats the last time i talked to her and said what i said.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude that is sketchy as hell if her mom's involved somehow. Would not be surprised at all if that lady is in her ear saying shit to mess things up between you guys. Moms can be way too overprotective and nosy sometimes.

And your friend dating the mom is a weird ass situation to begin with. No way that doesn't cause drama eventually. I'd bet money something got said to your friend about backing off too, and now he's giving you the cold shoulder cause of it.

Older women, man, more trouble than they're worth most of the time. Don't be surprised if her puppet master mom is weaving some crazy story to sabotage you. These Facebook "vague" posts you mentioned are so obviously jabs at the situation too.

I'd say at this point you dodged a major bullet by cutting ties. Things would only get messier dealing with a girl who doesn't have her own mind and her mom in your biz all the time. Find you a woman who's her own person, this chick is under mommy's control too much drama. Just leave em both alone and let them trip over their own BS. You'll find somebody way more worth your time, bro.

[Asker]

Dude seriously, The super coincidental jabs, the cold shoulder. I didn't even do anything wrong! lol Its so odd to me. you're probably right im sure I did dodge a bullet but this has happened to me more than once and im seriously so sick of other people people being nosy. I get it, parent should be involved in thier childres lives but its time to let them be adults when they're almost 30 lol. smh

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah man, that is seriously wack. So annoying when people get all up in your business for no good reason. Like you said, she's almost 30, does her mom really need to be that involved still?

I feel you though, I've definitely had my share of nosy friends or relatives mess stuff up before too. Makes you not even wanna bother sometimes, feels like you can't even trust people.

I'd just try to stop stressing about it too much my dude. Easier said than done I know, but you seem like a chill guy and didn't do anything wrong. Her loss if she lets her mom butt in and ruin things!

Your friends should have your back no matter what too. Maybe have a boys night and get your mind off it, might find out more from your buddy without being all confrontational too.

Things'll work out, you'll find someone not so dramatic soon I bet. Keep doin you and don't let em weigh you down too heavy. Life's too short for that BS!

[DarkLegacy]

She is just playing you mate. Drop her and find someone more fun and less boring

[Asker]

Yea, you're probably right man. Im definitely not letitng this stop me from finding someone else but who knows.. thats why i left the door open for her.

[Anonymous]

After you said you were confused I think that would’ve been a good stopping point. In any case, you followed that up with telling her the doors still open if she changes her mind about not reaching out again. There’s really not much to “figure out” with this woman, she’s indecisive and we know what that word means. The problem dealing with these wishy washy people is that while they’re figuring their shit out, you’re just on standby waiting for them to pick you and to me it’s disrespectful. Wait for a woman who wouldn’t do this to you, because you’d never do this to them.

[Asker]

100% i agree. Hopefully she didn't interpret that as me waiting for her because I will definitely be looking for other opportunities. I just hate situations like these. she's apart of mutual friend group and now it seems like they are kind of giving me the cold shoulder when i ask them to hang out smh.

[Opinion Owner]

Unfortunately dating someone you have mutuals with was a risk from the start. I would know, I dated a guy within my friend group for 6 months and when we broke up, it was like everyone else broke up with me too. I don't know what your situation is, but in mine, I was the newer friend compared to him who’d been around more years than me. So their bond was deeper and when he made it some awkward thing to have me around, they definitely accommodated him more. It’s incredibly sucky but the only alternative would be trying to make it work with her mainly to maintain your friendships, and that’s not an option either.

In any case, this is a positive learning experience no matter what. For one, you’re ridding yourself of a person who’s emotionally immature and indecisive, choosing not to play into her games is always right. Second, you’re about to find out who your real friends are very quickly. Let’s be generous and give this woman benefit of the doubt, say she’s not in their ears and you’re wrong about their coldness. But if she IS doing that shady shit, then your real friends would come and directly ask for your side. They wouldn’t pick a side in general actually and tell her to either be an adult and suck it up if you’re there or don’t come at all because it’s not their problem and they’re still your friend too. That’s how it should go with real friends. Fake ones siding with her are disingenuous losers that you don’t need.

[Anonymous]

She's with another guy but trying to hang on to you.

[MadinaHasABensheer]

It’s not you honey, she’s seeing someone else.

[SotiCoto]

I reckon she was just being a flake.