Why is it with dating and relationships the focus is on rules, boundaries and red flags rather than just having fun and enjoying the moments?

[Anonymous]

It’s like he’s people have bad intentions and you may get hurt but going on trying to instantly protect yourself from being hurt and trying to control the outcome takes away from the experience of getting to know someone and connecting and having fun.

[Chelsdope0]

I set boundaries and still ended up getting hurt. I think what you’re saying is true… be in the moment but don’t get your feelings involved until you know for sure that it’s real.

I don’t think there's anything wrong with setting boundaries. paying attention to red flags the first time is actually very important.

Nobody wants to get hurt… that’s why we try to protect ourselves.. but we shouldn’t focus so much on setting rules that we forget to enjoy the process/progress of dating.

I think it really comes down to practicing detachment and knowing your worth. Enjoy the now with them but if they disrespect you or show you who they really are… leave. I think that’s where a lot of us get stuck and end up hurt.

[Asker]

Exactly or we get so stuck on past bad experiences we don’t live in our current reality because it takes your body as a whole time to catch up to the present when you’re still stuck on what’s really behind you.

[Chelsdope0]

True, I admit that I didn’t work on myself enough.. and it caused men to run away and call me angry. Pain truly does change people… some people aren’t ready to date.

[IslaTheWitch]

unfortunately, being together makes both partners show their vulnerabilities... if you end up with the wrong person... it could be painful...

I prefer to get to know people before allowing myself to feel anything...

[Asker]

Well you know that tactic could help you as much as it can do nothing good for you. By that I mean, if you wait until a person shows you who they are 100% to feel anything when you’re experiencing them as a person you’ll loose out on so much time and possible great moments because as humans it’s so much to us. It’s so many different parts to us that we ourselves don’t even know about. So much so that even people who have been married or just together for years are still figuring out/learning new things about their partner. Don’t allow anyone to run over you and hurt you but I say give people a chance.

[IslaTheWitch]

it takes me a few months to be able to say if I see myself with this man... can't see any reason to do it faster... I care for my well-being but also want him to be sure that he wants to be with an autistic person... so I'm not in a hurry :D

[jahaims]

Because a healthy relationship has all of those things. You can't just be in the moment and have fun your whole life. Real life isn't a disney movie.

[Asker]

Real life also isn’t just some rated R, drama filled soap opera either. I’m not saying ONLY have fun, I’m saying create a balance.

[Asker]

We focus so much on what could go wrong we look past at how much is really going right right in front of us. That’s why I say enjoy the moment, keep your eyes open, don’t be a fool but still, enjoy the moment (s).

[Asker]

We all know life is not exactly a Disney movie. Life is not “exactly” any one particular thing. You don’t know what it’s gonna throw at you but when we’re talking about enjoyment and happiness, Disney movies are not that far off from reality because they portray that well and from what I know and based off of experience, those two things exist in real life.

[boggboss]

Because the baises of a relationship is to build somthing if fun is your main focus then u would just casually date

[Asker]

You missed my point. I never said fun should be your main focus but I’m saying it should be a balance. A relationship built on your boundaries and rules more than it is on just enjoying that person, that soul, that experience, I see a relationship that will eventually fall due to disconnect mentally and emotionally, cheating, lies, lack of comparability and more. I’m saying have rules, set boundaries, pay attention to people, their words and actions but never allow that to outweigh the experience.

[boggboss]

Oh fair enough I haven't personally seen somthing like that is why I responded like I did but yeah I would totally agree with that didny know people do it