Is it a red flag if my girlfriend texts another guy a lot, laughs at everything he says, and talks about music with him on a daily basis?

[Anonymous]

[DishLady]

It depends.


For example, my BFF is a guy way younger who I’ve txted and joked around with since we were kids… he’s like my kid brother. He asks for advice with girls and we’ve been through every sort of family challenge together, but romantically there’s never been anything there. It’s only reasonable to allow for friendships like that to remain intact regardless of whatever romantic situation you happen to be in (whether you’re a guy or a girl).


It shouldn’t be some random person, though. It’s specific to someone who genuinely has a mutually platonic relationship with you/your SO.

[Asker]

Yeah no this guy has worked with her for a year, is the same age, and she definitely does not treat him like a little brother. Which is odd because she treats a lot of her other guy friends like her little brother but she clearly has a level of respect for this guy. She can be kinda bitchy with some guys yet she wouldn't dare act like this with him

[CieloAzul]

If they are friends, what is the problem. If it is more than joking and music, there is a problem.

[Asker]

Tbh I think it's weird that they text constantly, I find it very disrespectful. I don't text other girls every single day like she does with him. It starts with joking and music, they seem to vibe together very well

[CieloAzul]

Is he an old friend of hers or a new one?

[Asker]

New-ish, they met about a year ago at work. I have been with her for a year and a half, officially dating for 7 months

[CieloAzul]

Ok, is what happens right now between them a new thing, or they have been like this for a while?

[CieloAzul]

Is happening*

[Asker]

I’d say it’s been going on for a good 8 months. I do know that she got drunk at a bar last September and asked him to pick her up and take her to get food and he refused. So I feel it’s possible he just never made a move on her

[CieloAzul]

I think you are feeling jealous ( don’t be offended) and i can’t blame you. You need to talk to her so you can have a peace of mind, but if I were you, I won’t be that concerned.

[Asker]

Well I didn’t have enough space to mention this but they once sat and talked in the parking lot after work for 2 hours, talking about who knows what but according to our manager, they have gotten into arguments about her trying to get him to bring her food and drunk texting him all the time with him saying it’s “hoe shit” and that it’s really inappropriate because she has a boyfriend

[Tannhauser]

Depends, is he the "gay best friend" kind of guy?

If yes then you got nothing to worry about, if not then you're better off looking elsewhere.

[Asker]

No, he's definitely not gay

[Tannhauser]

Not a good look

I would suggest having a conversation with her about it in a way that doesn't come of as accusatory, aggressive, or forceful. Just figure out what kind of relationship she has with this guy, and explain to her how it makes you feel seeing her text this guy all the time, and see how she reacts and responds.

[worldscolide]

Definitely a red flag. Especially if she's hiding it from you.

[Asker]

She doesn't text him while I am around but she openly talks about music with him and jokes around even when I'm there

[worldscolide]

Have you seen the texts?

[Asker]

Nope

[worldscolide]

Ask to see the text messages. If she says no, your relationship is over.

Dude I've been married for 12 years. I hide nothing from my wife, and my wife hides nothing from me. If she refuses it means what she talks to him about are things she doesn't want you seeing, which means she's doing things that are a threat to your relationship. Which means the relationship is essentially done.

[Asker]

Well it’s on Snapchat where they talk and the messages delete after 24 hours so unless anything was explicitly saved, there wouldn’t be anything incriminating. I know Snapchat gets a bad rep from older members here but it’s very common for people in their early 20s like we all are

[worldscolide]

More and more red flags.

[worldscolide]

She may, at the very least, be emotionally cheating on you.

[SweetBlossom]

its a red forest