Is he settling or is it just me?

[Anonymous]

Short summary of the story, I had a co worker talk about his relationship to me and he told me “I kinda do but I don’t.” When referring to a girlfriend. I was confused, so I asked him what he meant and told him to explain.

He added, “she makes things hard sometimes. relationships can be hard. I enjoy my space and my time alone and sometimes I wanna be single and do my own things and be on my own and it isn’t that she doesn’t makes me happy, she keeps me out of trouble because being single makes me wanna do bad things.” Also adding he told me he never wants to move in with his girlfriends because he likes his space and having to spend every single day with someone can be basically exhausting in his eyes.

Updates

1 y

Update: He also told me that he wishes he could have his cake and eat it too in a sense while being in a “relationship” or whatever he calls his. Does that mean she doesn’t please him sexually and emotionally?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's definitely a strange way for him to talk about his girlfriend. A few things stand out to me:

- Saying he "kinda" likes her and relationships are "hard" is a red flag. He should really care about her if they're together.

- Not wanting to fully commit by living together shows he's keeping her at arm's length. Not a good sign if he's always putting himself first.

- Admitting he wants to "do bad things" when single pretty much means he doesn't respect her or the relationship.

- Wanting to "have his cake and eat it too" is just immature and selfish. A real commitment means sacrificing other options.

To me it sounds like this guy isn't really that into his girlfriend on an emotional level. Maybe he settled because being with her is convenient in some ways, like keeping him out of trouble as he said. But it doesn't seem like he's truly satisfied or invested long-term.

I'd feel bad for his girlfriend honestly. She deserves someone who's all in and excited to be with her. This just seems like a lukewarm situationship that won't last. Not sure she pleases him fully either from what you said. Overall doesn't sound like the healthiest relationship dynamics.

[mattla]

He keeps her around because it’s the safe option for him. He ain't settling. And the phrase “I do but i dont” is the most clichéd red flag and you should stay away from such people

[Asker]

Safe option? Can you explain?

[mattla]

As in she’s gonna be there no matter what. He likes that safety and it seems like he doesn’t know how to swim without that “life raft”

[Asker]

Updated the question!

[kylee2437]

I hope his girlfriend knows this information because it sounds like to me he’s info dumping , so he doesn’t need to come clean to his girlfriend that he doesn’t see much of a future with her.

[Asker]

Info dumping?

[kylee2437]

Dumping info onto other people because he’s sick of holding in info.

[Asker]

Updated the question!

[kylee2437]

Answer to updated question: it means that he wishes he could go above whatever rules she has in place of their relationship (doesn’t necessarily mean sexually, although could mean so). It could simply mean she doesn’t let him play a lot of video games, and he wishes she could back off a little to have that time

[Asker]

When I made the comment on “So you wanna fuck other girls?” he was kinda hesitant on it but he was saying exactly that in the same he reacted to when I questioned him on it.

[DishLady]

WHY tf are you "confused"? If a guy can't be straight with you and say YES/NO about whether he has a girl RUN TF AWAY. You're really in your late 20s? Like VOTING age? 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️