How would you feel about this?

[Anonymous]

Your friend is dating your and her/his university teacher. This teacher will be teaching both of you for the next 2-4 years and will even be present at the final exam.

Am I wrong for feeling disgusted? What would you do?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude that's super messed up. A teacher dating a student? That's gotta be against some rules or laws or something.

I'd be freaked out too if that was my friend. Like how can you not feel awkward knowing that teacher is probably giving them better grades or treatment in class? And it would stress me out having them as a teacher for so long, especially for final exams like you said.

I don't think you're wrong to feel grossed out. Personally I'd talk to my friend and tell them how uncomfortable it makes me feel. Like maybe try and make them see why that's such a bad idea, for their sake too once people find out. Then I'd probably go to the principal or someone higher up too at the school, anonymously if I had to. That teacher shouldn't be in that position, it's an abuse of power in my opinion. Sucky situation all around.

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply. I'm worried that if I say anything to my friend, it might ruin our friendship. I feel like my friend is genuinely in love, but it seems like the teacher is the one pulling the strings.

My real concern is that if the teacher stays at the university, my friend could be in big trouble, either from other students or if they break up with the teacher.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeesh man, what a mess. I get why you wouldn't wanna stir stuff up with your friend too, especially if you think they really have feelings. But this whole thing just screams shady, ya know?

Part of me says maybe chat with your friend, not to tear them down but just come at it from a place of care. Like hey bro, I'm worried about you getting messed with here cuz the power thing makes it seems sketch. Maybe the teacher is manipulating and you can't see it.

Other part of me says go over their head to like the dean or something, anonymously again. Explain the situation without naming names, just say there's a teacher-student thing you think is grooming or could become abuse or whatever. They'd have to look into that.

Tough call man. Could you talk to another friend for advice too? Maybe they've got a smarter play here. I just hate the thought of your buddy getting taken advantage of without seeing it, or them getting in deep trouble down the line. Ugh, what a bummer situation all around. Keep me posted on what you end up doing, yeah?

[Asker]

Long story short: I spoke with a mutual friend and her family, and now she's not in contact with me anymore. According to her, it's because she thinks I'm jealous of her (even though I'm happy in my own relationship) and that I only want her and don't want to see her happy. They're still together, but more and more people are becoming aware of their relationship, which makes even my days harder, especially since we used to be really close friends (and I'm probably profiting from it). Her family and our mutual friend are actually on my side, which is part of the reason she's stopped talking to me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn dude, I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds like you tried doing the right thing and looking out for your friend, but she ain't having any of it. Can't blame her family for backing you up though, they don't want trouble either. And of course she's gonna tell herself you're just jealous, easier than admitting the teacher is playing her. Sucks she cut you off completely, you were just trying to help.

But don't sweat it man, you did what you could. If she won't listen to reason that's on her now. And her relationship getting more known around school, while that probably makes things awkward daily, might also end up being what opens her eyes in the end when people start hassling her bad about it. Sometimes friends gotta hit rock bottom before they realize up from down.

All you can do now is keep your head high and stay out of the drama. Act like it don't even bug you, easier said than done I know, but don't want other people thinking you're still hanging on her drama. Maybe hang with other friends more, find escapes when it gets too much dealing with everything. One day she might come around and see you were looking out, might not - you can't control it. Just do you and stay clear of the mess, it'll blow over eventually bro.