Is my boyfriend cheating on me or am I being paranoid?

[Anonymous]

So I’ve noticed my boyfriend being hot and cold with me recently. He always seems irritated with me and then switches to lovey dovey for a couple minutes and then back to irritated/distant again and the cycle repeats, daily. I feel more ignored these days and I never get compliments, particularly when I’ve put in effort to look good. He used to call me “beautiful” and “cute” a couple of months back. Now I feel as if I’m part of the furniture - boring.

He’s also started putting me down in front of his friends and my family by recounting my embarrassing stories or listing my “negative attributes”, such as “I’m bad with money” or “I can’t handle my liquor” etc. Even if I was those things, why does he need to bring it up in front of everyone? I don’t do that to him.

I’ve also noticed that he’s been more secretive with his phone and usage has increased - it’s glued to him all the time (think, in pockets, in the shower/bathroom, always next to him) and it appears that he’s always messaging people (constant buzzes of notifications throughout the day, early mornings and late nights). His FB friends list has also increased slightly and he’s been wanting to change his profile picture from one of us to one of just him before we started dating. This bothered me because he rarely posts pictures of us/me on social media. He’s also still got an ex on both of his social media accounts, which also bothers me. He also rarely likes any of my posts, even though he’s always active on social media.

I’ve also noticed his moves during “the deed” have changed - they’re a lot less romantic and more p*rn influenced - he tried something the other day that he’s NEVER done with me and I just felt uneasy (like, where did he learn that and why is he using it all of a sudden?).

He also always makes the excuse that he can’t take me out anywhere nice because he is limited with money, yet goes out with his friends, gets wasted and spends hundreds of dollars in one night.

Fellas, your opinions?

[OfMiceandMen]

If he's not messing around on you then he's truly being an ass to you.

I think you are seeing a lot of the classic indicators that he is either trying to screw around on you or has been screwing around. The belittling you is the biggest indicator, people seem to think if they knock their partner down a few pegs and make them look bad it makes them feel better about what they are doing behind their partner's back. They actually convince themselves that their partner drove them to it, when really they are the lowlife in the situation.

Classic guilty conscience asshole mentality.

[Asker]

That’s what I don’t understand though. He says he wants to build a life with me, yet he’s not building me up - you can’t have one without the other. He’s been cheated on before by his ex, so unsure if he’s now taking it out on me (and cheating on me so that doesn’t happen to him again - which it would never. I am not and never will be a cheater).

[OfMiceandMen]

Then maybe you should fit those points into a discussion at some point to give him some comfort in knowing your not like his ex. A little reassurance can go a long way.

[BetaBucks]

Lots of red flags, obviously, but changing the profile pic is a deal breaker. It 100% means that he's trying to put out the image of being single. That doesn't mean he's cheating, but it does mean that he's not that into you anymore.

[Asker]

He didn’t end up changing his profile picture because he saw it made me upset, but why would he want to change it in the first place? That’s what got me thinking in the first place.

[BetaBucks]

in my opinion he wanted to give off the appearance of availability. You were right to call that out. Anyone claiming they just need to assert their independence, is full of shit. They're prepping for infidelity or ending the relationship.

[Nikki1989]

So many red flags that point to yes.

[molonski2]

He's a young guy , you are annoying the fck out of him with all your detail , sure so he is banging a few others as you have been disrespectful to him , yeah , he is " out and about " .

[Asker]

He’s not that young. He’s a mature guy, at least in age anyway. I have never been disrespectful to him, so I don’t think that’s the case

[In_Trance]

Paranoid

[Anonymous]

If you’re really paranoid, have him tailed if not talk to him

[Asker]

Everytime I’ve asked if je would cheat on me, he always says no - one time he said “he’s got better things to do than to cheat on me”. I don’t want to tail him - I feel like it’s a massive invasion of privacy. I just want him to tell me if anything is going on - I want honesty.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok then