How can you differentiate between installing dating apps to find a relationship vs looking for validation?

[Anonymous]

29F, I’ve been on and off the dating apps for years. I’m under the impression that I want a relationship as I install apps on and off. I’m at the point where I get drained when they’re installed & when I’m not in the mood to reply to messages or swipe on profiles, I end up actually using it every other day or every couple of days. When I’m at the point where I notice I’m not getting as many matches or likes after a couple of months, that’s when I delete & likely going on hiatus. I think deep down I must want something other than validation right? I like men but I haven’t been in a ltr yet, I saw someone for a few months in my early twenties & haven’t seen someone since bc I refuse to settle. I get interest from guys id consider dating but it only seems to be on dating apps which I take with a grain of salt, I’m told I’m cute/attractive but never get noticed by guys I like in person (as in actually cold approached). I’m always told I haven’t found the right person & this may hold truth, I’m reserved & not affectionate/don’t have a sex drive really but feel like that could possibly change if I meet someone. I just worry I’ll feel regret as I’m getting old & still haven’t been in a ltr, I don’t want kids but open to marriage. I’m currently fighting between anxiety and apathy when it comes to OLD or dating in general

[DishLady]

So you think someone would go to the trouble of opening all those apps just to fish for compliments... to validate themselves? Weird. If a person can't get a genuine compliment from folks who know them, why would the person think that a pile of strangers (mostly looking for cheap hookups) would help validate them? Grow a spine and believe in yourself... period.

If the person is there with genuine intentions, then best to limit the number of apps to those with better success rates for relationships. If you personally know folks who have had success in matching with a compatible partner, ask that individual to help you create your profile and review the first few candidates till you feel comfortable.

Word of wisdom from something I heard a close relative tell me: Some guys are on there and married... looking for hookups. (I presume there are some women doing the same, I don't know because I don't use the apps.) Proceed with caution.

[genericname85]

well logically at some point you'll have swiped through litterally all the guys in your area. there's not an infinite supply. are you at least meeting up with people from there? or just swiping, not interacting?

[BarryLiverstone]

in my opinion just ditch all the dating apps. As you mentioned too many people on the apps are not actually willing to go on a date. Instead live in the wild (aka the real world) and make new connections.