If you date someone with trauma what is the likelihood of becoming a scapegoat?

[Anonymous]

Like if the girl comes into the relationship with all these issues that were never addressed and somehow they become your fault or you trigger them

[DishLady]

I'm so tired of folks treating trauma like an infallible excuse to treat others poorly. MOST PEOPLE TODAY have survived some sort of trauma. We don't ALL strut around playing the victim or claiming that we're this way or that way (abusive, toxic, blah blah) because of trauma. We do the therapeutic legwork to heal and move tf on to live productive, peaceful lives.

If you've had deep trauma in your life, STOP... THINK... DO THE THERAPY... and THEN come rejoin society again. Don't just stomp around torturing everyone.

[NoneOfYourBusiness96]

There's shitty people who have always had a shitty personality and treat the people that love and respect them horribly. There is also people who have been genuinely hurt and wronged when they were doing their best. If the person is decent despite their past baggage they will treat you with respect and love, especially if you are nothing like the people who hurt them.

[Asker]

Yeah she would say you make me feel so loved and then that’s when the abuse poured in. She hit me two weeks into the relationship and I was ready to walk away then but she broke down crying saying she doesn’t know what came over her. We was playing nba 2k and she was losing and that’s when she hauled off and hit me.

[NoneOfYourBusiness96]

Just leave her. Let your absence be her punishment. Good relations are hard to get anyways these days. To punish a good person is stupid.

[ShadesVow]

100% especially if it is a woman with trauma 100% of the time she will shove her past bullshit on you.

[Asker]

Like that’s why I’m so angry about relationship I’m not at all upset about the end but about the narrative painted I was verbally abused and physically abused non stop and I was the person blamed and people saying I caused it

[Asker]

But if In any of these situations I would have defended myself I would have been in jail

[Anonymous]

You are really clutching at straws here.

[Asker]

How so she was almost immediately in the relationship I forgave her thinking it was a honest mistake then it continued and she said I triggered or I was causing her to do the stuff she was doing

[Vegasrunner]

Probably close to 100%

[Asker]

Yeah she was beating on me calling me all sorts of horrible names and I repeatedly gave chance after chance from a place of understanding because i understood what she had went through but then it shifted to being my fault

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker That's cool, but you're going to run the risk of facing legal trouble or even ruining your future. Lot of guts behind bars because they took on a woman's trauma

[Asker]

Well I’ll be honest I don’t know if I can date again I had fully invested my heart into this relationship because I had never dated before I also never really had friends I’m on the autism spectrum so I truly cherished this relationship and to be beat on, verbally abused, then ultimately discarded when she suddenly broke up with me and turned everyone against me it has me thinking I don’t know if I can do that again

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker That sucks but unfortunately no one cares. You're a man and it's a cruel world filled w/ winners and losers, and you've got a bunch of obstacles. Maybe dating isn't for you as you can expect these type of things to happen frequently.

[Asker]

So women frequently beat on men and turn everyone against them

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker No they frequently beat on men like you. Studies show woman are exponentially more violent towards the elderly and young people, ie they take advantage of who they can. Because you lack options you're more likely to attract these type of women, I would advise that you refrain from dating at leat until you better understand your options.

[Asker]

So if your a good person what are your options

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker being "A good person" has nothing to do w/ a man's sexual options.

[Asker]

What do you mean

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker why do you believe a "good person" has options?

[Asker]

The reason I was interested in dating this girl is because her values were similar to mine she was more introverted, she didn’t party, she didn’t do hookups and was only interested in dating that led to marriage

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker and she ended up physically assaulting you. Have you considered the fact that you're views may be misguided?

[Asker]

What do you mean misguided