Why do many people marry the opposite of who they dated in the past?

[Anonymous]

Like if a dudes running around with chicks who are partying, sleeping around, getting blackout drunk, and the list goes on. To later marry a very sweet loving woman.

A woman may be running around dating bad boys, players, and the list goes on. But she settled down with a gentleman.

The marriages hardly ever last though. Many times they pick someone who doesn’t know their past dating history.

[BadApple69]

It’s simple…. Girls want the bad boy but they need the security of a good boy.
And you are right… often the girl will run across a bad boy after married (because that’s her real desire) and it’ll cause a breakup.


It’s the same for guys… we want to run around with the party girls, get laid on the first date, have sex in public and other wild things…. But that’s not the girl we want to marry.

[molonski2]

I remember back in our group we had one chick who was a absolute SLUT , serious SLUT , she had so many guys fck her , and used to say it was part of her " freedom " and all such other bullshit , guess what she really wanted? Which I never knew , she just wanted to get married , she married the opposite a nice dude , and they had 4 kids.. complete and utter opposite.

[Asker]

I feel bad for him. Because she probably was stinging him along. She’s probably cheating on him.

[Asker]

Just believe me dude. If she genuinely had a come to Jesus moment that’s not my place to judge maybe she’s different.

But there is SO many who pretend to be someone they’re not. Because they want to get married. Have kids. Marry for financial reasons. Want a man whose protective to feel safe. To look good to everyone.

But these women notoriously cheat. You should feel so sorry for the man she married. Especially if he is someone who has no idea about her past.

[molonski2]

No , utterly completely faithful since marriage over MANY years , old woman now , just complete opposite.

[Asker]

Maybe she is…. But I’ve seen this happen where the woman just pretends to be someone she’s not

[Asker]

Or the man

[DishLady]

Bc you dated folks that may have been "your type" but they didn't work out, right? So you pick someone very different to marry. Sometimes it works and sometimes it fails miserably.

[Asker]

I think what happens is a lot of people string someone along and pretend to be someone they’re not. To use them.

Yeah some people find Jesus and genuinely repent. A lot of people just fake it

[DishLady]

Hmm... Not necessarily "stringing along" -- or at least that wasn't the direction I was going with it. But for example, I was attracted to guys who are LIKE ME (great at writing, tutoring, working with their hands, blah blah blah). But then dating them was impossible because they weren't interested in marriage, though they respected that I wouldn't get physical with them without marriage. But then I started getting into sports and met a few guys who were also into sports and married a guy who was more into athletics than intellectual stuff. (But he pretended to be more intellectual, which was where our little problems started... I was too young to detect that at the time... We married, things didn't work out, blah blah blah.)

I wasn't talking about mentally troubled folks or about folks who string others along till they find the person they want. I've never done that because I consider that dishonest.

[Asker]

Yeah absolutely it’s good to find someone you’re genuinely happy wijt

[Asker]

But with someone who has a questionable past all the sudden is settling down with the complete opposite of who they were running around with. I feel sorry for the men and women they’re with.

A lot of times they’re people who see they’re getting too old for that shit. They want to get married. Have a family. Be financially stable. The list goes on so they marry even if they aren’t in love. Many of them still cheat because they have such little self control.

[Asker]

There are those that go to Jesus and repent. But there are also those who just fake it.

[DishLady]

Oooh, I see what you mean. Ok, that I wouldn't really know about. I had a "type" I liked to date and then figured "Hey this needs to change" and so the person I married was way different. But I'm not one to just hop from guy to guy. I'm sitting pretty on a very low "body count" as they say nowadays.

[Asker]

Yeah some people aren’t bad at all. They just aren’t who you’re looking for. Never try to change someone not only will it not work you can really hurt them. Instead of both of you finding someone whose the right fit

[ProbablyClueless]

Because they've learned their lessons. If I've only ever dated one type of person and all of those relationships turned into dumpster fires, why would I want to purse another dumpster fire?