Should guys always be expected to chase/pursue a woman they are interested in?

Question

If guys don’t learn the hard way before they’re 30, by then they’re set in their foolish ways. Love/hate tango between predatory woman + simping old man. These guys are angry for some of the same reasons I am, but I’ve learned that my arrogant butt should’ve done the chasing. Its arrogant for men to think they’re the 7 foot tall celebrity yacht owner that all women fawn over and they’ll have some cheesy hallmark channel love story-if its meant to be. Its feminine thinking or completely bitter and narcissistic for men to think this way. I believe its natural for women to want to be pursued and predatory and unnatural for them to pursue. Though I’m not bad looking I’m certainly not as rich and famous or a Chris Hemsworth and most guys aren’t going to have the entire checklist like that so its completely ridiculous for them to sit in isolation and wait for a beautiful loyal trad-wife to fall through the ceiling or out of the clouds into the tractor cab. I was chased when I was twenty, I had the physical checklist marked up, and I got with a woman I sort of already knew after she started texting me, I was depressed and recovering from an injury in Iraq and didn’t want to go through the trouble of meeting a woman, lazy. Simply new to the world, basically, and lazy. Obviously she hit me with the divorce and family court smoke bomb. Early twenties, just out of Iraq with shrapnel in a hospital bed surrounded by amputees when she started texting me.

Altheavas · Accepted Answer

Chasing is relative; chasing can be childish. But what if a man is not straightforward enough and a woman is expected to catch up? Do you call that chasing, or is it his lack of chivalry?

What if they are not of the same standards, or their values and qualities in partners are not a match?

I really don’t mind courting a man. If I were to court a man, getting a man to go out with me or date me, how would he perceive me? Would he values me, as smart, daring, or unconventional, or would he categorize me as hopeless, easy, or a slut?

I would be mindful of the emotional intelligence of the person I want to pursue. What are the underlying factors implicated in that with the pursuer/pursuant? Is there even mutual attraction? Are they aligned with my ideal partner, mindset, intelligence, physical appearance, etc?

SugarSugarplum · Accepted Answer

There's no such thing as "always" in these situations. If I want a certain guy to pursue me, I subtly let him know I'm open to the idea. Then, if he pursues, he pursues. Otherwise I move along.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Accepted Answer

You are interested in maths? Do maths, go to maths.  Exaggerating here. Culture is at play, in many places, the unwritten rules we all know imply that, most of the time, when you are a man, then  you have to  go towards a woman. People you describe in your speech are indeed unwilling, wanting to refuse these rules. I believe they feature the narcissistic flaws you began to describe. But that's out of scope. So,  you are socially expected to pursue , but here's a thing,  why is it a burden to you?  If you are interested in, why would it be a burden to pursue your interest?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think it's fine if women EXPECT to be chased but then women have to ACCEPT that men control the tempo and can drop them flat at any moment for any reason. Something they are unwilling to accept. As you said life isn't a hallmark movie. Men are human and so are women.

Personally I think the woman should do what she likes. If she wants to approach a guy, good on her. But if she refuses to approach guys then that's on her what does and doesn't approach her. I think a lot of women today would like say in this which is why a lot of women approach men today.

Summeroflove · Answer

Never pursue someone whose not showing interest in you or making you do all the work. If someone’s genuinely interested they will put equal effort in regardless of who initiated. Even if both people want something more traditional there will still be effort in both roles.

If it starts out one sided it will end that way too…. Don’t become miserable you deserve better. Find someone who has something to offer.

the29thhuman · Answer

Only if he has something beneficial.  A house with a yard, good earnings, healthy coping skills.  That’s why guys used to pursue women but men have not had proper father symbols for a very long time, so they aren’t becoming strong men anymore.  Thus, females are taking on men’s roles while raising kids. The foundation of a home is taken care of at this point and the modern male has no more overall purpose in a household unless it’s with his drinking buddies bantering that women aren’t submissive. It’s up to the male population to choose which way they want to steer their evolution and decide if they want to remain to blame women or to join us and help the future generations. We don’t care what you bring to the table, we aren’t like you but we do have a seat for you at the table when you’re ready.

faith_it · Answer

I find it strange super strange when a woman would chase. Women just wait in my country. If you chase you are even seen by men as cheap or a flirt.

What women can do is just be friends. Leave the chasing to the men.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Show interest and try to talk to her, if she doesn't match your level of interest and energy then leave her alone.

msc545 · Answer

It does not matter if they should be or not; they almost always are expected to do these things with rare exceptions. It is MOST unfair.

ManInChains · Answer

Not unless he wants to be dissapointed every single time and risk ending up in a jail cell

Anonymous · Answer

No guys need to be hot on also! Sounds you your attention food for her! 😄 Good luck

LiamJHayden · Answer

Not sure about chase or pursue except insofar as I will approach and engage if I am single and she seems to be.

Anonymous · Answer

No, I think girls should take more initiative.

Anonymous · Answer

No, it's illegal since the MeToo statutes passed

Anonymous · Answer

No, some guys prefer when a girl is pursuing them.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Often, yes.

Should guys always be expected to chase/pursue a woman they are interested in?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Should guys always be expected to chase/pursue a woman they are interested in?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.