Why do women want to text forever only to ghost?

[disappoint3d]

Let me preface by saying I'm sure guys do this too.
TLDR; please help me, because Im a single dad, I'm fresh out of a 7 year relationship, and I've been ghosted by 4 women in a month already, all seemingly because of bad texting, and it's very upsetting.

These are women from both online dating apps, and that I met in person. The first I met in person, and after texting for weeks, she finally agreed to hang out on a weekend, just to say nothing the day of. The next I met online and got all the way up to the point that she texted "hey just getting ready then heading out" to meet me, only for me to never hear from her again after that message. The third is so bizarre I'm not even going to ask for an explanation.

But the fourth is probably the most upsetting. Long story short, I met a girl on bumble, I planned a fantastic date at a drive in theater a week in advance, and she told me almost everyday before hand how excited she was to meet me. We traded numbers, just for her to cancel at the last possible minute saying she was in the hospital for congenital heart problems.

I then assured her to not feel bad, and asked what she had, only to find out it's something I also suffer from. I related to her over it, and said I still want to meet, even if it's just watching a movie at home, as she is sick often apparently. Got no reply, but then woke up the next morning to a text that it "made her uncomfortable that I wanted to come over and we should stop talking."

I never tried to be the "Netflix and chill guy". Our entire interaction was artificial, then she just threw me in the trash. Id never do that to anyone. Guys, we can play it cool all we want but this entire thing makes me want to cry.

I deleted my online dating profiles, but I included my main picture used. I'm not going to judge my own looks. I got plenty of matches (only because I fit the 6-6-6 criteria that a lot of women sadly judge us by).

Girls, please help.

[V_Injector]

I'm gonna be real... only read the question and didn't read the wall of text.

It's the attention and sex differences between our genders.

We dudes are primarily driven by sex.

Chicks are primarily driven by attention.

Once you view a lot of the shit men and women do through that lens... all of it starts to make sense.

A classic example I see a lot is the beta orbiter simp that orbits around a woman in hopes of getting to fuck one day, and then the chick basically knows this, but calls him 'just a friend,' so that she can use him as an emotional tampon and as someone that will listen to all her stupid motherfuckin problems for the attention. She has no intentions of letting her panties drop for him unless things get really bad for her, which is good for that guy, I guess...

That brings me to your question... I believe these women are simply trying to suck you into the endless toilet bowl circle of giving her attention, AND/OR, they get their fill of your attention and then move on. I mean a large chunk of women on dating apps are not even looking... they just like the attention.

I suggest you go passport bro, so you don't end up hating women in general (like I do)... because it sounds like you're in a Western country dealing with the same shit I deal with.

There is only one way to defeat evil... become more evil than the evils you're dealing with... or... don't deal with them. It's okay to find better women.

[disappoint3d]

You're right honestly. You didn't really need to read the text wall, because you know exactly what I'm talking about it sounds like. The pic you included basically fits the description of the woman I was talking about to a T.

[D_Bone_Steak]

The online dating scene is a shit show disappoit3d. Think about all the different types of women that have fucked everything up that comes so easily for a woman and she finally resorts to it, as well as the ones just doing it for attention. Only a very small fractional amount of them are going to be worthwhile for anything beyond what V_Injector has in mind for women (which is fucking them, murdering them, then having sex with their dead bodies, until it start to stink and then he buries them in a shallow grave out in the desert).

I suggest you find women is some organic function or way. Organized "meetings" tend to bring the worst stock that woman-kind has to offer. For me, hook-ups through female friends have worked a lot. Even the ones that turn out to just be sex, she will hook me up with a new woman. You could basically say I just made a new female friend, even though I had sex with her.

Bottom line, pretty much EVERY WOMAN I have met online has a damn agenda before I even come into her field of view. They will drop you for the slightest mistake or not ticking one of their unrealistically long list of checkboxes. They have agendas which is why they're there and it's usually just to use you for something. Not only that, you will have to be the mind reader guessing man and try to satisfy all that shit when she has 100's of other guys in her inbox to go through. The supply vs. demand for them is obnoxiously far different than what it is even for a Chad that has the 6-6-6 off the charts with the 8+ of dick. Just saying.

[disappoint3d]

@D_Bone_Steak I met a lot of girls back in college both IRL and online, and it wasn't all that different either way back in 2016. I guess you either die a Chad, or live long enough to see yourself become a beta orbiter.

[V_Injector]

Oof...2016. I call it the beginning of the Trump phase and not for political reasons as the root cause. It was when the "skeptics"... people that basically all shit on religion shifted into pro-extreme feminism (Kill all men) or against it and then that shifted into the political realm right after Trump actually got elected. We've been having a culture war ever since then.

I only mention that because that was the point where things really got bad in the dating market. Both sides kept taking swipes at destroying our ecosystem. The right for instance has wronged me by taking away my whores on backpage. com or on Craigslist personals and the left has wronged me for just being a straight male and taking me down step by step to prop women up. Before 2016... I'd say you could find love online... not now though. Not now though... it's a system specifically designed for women that will be selfish as fuck and your only way to fight it is to not participate.

[V_Injector]

Superb

[Finchie40]

Your best bet is to try to meet girls’ in public over the internet , internet dating is a waste of time in most cases , because most people
On the internet are liars or hiding something that they aren’t telling you , Most the girls’ I have met
Online lied about being married or lied about already having a boyfriend , so don’t rely on internet dating if you are looking for something more than just sex. Your chances of meeting someone better is meeting someone in public face to face , yes you might receive some rejections , but at least you have an answer, instead of being strung along by some random girl on the internet , Sadly dating isn’t the same these days , it’s more casual sex over anything else , so it’s always going to be a 50/50 chance when meeting someone new , at least in public you both are breaking the ice faster instead of being strung along by internet girls’ that really don’t know what they want. I meet girls’ at the grocery stores, gas stations , Target is a good place as well lol Bars , concerts , festivals , sporting events , so which ever you enjoy , just grow a pair of balls and introduce yourself to a beautiful girl that catches your eye , without coming off as creepy and desperate, and eventually you will meet one that wants to get to know you more as well. Just be polite and confident A lot of girls’ love that with a guy

[disappoint3d]

I appreciate the advice, but I don't really have an issue talking to women in public or I wouldn't have numbers in the first place. in context, it seems like women in my age range damn near exclusively communicate through text, and this is one of the reasons I left my daughters mom. She is 27, and lived with me for 6 years, but anytime I would try to talk to her about anything relatively serious, she would just freeze up and not say anything. Then, hours, or days later when I wasn't around she would start texting me about it instead and it was honestly incredibly obnoxious I think as others pointed out, its a massive generational issue, and It makes me want to leave the US honestly.

[Finchie40]

yes sadly technology is slowly destroying our civilization and how people interact with each other , if you think cell phones and internet are bad , wait until technology comes out with something worse that that. I’m sorry to hear your wife chose her phone over choosing you , that’s pretty much what happened to my ex wife when she got addicted to Facebook when that came out, I pretty much watched my marriage slowly crumble right before my eyes because she became more fascinated with what other people were doing over her own family. Thinking grass is greener on the other side , comparing our lives to others constantly, thinking that’s where she deserves to be , she became very selfish and started ignoring me and the kids , My wife and I were inseparable before she got addicted to social media , allowing it to control her brain pretty much. All of a sudden her friends became more of a priority then me and the kids and that’s when I knew something was off , to find out she was secretly flirting with other men and co workers behind my back. So I threw in the towel and separated from her. There was more to it than just that but I still blame social media for playing a part on ruining our marriage and ruining other peoples’ relationships as well. Sadly it’s just going to get worse over getting better , I feel bad for these Néw generations being born into this shit , Eventually relationships and marriages will probably be a thing of the past the rate things are going in this world today.

[disappoint3d]

Damn dude that is super depressing and I feel for you. Sometimes I hope the giant meteor will find earth sooner than later... If they don't shoot it out of the sky with a drone.

[PeachyPie93]

From the pic.. You look fairly attractive I would suggest a different top and show off your tattoos more, girls online will meet you if you look really hot. I also kind of think you would look better without a beard but I could be wrong lol.
From what I experienced from talking to people online and on dating apps. The apps are garbage, guys mainly just wanting to hook up and one guy even blocked me because I didn't reply back to him fast enough, after 1 day and he didn't even have a pic lol. Other guys online always want to flirt but never are looking for anything. Most people are just looking for validation and attention, even with guys. I suggest don't waste your time.

[disappoint3d]

Thank you. All the pictures i used were taken of me (no selfies) and I had one of me at a pool because I do look good with no shirt on, albeit on the thin side. You can't really tell from the pic in the OP but I kinda have a baby face with no beard.

I was really scrawny my entire life, couldnt help it really, but just in the last year I've gone from being 155 lbs to 185 of lean mass and grew a beard while I've been in my self improvement phase of being single and have gotten 100x more attention that I did in my 20's. Im still getting accustomed to women even giving me attention in the first place because my entire adult life thus far I had to always be the initiator and rely on my ability to talk in person.

[PeachyPie93]

Well it seems like things are coming easy to you now that you been improving yourself. You could keep trying in person but I would not do online stuff or texting in the first initial stages, keep it to actual calls and meetups.

[disappoint3d]

Well, I wouldn't say easily, because having kids is a whole new challenge. Its all mostly because I haven't dated anyone new since I was in college which was the better part of a decade ago and the dynamic is now completely different and I haven't adapted to it yet. But yeah, you are 100% right about texting beforehand.

[PeachyPie93]

Yeah it is hard out here once you were dating before and then come into this new scene and with kids. I gave up on it already, I rather be alone than deal with the idiots of today.

[disappoint3d]

I don't think you should give up. You're only 30. If everyone gives and assumes everyone else is an idiot but them then the human race would die out fairly quickly. It would be nice if more people understood that having a relationship is about compromises and that no one will ever be perfect, and be a little more forgiving to people who mean well but make little mistakes along the way.

[PeachyPie93]

I already gave up, but I wish you luck as you continue.

[Unap0logetic_]

It sounds like you’ve came across women who have been used and played the entire time. So, they’ve caught onto the little things that guys do, you appear to have triggered that response in them. (Not saying you’re doing anything on purpose. That’s their reaction to their last experiences)

[disappoint3d]

But It kills me that I'm getting written off over text. Nobody seems to have time to give anything a chance to happen organically in real life. There's no way to know someone just by texting.

[Unap0logetic_]

I agree with you 100%. I’ve experienced similar things as you. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this.. my inbox is open if you ever need to vent or have any questions.

[disappoint3d]

Thank you

[TsundereMatrix]

As someone who has been in this exact situation and even does this regularly… this is completely true. I hate that I do it but the fear still gets to me.

[disappoint3d]

@TsundereMatrix you mean being in my situation? Or you mean ghosting people over text because of past experiences?

[TsundereMatrix]

I’ve been in both situations but I know I’m bad for ghosting over text

[disappoint3d]

@TsundereMatrix if it's something that scares you that bad you honestly shouldn't be texting the guys in the first place. I'm not trying to be mean, and I would tell a guy to do the same thing, but even though the interaction is artificial, being blown off with no closure is very upsetting. Not all of us are "nice guys" that do a 180 and get furious when we don't get our way. The world would be a lot better if everyone would be a little more forgiving of each other for not being the "perfect" candidate for a relationship.

[TsundereMatrix]

Well when guys text me it’s usually a guy I’m not interested in but they are interested in me but I’m too nice of a person to say “go away. I don’t like you”. I had that happen and it doesn’t feel good but I guess that’s my problem

[blueonblack22]

I once heard some good advice that texting/phone calls is for making and setting dates only.

Anyway women (and some men) get an empty sugar high from virtual attention. But if they are truly interested in you they will help you and will be willing to meet up.

I would keep your responses short and friendly but never engage long text conversations prior to meeting a woman in person.

It’s a different story of you had gone a few dates. But many women are satisfied with quick fix for virtual attention. Don’t give in to that.

[disappoint3d]

The main girl I was talking about told me she thought I was ghosting because I went over a day without texting anything at one point, even though I was really just trying not to screw it up by saying too much since the date was 4 days away. Only to then ghost herself.

The whole experience was like trying to dismantle an atomic bomb. And I failed.

[razelove]

TLDR, they want attention, and you're giving it to them. Offer a concrete plan to meet within a day, if they reject it by day two, ignore their ass.

Show off your height, your six pack, and your willingness to walk away if they want to play games. Dating sites are not friendly, they are a blood sport.

[disappoint3d]

I mean you are right about all this, but I've basically been doing all this. I think another poster above had the real answer as in moving to a major city in another country eventually. Because I live in a rural area in America where the options are, limited, to put it nicely.

[razelove]

Well, how far is the drive to a college or major city from where you are?

When I was ramping up my casual and serious dating I drove 30 minutes to the city, and an hour to a college town on the weekends to game. Like leave after work, come back the next day, or two days later if I was lucky.

I found these ridiculously cheap efficiencies, and 40 dollar a night hotels if I felt close, or too drunk.

[razelove]

If you have looks when you get a girl, it's no problem going back to her place, so really the place you have there is for showering, changing clothes, strategizing, and reinforcing your fake identity. The hotel is for if she's so hot, but so crazy you don't want to even have that much exposure, which happens.

[disappoint3d]

Yeah, good point. It's not unreasonably far to the city, about 45 minutes, similar to you. The variable that really makes doing this difficult is having a child I'm responsible for. Were you doing this as a bachelor? Or a single dad?

[razelove]

Oof, bachelor, yeah, you can't abandon your kiddo, hmm, is mom in the picture to watch them sometimes? I would think that's a big deal to the women too. Lie to the ones you just want to sleep with, if you meet them in person, be honest and up front about those important details.

If not chase the mom for child support to at least pay for a sitter, or how the hell are you supposed to go out? Get your parents to watch your kid and have a curfew? Tell your date it's cool, they won't remember if you bend them over the couch at that age? Like there are no good solutions there if the mom can't watch them, or your parents on at least some weekends.

[razelove]

By in person I mean cold approaches offline, supermarket, church, art class, not meeting sluts on dating sites. It is imperative to cold approach women as it will build your confidence and give you women worth dating, online will get you sex, and be like guessing a number in roulette for getting a relationship.

[disappoint3d]

all that stuff is doable. I have no problem approaching in person, I'm well spoken and very fit, but the second part has a lot to do with the fact that I don't drink anymore, like at all. So if I were to go to the bars and such I'd have to have a game plan. there's very few bars like that in my area to get back into going to, so I'd have to be almost, I'd say tactical is the word? before going on night long escapades into the city.

[razelove]

You do have to be tactical, and not drinking is a huge asset. Drink orange juice all night. At first just set a goal of talking to x number of women. Let's say 25 per weekend, since Friday is variable on how much time you'll have, and Sunday is more community with running minor chores, church and what not.

You have to make a plan to reach that number on what places you'll be at what times to achieve it. Where are the women at 8:00-10:00? 10:00-12:00? 12:00-3:00AM 3:00AM figure you're done and dusted, if you don't have someone at your place, or their place at that point, call it, even at midnight if you're not developing something start wrapping it up unless you're into strippers, cops, nurses and what not.

But yeah, jump in dry first, carry a moleskin notepad, take notes of what you're doing right, what you're failing at, also what you want, and what you have. Pay attention to everything you, and the women are doing, the words don't matter, the actions do. Even down to tiny details.

[disappoint3d]

dang. makes me yearn for the days of college in the earlier 2000s again when all I had to do was walk outside my apartment.

[razelove]

Imagine the joy if you were short, broke, or a fat body. I remember one of my buddies starting to work out was like what's the point, I'm not seeing many gains, so on and so forth, when he went from being ignored to getting 6's and 7's like it was harvest season he was in the gym more than I was lol

You are jumping in after a period of inactivity, and getting jaded from online dating, I'd say still use online dating, but set your location in that city 45 minutes away, and use it strictly for getting tail and have zero expectations.

You aren't in college anymore, though the women you're seeing still can be if that's what you want. You just have to work a little harder for it and have a plan that works for you, your area, and be a completely fake a-hole with the online dating, pictures of your abs, say lame shit like I love puppies and kisses, bam, profile complete.

[disappoint3d]

Yeah it is pretty easy to become jaded quickly these days. What's funny is my profile was solid based on the matches I got, and in the first week I had two different women say verbatim "you are a woman's wet dream" and "I didn't want anymore babies but now I'm reconsidering". I get straight to it and just send my phone number out at that point, but they both ended up unmatching me and never texted. I've never gotten hung on things like that I just think it's extremely odd.

[razelove]

That's how online dating works. You get matched with the "top tier" when you sign up. Then after a week or two you'll get switched over to a "lower tier". In your case with the 6 6 6 going for you, you'll be displayed to new people signing up in your region and broader ones to hook them and try to get them to sign up for premium and what not.

It hurts their business model to have you or the women actually start a relationship. For an infinite wheel of "better matches" and ONS to happen is ideal for them, so that's what they push. Try it out with deleting your profile and starting a new one with a VPN, you'll get the hottest girls in your area for about a week, along with the bots and OF girls matching for follows.

After a week or two it'll slow down to when you're displayed unless you have those 6 pack photos, or especially if you put one on a boat, and put up something like being an attorney or something, then it won't slow. Basically be a fuck boy and the site will love you. That was my experience at least. Being genuine is the cardinal sin.

[disappoint3d]

I think it does vary slightly based on where you live, because my experience was slightly different. I did get a boatload of likes (not matches) in the first few hours, like 60 or 70, which got me interested enough to throw $15 at it to see who they were, bc that never happened to me before when I was out of shape. It was mostly people I ended up weeding out and then was left with like 8 actual matches, but since I did match with people who probably get a ton of likes, the algorithm evened out and determined I was "more desirable" and went from showing me whale wars to people I was actually interested in.

by the way no offense to those girls, but I work hard on my body, and if they don't I'm just not interested.

Anyways, I started getting a steady stream of actual matches everyday from the algorithm's "desirables", but most of them don't even talk, and the ones who do, well, you already read the OP.

[razelove]

Ouch, well, I still say touch grass for the relationships, and be an absolute savage on the dating sites. It's not like it'll hurt anything as your current strategy isn't working. Granted I haven't used them seriously for like 5 years, so things might have changed, but that was my attitude then.

I have my shit together, and don't have time for games. Just frame everything as if you're joking about how they're barely adequate rather than tearing off all facades. Treat the dating sites like a crappy crab trap. It's nice if you get something, but don't waste anything on it that you weren't going to toss or give away anyway. I guarantee their attitude is the same if not worse.

Save that time and effort for a photography class, art, programming, something fun or relevant to your career while you have your kid in karate or something, and do the physical one at a center, community college, whatever works best for you to get out.

[disappoint3d]

Things really have changed with the online dating scene. I used these apps in the early 2010's when it was all still the wild west and you could use nearly all their features for free, before they learned how to monetize peoples loneliness since then. I was still a child then honestly, early 20's, but even though I got FAR fewer interested prospects, I somehow met way more people.

Im now much more well rounded myself, good job, into fitness, and funny you should mention, I do practice martial arts (albeit Muay thai) and the kid is starting soon. If I had to stick it out alone, I could do it. I am mentally fortified. But Im a lover also. And though I never wallow in it, I won't pretend failed relationships don't hurt me.

Sounds like given circumstances I may be a lone wolf for a while, but nonetheless your advice has been solid.

[ProbablyClueless]

They are bored and want attention.

That kind of thing is exactly why I'm not on dating apps.

[disappoint3d]

There's a fair number of single moms on there but in all seriousness there's usually a very good reason why they're single. Probably same goes for single dads. Or maybe weve all just been fed the same BS that we deserve better when in reality some of us actually don't. Who knows.

[ProbablyClueless]

I think most of us don't deserve better. I think most of us are far more difficult people to deal with than we realize and that we spend a lot of time creating our own problems and then complaining about how we can't find the magic solution.

It's like you said; after a certain age, single people are single for a reason. Sometimes that reason isn't their fault, but most of the time it is. And if that reason is their fault, it's usually bad news.

[disappoint3d]

You're not as clueless as your username makes you out to be. In fact I'd say you're exactly right.

[Abbycado]

Huh? Where you meeting the girls at? What is the 6-6-6 criteria you speak of?

[disappoint3d]

6 pack, 6 ft, 6 figures. It's incredibly stupid and shallow and I was unaware of it until a woman online told me I fit the bill and that she only guys for men of the sort. Maybe it was a compliment, I guess?

[Abbycado]

That’s retarded and she is shallow. Guy I’m dating doesn’t make six figures. He has a six pack. Also not 6’ tall. So….

[disappoint3d]

I mean that pic included was taken of me in the last month, if that gives you anything to go off.

[Abbycado]

Not really because to each is own as far as looks go. What I find attractive the next girl won’t.

She seems like a really shallow girl. Look at it this way, if a guy makes $300k, is 6’2” and has a six pack and treats me like shit…. adios.

[disappoint3d]

The woman I was mainly talking about in the op though didn't say that. To give context, at one point I went a whole day without texting her, to which SHE ACCUSED ME of ghosting. Only to then ghost me when I asked if she still wanted to hang out after SHE cancelled the date, after talking non stop all week how excited she was to hang out with me.

[Abbycado]

Wow, she sounds like real prize XD

I’d drop her like a bad habit and move on if I were you. You deserve better if your looking for a decent relationship.

[disappoint3d]

thanks for calling it like it is and not accusing me of being one of the "nice guys", because those guys really are terrible and get angry too easily. I'm really trying not to be mad at these women, I'm just, well, disappointed...

[genericname85]

it's not just women. that's generally how people deal with not being interested enough in a person these days.

[disappoint3d]

That's surprising to me to hear that other guys do this because by just scrolling through the dating threads on hear it seems like half the worlds males are forever alone.

[genericname85]

Well if half the world's males is forever alone, so is half the world's females. Cause we're roughly 50:50 and we're still a monogamous society. So yeah. I think a big reason for that is social media and people being stuck in their head or the phone, not living in the real world.

[genericname85]

By the way. If that's you in the Foto, I think what I just said is exactly your problem. No homo but you're decent enough looking. You can find a girlfriend. Do you have a somewhat decent job and your own place to live?

[disappoint3d]

Yeah, I mean I had one for 6 years until recently and lived with 2 women previously. I find women just fine. It's sustaining interaction that falls flat. Thats in person and online. It seems like it's gotten worse recently, hence the OP.

[genericname85]

well it's a numbers game. you need to sift through a lot of shit before you find a diamond. not saying you have to be with all of them. but gotta get efficient at sorting the shit out if you know what i mean.

[disappoint3d]

I know. But I try to give people a chance in person. I guess women try and do the sifting over text. One woman online told me she weeds people out by how they text or she would "be going on 100's of dates a week. I wanted to write back something like "wow well aren't you special" but I just did her job for her and stopped talking to her.

[genericname85]

Well... Some sorts of sifting will bring you polished turds, not gold

[slatyb]

They like the attention, but aren't interested in a relationship.

[Crazzyyworld]

Women are like a child. They don’t want to compete with your child. Women want 100% attention from you.

[disappoint3d]

It seemed like most women who were actually willing to talk on there also had kids. I think it's the ones with no kids that are just looking for validation.

[noohair]

I have fat fingers and do not text well on a phone, so I guess I am screwed... or not screwed... lol...

[In_Trance]

Must be the women you're talking to because I have never experienced this

[disappoint3d]

Maybe, but I've talked to a fair number of women in the last month and have been more selective than probably most are, yet I seem to be the only common denominator in these situations.

[In_Trance]

That's also a fair point so it must be something you're saying or doing

[disappoint3d]

I know. I would have provided more context but ran out of characters. You always hear that looks help you get away with a lot, yet no matter how many compliments I get, the communication over the phone seems to kill it. Only this is like a recent thing, I don't remember this ever happening in my 20's. And I've been tied down for 7 years.

[In_Trance]

Have you ever thought of calling one of them up and ask for feedback? Nothing's going to happen between the two of you anyways so it might be worth a shot

[disappoint3d]

... these girls already won't answer simple text messages...

Lmao

[In_Trance]

That's part of the problem. Stop texting and call her

[disappoint3d]

its actually somewhat surprising and refreshing to hear this from someone younger than me. and i mean i feel you, i have done that before and it seems like a speed run to getting blocked. its like they dont know how to communicate without a buffer zone.

[In_Trance]

In my experience women love it when you call them. They always complain about how slow guys are at texting back and on the other hand complain if you text back too fast.
I avoid that nonsense completely. Sure there is some texting but I like to break the call barrier sooner rather than later. If there's truly no connection or there truly not interested you'll find out much faster

[disappoint3d]

You know what, I'm gonna do that right now. Nothing to lose at this point?

[In_Trance]

Exactly and don't be afraid to try a couple of different ones cuz they're not all going to be willing to give you the feedback you're looking for

[disappoint3d]

Tried calling. No luck so far. I think I just need to move to wherever you are. Sounds like the quality of your singles pool is just better.