Is taking a road trip with someone you've only been dating less than a month a good idea or not?

[Anonymous]

My friend is considering doing this and all of our friend group are saying she's nuts. None of us know him at all, and if she goes, she's stuck with him for an 8 hour drive coming and going. She says they'll have separate hotel rooms, but we're just worried about her safety. Are we being too paranoid for our friend?

[236color]

Truth be told, most any guy could turn out to be an ax murderer, you just have to use your best judgment and hope for the best. I would make a point of making sure a friend knows who she's with, where they're going , when they're expected back and the friend has a picture of him. Also make sure he knows the friend has this. If he balks on this, don't go. If he doesn't understand it's riskier for women out there, it's time he learned.

All that said this trip will help establish compatibility. 8 hours in a metal box with someone will do that.

[PetLover24]

It's stupid. It's as stupid as a woman years ago who met up with someone from online dating at a public setting and then immediately back to his apartment. Complete strangers. She's dead now. Fell - or thrown - off the balcony.

Why is it stupid?

Because she knows NOTHING about him - and he knows nothing about her. I'm not saying he's dangerous - who knows, he might be (maybe he has personality disorder which untreated can make someone potentially dangerous) - but the simple fact WHAT does she do if they find out they can NOT stand each other after the first day?

She may find herself stranded in the middle of shit nowhere without a vehicle, potentially without proper cell reception, and who knows what may happen in that situation.

[PeachyPie93]

I think it is fine.. its a road trip not marriage lol. It is a good indicator to see if they can stand to be around each other for long periods of time and if you can get along and compromise for each other. If it goes well it can blossom into a great relationship if it goes bad at least they found out sooner than later. Also she should make sure she has her own cash in case things go bad so they can go their separate ways but besides that its all good. No need to worry most guys are not rapists or serial killers..

[PetLover24]

@PeachyPie93 whatever happened to safe & intelligent options like coffee dates, movies, bowling, etc. to learn about each other. Road tripping with a complete stranger isn't just dumb - what do you DO if you can't stand each other, magically have a second car drop out of the sky so you can both go separate ways - it's potentially dangerous.

[PeachyPie93]

@PetLover24 I'm sure they already did those dates.. or why would she be comfortable going with him? If you can't stand each other you will know on the way there. You can get separate rooms and make an agreement for the way back. But most people can be mature enough to stand to be around each other for one day so she can get back home. Or worst come the worst she can call someone to come and get her or catch a bus or something back.. its not that dangerous. If she was a teen I would think its dangerous but she is a full grown adult (assuming in her 30s going by your age) I am sure she can make that call herself.

[OlderAndWiser]

Suppose they have an argument one hour into the trip. That will be a LONG trip!

What is the length of the trip? The purpose?

Has their relationship become sexual yet? That is a prevailing expectation when a couple takes their first trip together.

[Finchie40]

If you really like that person than yes , if they have been polite and friendly and kind to me that’s all that matters , there is no set time limit for who you like and don’t like , some people just have that chemistry and connection with each other immediately , so I am sure she will be safe

[Asker]

I'm trying to convince myself of that, but seen too many horror stories. We're a tight bunch of friends who have known each other for twenty years, so we know all our business, but we don't know a thing about this guy---this girl is "our sister," and so we are protective as a group over each other. Hopefully its fine because she hasn't changed her mind about the trip yet.

[Finchie40]

Nothing wrong with having some concerns d being worried for her but all you can really do is just be there for her and support her as much as possible , we all make our own choices in life , so if she doesn’t feel comfortable with this guy , I am sure she wouldn’t go period , but the fact that she is? , all you can really do is wish her well and pray she is safe on her trip with this guy , if you are worried for her , just text her and check up on her while she is away and tell her to do the same before she leaves and tell her your reason why , if you don’t hear back from her at all , after a long period of time then the next best thing to do is to call the cops and report her missing if it comes down to it. But more than likely it won’t have to go that far , just tell her to please keep in touch so you know she is ok

[Asker]

Yeah, she's an adult who is capable of making her own choices. We've done what all we can do as friends to warn her of the dangers. Someone suggested having her carry an air tag, and I will certainly suggest it. I know she'll check in with us. We've had that hard and fast rule since we were teens, so hoping all is well.

[Finchie40]

That’s a good idea if she is ok with that

[PetLover24]

@Finchie40 - thing is psychopaths and other extremely dangerous people are exceptional experts at making people feel comfortable. They are such experts at manipulation they'd be mega billionaires if they taught courses at university. If not then mass murderers like Bundy, who everyone described as a sweet charming individual, wouldn't exist.

[Finchie40]

Yea I understand , hopefully she didn’t end up with one but that’s the thing none of us really know what someone else’s true intentions are , we can’t read minds , so all we can do is pray they are genuine when we meet someone new , and pray that your friend is safe , if she is a good friend , she will more than likely keep in touch with you and let ya know she is alright and hopefully she does the same for you when you meet someone new. But we can’t force someone not to do something that is clearly out of our hands and control , we can give them advice and be concerned for them but we can’t force them

[AviatorTom]

A road trip is almost always a good idea. You will have fun, and the two of you will learn about each other. Even if the road trip ends up being bad, and the two of you split up, you'll have the satisfaction of going to, and enjoying, the places you went to.

[PetLover24]

@AviatorTom - whatever happened to safe & intelligent options like coffee dates, movies, bowling, etc. Road tripping with a complete stranger isn't just dumb it's potentially dangerous.

[AviatorTom]

@PetLover24 It's not a complete stranger. Hopefully you've learned something about each other in the month you've been dating. I would agree with you if you don't know the person, or haven't developed any trust yet.

[PetLover24]

@AviatorTom - ROFL. If you're only meeting once or twice a week - which is quite typical of working people, not those on welfare - you've learnt nothing about someone else in a month.

[jshm2]

Well... if we don't hear from you in a week then you've likely ended up in a shallow grave in a forest somewhere...

Joking aside. Never travel with anyone without at least three people knowing. Not only for your own security but in case something happens out with the parties control. You could get robbed or into an accident. If no one is expecting to hear from you, then no one is going to come looking for you either.

Also, serial killers tend to target people with few friends and low social interaction.

[Anonymous]

it's not as bad as this situation, one of my friends has borderline personality disorder, she met a guy, they started dating immediately, and is now moving in with him into his house after 3 months. she's been on a few long distance road trips with him in the month or two after they started dating. your friend sounds just as compulsive as my friend. as a woman, i'd never ever consider any of this.

but anyways, yes this is not safe at all. but it's so hard to reason with people like this.

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay, I actually have experience in this. I have done it before. Personally, I think it depends on the person. Because some people are safe, and some people are crazy.

Oddly enough, though, I have had more problems from males than females. Only one chick was acting hysterical one time because I went into portable restroom to take a piss and apparently she didn't know where I was, but I was right there the whole time. I was literally 20 yards away from her. So she didn't have to freak out and start yelling like that.

[Juleskik67]

All relationships have to start somewhere!

Is the trip just 8 hours, one night away, then come back?

I guess if it was a foreign holiday I'd be more unsure, but if it's essentially an extended day out (and they have got separate rooms) I'd be more relaxed.

Obvs, you could still offer to be an emergency contact and slip her an Apple Air Tag (other brands are available) to enable her to feel secure that she won't vanish...

[Asker]

No, it's 8 hours there, they are going to spend 4 days, and then 8 hours back.

If she insists, I think that is a great idea with the airtag, except if she disappears and the air tag is elsewhere, not really going to help. None of our friend group knows this guy at all. We have not met him. They've only been on like 4 dates. I'm just worried for her.

[Juleskik67]

Just because she's away, doesn't mean you can't keep the comms flowing - keep updated etc? (personally, I'd also do a deep reconnaissance on him in the meantime!)

[Purpleronnie]

Where is the sense of perceived danger coming from? Is it because she , as you say , barely knows him? That’s not danger , that’s an opportunity. I think perhaps you have to respect your friends judgement. It’s not nuts to want to get to know someone and spend time with them. Sounds to me like a roadtrip is really good setting for just that.

[ArrowheadSW]

Normally I'd say that it is a bit too soon, but every relationship is different. Is there any way that you can meet this guy ahead of time and give an opinion? You might pick up on something that she isn't picking up.

[cloud9vortex1234]

You probably are being too paranoid. Even so, she should of waited longer to get to know him better. Still, you have to let people live there lives. I find personally if you try to live life too safely then it's not as fun and enjoyable. The good thing is the guy she's vacationing with is probably not a psychopath. It's usually the woman who's the Crazy One which can be good or bad depending on how crazy she is.

[Anonymous]

It is absolutely not okay.

Show her this.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killing_of_Gabby_Petito

[WindAtMyBack]

I see nothing at all wrong with this. This is seriously not a big deal at all. Yes, you are being too paranoid. Sure, something could go wrong, but it could go wrong on a two hour date.

[the29thhuman]

No, you are not being too protective of your friend.
your other friends, are any of them male? What do they feel from this guy?


Either someone goes with her or u can get right in the way kicking and screaming

[Asker]

Our friend group is like 60% female/40% male and all the guys are saying the same thing we are saying to her---don't do this. A month feels way too soon, and I'm not trying to be anybody's mom here and tell her that as an adult, she can't do something, but there will be no one to save her if something goes wrong, but she's insistent that "he's cool."

[SweetPi]

Agree to much to soon and no one knows him! It's romantic in this is us. However we know how it turns out. We kinda accept it as romantic however it's not in real life.
So many girls have been trafficed and sold this way.
Don't let her go! Maybe stick a GPS into her jacket or something?

[Bricealan]

In my experience... not a good idea... nothing worse than being 'trapped' with someone that you are diametrically opposed to in terms of behavior etc

[NathanDavis]

I think it should be about how well do you KNOW and TRUST this person, there's a safety factor involved...

[Nikki1989]

Road trips are a bore at the best of times. They are even a bigger risk with someone you don't know so well.

[red324]

I don't know, I sometimes arrange something like this for date 3. I'll take her on a boat ride, but they don't ever want to go. I just want to do something besides taking her to eat somewhere, etc.

[jazzy34]

Extremely unwise, but she’s an adult. Meaning, anything y’all say or do won’t change her mind. Hopefully, she doesn’t go, though.

[RavVid]

Too paranoid. She should know after a month if she can spend that amount of time with him companionably and equally if she is safe with him.

[nawtee_me]

Yes and no! Yes to being concerned for your friend. However a road trip is the best way to get to know someone. Make sure your number is on speed dial and you all have a code word just in case.

[slatyb]

Who is he? People with lives don't commit crimes with people who know them.

[SmileyLady]

It’s too soon and naturally, he’s going to expect sex.

[Anonymous]

Ah yes the fear mongering female hive mind at work. If bad things happen in movies, it must be real.. Smh your friend is better off without your friend group

[marish01]

I wouldn't mind it only if he would respect my choice of abstinence

[JesseP1nk]

that is crazy. Why the rush? Why people just get to know each other first before they are gonna do things together?

[LiamJHayden]

I've seen people move in together faster than that.

[RedInnocent69]

If they need separate hotel rooms, then no, it’s not a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Why have separate hotel rooms? THAT'S a good reason NOT to do it.

[spartan55]

Separate hotel rooms... riiiight...

[Asker]

So much about this sounds so sketchy to me. I wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting here, but now I'm even more like, don't do this!

[spartan55]

You all are acting like she has no judgment or sense at all? A fucking air tag? Really? Good lord, she probably wants to bang him away from all of you busybetties.

[WhitneySnow]

No. I agree with you.

[kaucky1]

Bad idea unless it's another girl

[elaphe]

It sounds too soon to me.

[Radiate143]

I wouldn't

[jojouzumaki]

I think it’s fine

[CVNT5]

yes it is

[In_Trance]

Great idea

[Adana01]

maybe if I love him.