Should I stick around and pursue something with this man or just leave and move on?

[Anonymous]

This guy and I are both single parents, and we have been talking for awhile. He says he has feelings for me and I have feelings for him. We connect so well and have a lot of fun together. With what I am about to say, I don't know if I am selfish and just have to be understanding and patient, or if I am looking like a fool and should move on.

He texts me everyday until night. We go on about two dates a month.. honestly, I get super bored of just texting him.. it gets dry and I feel like it could ruin the chances of an actual relationship. You can't really build into a relationship from just texting.. spending time together makes people closer, or even a simple phone call. I have been super patient and nice.

He has been having baby mama drama, and just gained full custody of his three children. He has a lot of help from his mom and sisters. I have full custody of my child too, but I find a balance. We both work a lot too. He makes very good money, and is a workaholic. He picks up side gigs every weekend. Selfishly, I wish he didn't have to pick up every side gig. If I had an opportunity to pick up work hours on a weekend, I would say no so I could hang out with my child all weekend then see him for a couple hours out of that weekend.

I'm starting to back off. I can see my texts are turning a little dry. Im backing off too to give him space, knowing that he is stressed out. He says he wants to hang out and that he misses me, but will say, "oh wow! I haven't thought of hiring a babysitter!" Then he neglects to tell me when he can't get one.. just tell me if you can't. If I am really wanting to see somebody, I get on that as soon as I can. I could've hanged out with friends or something.. I never go out to see a friend just for some dinner. I even offered to drive out to see him because I feel bad when he drives up here even though he insists, "for you, it's worth it!" I'm going to let him initiate the date next time.

I do have trust issues. I feel like everyone lies.

[HollyK21]

I was getting ready to briefly share my encounter dating a father back in 2020, but I doubt you care to read all that lol. So let me just flash forward from that and say almost 3 years later, I’m engaged now to someone else, and would not recommend continuing in situations that don’t provide a silver lining.


When you put yourself out there to date, always be ready and willing to act in your best interest, thinking with your head and not your heart. In the heart of the situation, I believe your guy was like the one I dated, and he does have good intentions. I think he recognizes you’re a good, patient, understanding woman and he needs grand gestures (like driving out to see you each time, good dates, etc.) Unfortunately though at the root of it all, he just can’t.


He officially gained full custody of THREE small children. Let that sink in. He also works full time at a very demanding job. Now ask yourself, how do you realistically fit into this equation? This would be the time more than ever for him to be showing you that he can prioritize you as well as building a relationship with you, and he simply cannot do it.


I understand you like each other, and I know how hard the dating pool can be for single mothers, I’ve grown up around it all my life. But I’m also big on not wasting my time or investing it into situations I can’t feel confident about. Like I said, I’m sure this guy wants a relationship, I’m sure he gets lonely too and wants to be with someone. But he needs to find a balance in life before finding a woman. Whether it’s working less, or waiting til his kids get a bit older and maybe the oldest can babysit. Who knows, but he needs to figure it out first just like you did.

[SweetPi]

Was loving this till tired of just texts and then baby momma drama... Huge red flag!

Does he only text? Why not call? Not like most parents are not on their phones most days while watching the kids?

So agree this is started to end not from you but his lack of effort. Just 3 months being lazy boring already.

Imagine a year of this so no romance no special flowers...

Move on he deserves his Abby mommy and will probably get her pregnant a 4th time. Guys like them usually do!

Here is a wonderful hug you will find someone special. Sounds like he is not it! Men dating should not have baby mommy drama means something is still going on with them!

[Asker]

You're right and the truth does suck, because we want to be hopeful.. lol 🙃. I also feel stupid putting others on the back burner for him. He initiated the texts but I initiated the calls which was annoying. Not ALL but I wish some of these men were more assertive and would just be more transparent. You're only hurting the other person if you're not being honest. I feel like I am doing my part but he isn't.

[SweetPi]

Sorry but it happens we want to hope just often our views change as we get to know people!
My ldr was good till we started calling and he just lost interest and flat out cheated. Ghosted and blocked. Said he lost the feeling after talking with me. He only wanted to text or have my attention whenever he wanted it.

[SweetPi]

He can be busy to call but he is probably not or could call you back always starting something is a big turn off!
So fully agree some men need to be that but don't and that is how they get us and manipulate us! Feel for my single mom friends who let baby daddies drag them around and manipulate them and often get them pregnant again and starved for love!

Your doing a great part and putting so much care into something he only says he cares about! Often he will care if your taking it away!

Slowly ghost him give him space and so get yourself another date! You deserve it

Also a good date not McDonald's date night!

[Oliverlogan263]

Okay girl, I hear ya. This does seem like kind of a frustrating situation. A few thoughts:

It's understandable to want more effort and quality time from someone you're connecting with. Texting only gets old, and it's normal to want more substance to build a relationship. A couple dates a month is barely anything!

At the same time, it sounds like he's dealing with a lot on his plate with the full custody stuff. But that's not really an excuse to not see you more either. You're making it clear you're willing to compromise and meet him half way.

I'd say keep taking a step back like you said for now to see if he steps up to the plate. But if dates and effort don't increase after giving him some space, you've gotta ask yourself how much longer you're willing to wait around for the bare minimum.

It's great you both have kids to consider, but you also deserve someone who can balance priorities and make you a real priority too. Trust your gut - if you keep feeling less valued, it may be time to move on for your own happiness. But hopefully some breathing room helps for now! Lmk if anything changes sis.

[spartan55]

That last sentence will prevent you from keeping a serious relationship.

[In_Trance]

Move on