My Family Hates My 13-Year Age Gap Relationship, But I’m So Happy—What Should I Do?

[Anonymous]

I’m in a relationship with a guy who’s 13 years younger than me. I’m 40, and he’s 27. I know we have a big age gap. I was actually super hestiant about dating him at first because of that. However, when I finally decided to look past the age difference I discovered that he's an incredible guy. We have an incredible connection—emotionally, physically, and intellectually. He’s thoughtful, supportive, and makes me feel valued in ways I haven’t felt in years. I’m falling for him deeply, and I know he feels the same. He's the kind of partner that's super hard to come by

The hardest part isn't the relationship itself. It's how hurt/rude/unsupportive everyone else is because of the age gap. My parents, friends, and most of my sibblings are pretty passive-aggressive about their disapproval. They never outright says anything is wrong, but their tone is always full of disapproval. They say things like, “I just hope this is what you really want for the long-term.” One of my sisters said "You know, this could just be a phase, right? He’ll probably want someone closer to his age eventually.”

One of my sisters, however, has been incredibly negative. She’s constantly making comments like, “You’re just wasting your time. He’ll grow up, and you’ll still be stuck in the same place.” She doesn’t understand why I’m so happy with Bryan and keeps acting like this is just some kind of phase that I’ll regret later. It really hurts because I’ve tried explaining how deep our connection is, but she just dismisses it.

At work, it’s been worse. One coworker said, “Honestly, isn’t it a little embarrassing? It’s kind of desperate, don’t you think?” Another said, “He’s probably just using you for experience. It’s not going to last.” It’s so hard to hear people talk about my relationship this way when they don’t know anything about our relationship. (click to finish reading the question)

Updates

1 y

The only people who’ve been supportive are my two daughters (15 and 13) and my best friend. They both love Bryan, and my best friend defends me against the negativity. But no matter how much support I have, it’s hard to ignore the judgment from others.

I’ve talked to Bryan, and he’s been amazing—supportive, reassuring, and always defending me when people say hurtful things. I truly believe this relationship is something special. But I don’t want to lose my family or friends over it.

Updates

1 y

How do I deal with the judgment without giving up on something that feels so right? How do I navigate this?

[DollAlone]

I just got out of an 11 year relationship with a guy who was 13;years younger than me. In the beginning, it was just as you described, he was all those things and more. At first people called him my "bottom" and that pissed me off. But after awhile, they gained respect for him. Our problems after a few years was that he did young guy things, like flirt with my friends, secretly watch porn every time he was alone, made me feel insecure and hurt me. Then became physically abusive during fights. And it would be little things we fought about like me being concerned that i already had 3 kids and he had none and i felt like he would miss out on that part of life by staying with me etc. He ended up leaving me for a younger chick and we had a terrible break up. My advice is, regardless of what anyone is saying, follow YOUR heart! Everyone else is not in your relationship and don't know how either you or your partner feel so they have no right to judge. Just don't fall head over heels like i did cause its much harder to remove the knife from your back when your in that position. Also keep in mind that the only outer people of your relationship who matter are your children , you say they like him so things will effect them if they bond with him. As things would with any man you get involved with of any age.

[IslaTheWitch]

I don't get it... it's your relationship, and you set boundaries for your family...

my parents weren't happy about my first relationship at all... they planned my whole life, and I, without asking them for permission, did something on my own :D

not the first time :D

but I communicated clearly that it's my life and my decision, and they can accept or deny the reality...

They denied it at first, and we didn't have much contact for the first year... then they realized that throwing tantrums doesn't work... they never accepted my partner, but at least their grandchildren have grandparents :D

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"How do I deal with the judgement without giving up on something that feels so right? How do I navigate this?"

If you never rarely faced situations where your identity is conflicting with a group. If not, then welcome to the world of minorities lol.

The way I see it, since you have already considered what is good for you. Since you don't want your identity to be denied, then you probably need to accept, definitively, that most people are programmed to exert pressure for conformity on others or inside themselves. Usually they are not aware of what they're doing, of the kind of pressure they create, for themselves or for others. That can be discussed with them.

When they are aware though, when they are convinced that pressure for conformity is the right thing to do then it's probably a dead-end, if it is family then we won't see each other again, only when necessary.

[HawkPerception]

Hate to say that, but if they're that close minded towards your relationship, then keep them at a distance. If you distance yourself from them and they don't learn to accept your life choice, then they care more about your choice than their love for you.

I personally have a friend that married a guy 16 years older than her. She's extremely happy and she dated him several years before making that choice. And I also have a cousin that married a guy 13 years older than her.

Age gaps like that are just less common than closer age gaps, but they do happen. And the couples are very happy. Ignore the naysayers.

[Finchie40]

All that matters is you are happy , fuck what other people think or say , it’s your life and your decision not theirs, if they can’t accept your happiness then they don’t need to be a part of your life period , Age has nothing to do with the chemistry and connection you share with someone. People are judgmental about everyone else but themselves, , just ignore them and distance yourself from them if they can’t accept your happiness

[Avicenna]

Well, you’re an adult and so is he, so I don’t see a problem with your respective ages.

I suspect a good part of the concern others have is the fact you’re a parent, and it’s hard for people to understand why a guy his age would date an older woman with two kids.

If you’re sure the only concerns they have is your age difference, then I would tell them”thank you for your opinions, but I am happy in this relationship and will not discuss it further.

[molonski2]

He is just a young guy who does not want responsibility , he just wants a mother that he can sleep with , at 40 you will probably face ' the change of life " within the next 10 years , and he needs to grow up and be responsible , you are far too old for him , I'm 100% with your family..

It will be a heartbreaking situation , or you will have a needy " mother lover " hanging around , complete lack of responsibility on his part , coz its easy with you , he doesn't have to do anything.

[lightbulb27]

It's reasonable to listen to outside opinions, but your view is what matters. you know yourself and what you see from him. If his commitment is there and that's what you want, that's all matters.

Most relationships last how long? 10-20yrs. you are at your prime and got a good dose of hormones flowing, so all is good right now. So roll with it.

I have a 7 year gap.

I guarantee things change. Hopefully you evolve together and you work on to do so. you work harder to stay in shape and healthy and grow and enjoy life together.

[MoonFace2]

I may not understand the attraction to a much younger man, either. On the other hand, it’s your life and your right to date whoever makes you happy. The coworkers…are probably just jealous that they can’t attract someone younger.

With your family, I wouldn’t cut ties with them. Families have a way of wanting what they regard as being the best for you, but acting like arseholes in their whole approach. I think they feel protective of you. They’re afraid that you might be having a midlife crisis, about the emotional maturity gap between the two of you and not understanding why an age gap like that works out for some people. I do know some guys who sincerely care about and want to marry women half their age. My opinion is that if it makes you happy, ignore their comments and continue. Marry this guy if you want to.

[PeachyPie93]

I get you are happy right now and that is great and all but your friends and family are just trying to keep you from getting hurt later. Most guys don't stay with older woman, they tend to move on since men are very visual. Plus once your sex drive dies after menopause its all down hill..
If you don't want the negative and to stay in your happy bubble just don't mention it to those people and be happy with him..

[Zack-Bann]

Tried that for a while in the past where I was the younger one.


It felt amazing and still my fondest memories to this day


But the relationship eventually reached a glass ceiling that we both couldn’t break through


So while I think it’s a beautiful thing I also know that the road to hell is paved with good intentions and such relationships always have a deadline


Maybe yours will be the exception

[RavVid]

I think you should stay in a situation that makes you happy most of all.

At the same time you do have to realize there may be limits on this relationship. If in time he wants to have his own children then you are are not the woman for him.

I think in relationships with a large age gap the older partner needs to have the maturity to let the younger partner go if that time comes.

[worldscolide]

I fully support this and see no issues with it. Granted if the roles were reversed there would be pink anons screaming that the older person is some how a pedophile. No enjoy what you have. My wife is 9 years my junior and i could not be happier.

[Twalli]

Ngl, there are some potential problems I can see. If he wants kids of his own, yhst won't be with you. Also, maybe it's just me, but I don't want to live long past my wife, if at all. Because of this I am still nervous being with someone only 5 years older than me.

[Asker]

For what it's worth, I'm completely open to having more kids (if we get to that point)

[Twalli]

You don't have that many more years you can give birth, though. Once you hit menopause, you're done.

[DrPepper12]

This is the easiest question posted on gag all day!!

You tell them this:

It's NUNYA!

[exitseven]

I am going to make a copy of this sign.

[nawtee_me]

One thing to remember is that everyone is entitled to their opinion. What ever it may be. Second thing is are you a leader or a follower? Lead your life or follow the feelings of your family who would not change their life over how you feel.
Agree to disagree and be happy.

[Bricealan]

You are in the 'drivers seat' in the relationship. A work associate is in his 30's and his wife is much older. They are, or seem to be in a good place.

Stay the course!!!

[jshm2]

You do nothing. You're both happy, and they're just being judgmental.

Perhaps they want a piece of him instead, and are just trying to run you off? Can never know fully about these things.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about it. The relationship won't last very long. I dated an older woman with almost exactly the same age difference and at the same age as he is. After a year or so I realized it couldn't possibly work. It's a short-term thing. I would focus on keeping my family first because they're still going to be with you even after he's gone.

[Anonymous]

Lol, so shortly said; you're intellectually, emotionally and and physically behind your age.

And least you were kind and waited for his brain to fully develop, you get points for that. I'd be embarrassed as fuck tho. But you do you.

[Asker]

Why would you be embarassed?

[Truthatanycost]

I see you didn't mention how long you have been together...

[Asker]

We've been together for about 7 months, but we only recently publically came out about our relationship (because we were worried about potential blowback)

[Makeushiver]

Don't make the mistake of comparing yourself with the fiction spun by porn stars. The only lovers who ever squirted with me were those who could have intense gas pot orgasms.

[Ironic_Method]

In my experience, you'll be happier with the family you chose over the family you didn't.

[Asker]

But I don't want to stop having a relationship with my family. I want to figure out a way where it can work out

I also have to deal with the people at work who are mocking me about this (and it's gotten to the point where it's pretty hard)

[Ironic_Method]

I was in a relationship with an older woman before and got some looks, but I'd choose my happiness over what other people think any day. As for my family... it was easy for me to distance myself since I already didn't like them.

In theory the best thing you can do is just show them how happy and good your relationship is and hope they'll come around.

[David5668]

You seem blissfully happy with the life you have, as do your daughters. Age is but a number. Tell the rest of them to butt out-it’s your life and your life choice/decision. Go and enjoy and hope it goes well for all of you.

[noohair]

Sounds like everyone in your family is perfect and know better than you. Sadly, that is not the case. Grab happiness when you can. Nothing lasts forever. Your first marriage proved that. Correct? Good Luck...

[NamerOfStars]

You should keep asking this question over and over and over again. That's SURE to help!

[Nikki1989]

If you’re happy and the relationship is healthy, that is all that matters.

[LiamJHayden]

I had a 14 year gap relationship with a lady and pressure from her "friends" and family about her "robbing the cradle" are exactly what caused it to end. Ignore them.

[WhitneySnow]

Listen to your boyfriend and your daughters and your BFF and ignore the haters

[Justneedtokno]

All the matter, do you feel comfortable and make sure you don’t feel manipulated and you feel emotionally mature to handle it

[WatchedPot]

Relationships of same age couples have their issues and comparing to some of those and their inabilities to navigate problems, age in comparison is minor.

[ihateTaylorSwift]

they should stop making things weird
and raining on ur parade
If he's ur true love

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

I'm sure if you just explain to your family and coworkers how many orgasms this guy gives you, they'll understand and be more supportive.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

Just curious. Are you hoping to eventually marry this guy, or are you just really enjoying the relationship while it lasts?

[Raaj4you]

Nothing wrong, don't listen to others, don't wait anymore, marry him if you see your future husband in him.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure your husband doesn't approve of him either so best to dump the 27 year old before he finds out but at this point he possibly already knows

[Asker]

My ex-husband

Why would I choose whom I date based on what my ex-husband thinks?

[Opinion Owner]

What state do you live in?

[Asker]

I don't see how that's relevant

[TrustOfWorthington]

Who cares about an age gap? I know, they do but why bother? Ignore it, parents are just as clueless as Teenagers.

[Pete671]

Are your family usually supportive about other aspects of your life?

[Anonymous]

You're 40 and you have two teenaged kids. When do you think you're going to start adulting?

[Asker]

Why don't you think I've been adulting?

[msc545]

Tell your family and friends to mind their own business.

[beefcakebradybatson]

He makes you happy, so ignore your family's carping.

[Delia2005]

All that matters your happy. If they can’t be Happy For You. You’ll have limited contact.

[Apple1996]

Ignore the haters

[MK1997]

Just ignore them. Why take it personally?

[Asker]

I wish I could just ignore it, but it’s hard when these comments come from people I care about—family and friends. I know people say things like that because they think it’s the easiest way to deal with negativity, but it feels a lot more complicated when it’s coming from the people you love and respect.

I could ignore it from people who aren't family and friends, but it’s really hard when the judgment is coming from everywhere. It just adds a whole other level of stress. At work, for example, people make comments behind my back, and sometimes right to my face. It’s hard to brush that off when it feels like it’s happening all the time. I’ve even had colleagues laugh or look at us like we’re some kind of oddity when we’re just trying to enjoy our time together.

Even when we meet new people or introduce ourselves as a couple, there’s that look or awkward pause. They don’t say anything outright, but I can tell they’re thinking about the age gap. If it was just one or two instances, I could probably shrug it off. But it happens so often—people constantly questioning us, assuming things about our relationship just because of the age difference—that it’s hard not to take it personally.

[FunkyMonkee]

It's YOUR life, not theirs.

[blondfrog]

Does he support you financially?

[Asker]

No he doesn't.

[blondfrog]

Ok then I see their concern for you. I also believe he is taking advantage of you. If he was taking care if you financially i would be on your side.

[Maliya__love]

My family does too 14 year age gap over here

[Intheclouds00]

Who cares what anyone thinks

[QuietRunner]

as long as you feel right, then it is good

[CarolinaGirl5]

Lol get therapy