Is it normal to beat yourself up when you have a date that feels boring and feels like the guy isn’t into you?

[Anonymous]

I went on a second date tonight with a guy I wanted to see how things were on a second date but there was zero chemistry. When he hugged me at the end of the date it felt really awkward and like he wanted to get away.

He told me that he never had a girlfriend before and he’d never dated girls. He’s 23 and I’m 29. I opened up about my dating history. He said you are so attractive it’s hard to believe you’ve only ever been in a relationship with two men. He asked me whether guys ask me out in person or online and asked me whether I ask guys out myself or I wait until they ask me out

It was hard to believe he was asking me all these questions about how I get men but he seemed to have zero interest in me romantically on our second date.

I've started beating myself up about this and wondering if I’m the problem and I have issues attracting men. I’ve started to feel really unloveable because it seemed like there was zero chemistry on our date. Is this normal?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Asking you questions indicates curiosity, it is interest. Apparently, not the form of interest you want, since what we want to hear, see and appreciate is often personal. However, it is interest, in substance, just not manifested in the form you relate to.

Reasonably speaking, since interest is not the problem, you are beating up yourself based on a wrong conclusion. Now, this it is just the reasonable side of things. In anything that is how we are perceived by others, especially in a romantic context, emotion is playing a strong part. Especially when that perception is negatively turned.

Speculation:
Especially when that negative perception results from a chain of events, located in the past, and having nothing to do with this specific date, presently.

That speculation may be... Interesting? :)

[MannMitAntworten]

Years ago I went on a first date with a woman I would start to see regularly. The first date was the best date we would ever have as every time after that she seemed more and more distant and even bored even when I tried to get her to engage in activities. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and ended things with her. Her lone response being, “I told you that you would be the one to end the relationship.” It was as if this outcome was exactly what she wanted just so she could say those words and probably tell the next guy the same…

[Anonymous]

I always ask lots of questions before ever meeting. If they’re eager off the bat, it tells me they’re short tempered and inferior. If he’s all chatty to me as if we already know each other, I block him or simply don’t reply anymore at all. Guys online and off, are just pathetic. I’d never evaluate who I am based on how a guy may feel about me. You’re worth way more than his ego!

[Abbycado]

No, I wouldn’t say that is normal. Usually, if you go on a second date, there is something there.

I don’t have a lot of experience to draw on, having only dated two guys (including current boyfriend) but that seems odd.

[Finchie40]

It’s normal to experience bad dates , if the chemistry and connection isn’t there , it’s not there. You are best just to move on and eventually you will meet someone that has a lot of chemistry and connection with you , that’s why it’s called dating.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

It kinda sounds like this guy might have some emotional problems, or at the very least chronic shyness, if he's 23 and has never dated or been in a relationship before.

Some of the questions he asked you seem to imply that he's interested in how dating works, how people meet each other, that sort of thing.

Being on a date, not just with you but with anyone, might be an incredibly stressful, nerve-wracking experience for him, because he's so inexperienced, and so confused about everything.

So maybe don't give up on him just yet. It might take him longer than most guys to get comfortable with dating you.

[slatyb]

Forget about it. I had a summer with like seventeen first dates and no second dates. If you are meeting people online: there's a learning curve learning to read profiles, and it's still hit or miss. Lots of fish in the sea.

[DerekC321]

Of course not, finding a connection is rare. Don't take it personally. This particular guy sounded rather clueless anyway

[WhitneySnow]

That’s normal but don’t feel that way. This guy is just really awkward and couldn’t handle meeting a girl as beautiful as you.

[Anonymous]

Did you show minimal interest in him? Sane guys will get really turned off by that. Either way, it's completely normal to feel bad after a bad date. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you for feeling that way.

[paledreams]

Vice versa when the chick shows up "oh man she ain't nothing like her photo" and I can appreciate that ☺️ what hell 👿

[ihateTaylorSwift]

don't let him put you on the spot like that and feel bad
about yourself
next time
u ask ur questions too

[Nikki1989]

No, it is not normal. Beating yourself up about it isn't productive.

[hotman5]

seems like you got some issues in ur head that you should work on

[Radiate143]

Yes, you need to do some more inner work

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆