Are my dates not attracted to me? I have a lot of first dates where the guy is super awkward and seems like he doesn’t want to be there?

[Anonymous]

I shower and wear a nice perfume, do my hair and makeup, show up looking nice, etc. I’m nice and soft spoken, classy, etc. They just don’t seem into me whatsoever.

[Guy13]

Maybe you are a quality person and the last two ere looking for something easy. This tends to be the trend in all age groups theses days.

[Asker]

Seems like that could be. I show up wearing a nice fur coat and dress and Gucci bag. Maybe they feel they don’t have the game to get me to sleep with them. But that aside I have standards for how I’m treated too.

[Guy13]

Sounds like you know what you are doing. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[OlderAndWiser]

Do you think it is something physical about you? Something you do? Personality?

[Asker]

I’m really proper and elegant. But I also am reserved and don’t jump all in with being super into someone immediately.
Physically I’m not sure - I’m a pale redhead who’s thin and tall. I don’t have any features that are like so repulsive.

[OlderAndWiser]

Taller than the guys you date?

[Asker]

No I’m like 5’9”.
One guy once commented and said “I was worried at first. Wasn’t sure if you liked me.”

[OlderAndWiser]

So guys have a sense that you are not engaged with them?

[Asker]

I’m not sure. Maybe they expect me to be all over them and wowed by them but I’m not?

[OlderAndWiser]

You can show interest without suggesting that you are ready for a sexual romp.

[Asker]

I mean I ask questions and stuff. I have no idea. Maybe they find someone they consider better.

[OlderAndWiser]

Are you good at maintaining eye contact? Do you let a guy hold your hand on a first date? GOod night kiss? Think that could be an issue?

[Asker]

I’m bad at eye contact with nearly everyone. It’s also cuz I have adhd.

[OlderAndWiser]

When you avoid eye contact, guys probably interpret that to mean that you are not comfortable with them.

[Asker]

Could honestly be! And maybe deep down I am not comfortable with them.

[OlderAndWiser]

Is tat something you want to discuss?

[Asker]

Maybe I’m just feeling like I’m not sure if I trust this person and want to open up a lot with them. It’s mostly their energy.

[OlderAndWiser]

You've got to take a bit of a chance when you are dating. The trick is to just control the amount of the risk so t's not TOO great.

[OlderAndWiser]

What are you afraid is going to possibly happen wth a dude on a first date?

[OlderAndWiser]

Bad prior experience?

[Asker]

Maybe. Or just feel like I know this person won’t want to ask me out again so why bother if they have others they’re dating? I’m not sure, I think it’s also confidence which I lack. Just being honest.

[OlderAndWiser]

I had a problem with low self-esteem and lack of confidence wen I was younger. I understand.

[Asker]

I apply a lot of pressure on myself and maybe need to cut myself a little slack. I’m at a weird age where I want to succeed with career but also find someone.

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you ever considered double dating?

[Asker]

What’s that?

[OlderAndWiser]

That's when you, your date, and another couple spend the evening together. It gives you a chance to see how other couples interact and it gives your friend some exposure to how you act on a date so they can give you some feedback. Great learning experience, and boosts the confidence.

[Anonymous]

Would you say the guys' attire is on par with yours? Designer labels, on trend.

[Asker]

Honestly I look more fashionable. But they have nice things too like boats, cars, etc. and brag about some things they have.

[Asker]

They seem uncomfortable on the date.

[Opinion Owner]

You may be giving off gold digger vibes. Men generally don't want to date women who will spend all their money. Try dressing nicely, but not in designer clothes.

[Asker]

Um I have a very well paying job too, I’ve spent my own money on all of my nice things.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't doubt that. But that's not what they see. First impressions aren't necessarily accurate, but it's all they know.

[Asker]

Not sure how being a gold digger is a bad thing. They ask out women for their looks.

[Opinion Owner]

If your date attire and your every day attire are pretty much the same, I take your point.

[Asker]

That’s the other thing! I kinda wear the same thing on dates that I would wear every day 😂

[Opinion Owner]

Then I withdraw my hypothesis.

[Asker]

All good girly! No hard feelings ♥️

[Danny_dan92]

Yikes