Men usually don't want to date me, what do I have wrong?

Question

Usually men find me attractive but when it comes to taking the next step with me it simply doesn't happen. I'm 33 and I'm watching all my friends with stable relationship most of them with kids and I'm really wondering if I will ever even going to have kids. I'm suffering from a deep depression due to past traumas and my self-esteem is pretty low. Though I am very nice to people, educated, can have a good conversation but with me serious things don't happen. I'm freaking afraid of being alone all my life 🥺

Novacane · Accepted Answer

I would say age can be a factor, many times guys are looking for you get girls because men look for youth and beauty especially at that age. Also keep in mind that sadly the older women get the harder it is for them to have a safe pregnancy. Now am I saying you as and older women don’t deserve love? Of course not but those are some factors that could affect it.

If you want a man you need to understand what a man finds valuable, the same way a guy needs to find what a woman finds valuable in order for her to notice him. One thing you pointed out was good at conversation, but you need to note the type of conversation you are having, are you having a friendly conversation, because the types of convo can determine how someone will see you, if you have friendly convos people will see you as only a friend.

about your depression and trauma, you need to understand how much of a baggage that is to someone else. Nobody is blaming you for your past or trauma or depression, we know you didn’t choose to live this way, but also understand everyone has a past, as someone who also has depression, know that the only person that can pull you out of that is yourself so don’t expect other too, if you really want to change you need to be that change for you because nobody else will.

Focus on yourself before trying to get into a relationship because all it will lead is to you being dependent on that person, and most people don’t want to deal with that.

MCheetah · Accepted Answer

Well... Did you reject every single halfway decent guy in your 20s because you always thought you could "do better?" Because I find it hard to believe women can't find a guy. So I never believe it. Usually their standards are just insanely entitled... Until they hit their early to mid 30s, that is. Then they complain about there being "no good guys" for them, even though statistically, that'd have to be near impossible in this Age of Simps.

whirled_up_girl · Accepted Answer

While agree with some commenters that the dating pool does get narrower as women get older I've also found that as I get older it's easier to spot the men looking to settle down for something serious or those looking for something more causual. Don't give up though you still got time I mean my great grandmother remairried when she was in her 50s to a man younger than her so I know that's possible for women even older than you to find love. It just might take you a while to find it and it might not be easy but it's out there.

SweetDumplings · Accepted Answer

You can always build a relationship with God first, try writing down everything you want and need in a husband and pray on it every, express to God how you don't want to be lonely anymore, hopefully this helps you 💜

FilmGuy93 · Answer

It's because your depression and low self-esteem are massive redflags and are likely preventing you from expressing to men that they should make a move. Men aren't looking at you as someone to go steady with, they look at you as someone who has too much damage to even want to try.

OddBeMe · Answer

Look at this objectively and analyze your situation.
1) what are your average moves to meet men? Where do you go?
2) how many new people do you meet each week?
3) what traits do you find attractive?
4) how confident are you in general? Could you be subconsciously turning people away?

DWornock · Answer

The men were just being nice. They are going to tell you that you are attractive because they know that is what you want to hear. However, that doesn't mean they actually think you are attractive so take compliments from men with a grain of salt. At age 33, your desirability is much less than it was a dozen years ago. However, there are a lot of men that find you attractive; but almost certainly, those men don't appeal to you. And, the men you want, don't want you because they believe they can do better. Therefore, you can easily find men that want you but your high standards prevents you from finding men that appeal to you.

JC1981 · Answer

Work on yourself first. Universal rule of dating... You can't expect someone to love you, if you don't love yourself ". So allow yourself to heal and get to a better mindset and love yourself first.

notwoke · Answer

You won't like this advice but it is true. Your competing with 23 year olds if you are looking at men your age. A 23 year old is more energetic, Beautiful and excited about sex and doing kinky stuff, going skydiving, etc. Your 33, the number of men who are going to settle down with you is less than you expect. Your not at ideal child bearing age and women of this age bring considerable headaches in return for an ever decreasing amount of sex and men are aware of this. Look for a man who is 45+ and financially stable and in good health. you can get this man. As a very fit and financially well off 49 year old, I would disqualify many but not all 33 year olds

Anonymous · Answer

Have you considered you could be attracted to and choosing the wrong type of man? I'm not placing blame on you, just trying to change your perspective.

lauvboi · Answer

33, hmmm.
That's old but it's never too late !
The reason why men don't take you out for date may be of several reasons

1 • you are 33. Most of the guys would assume that you are already committed or is already planning to settle down with someone
(Solution for this : Let the men know that you are available , and is ready to date)

2 • maybe , you are not easily approachable?
You have already mentioned your character but we could never guess what others think of ourselves. Maybe they see you as serious women and really not interested in romance (Be friendly , Smile a lot, Little flirting won't do any harm) That said, young men would surely find you attractive as a milf (seriously no offense but it's the truth). Young men are attracted to older women. You may find yourself lucky dating young men. Hope you get a partner soon. sometimes it takes time to find the 'one' : )

scott04sa22 · Answer

Women usually don't want to date me, what do I have wrong?

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Lets see:
33... negative
suffering from a deep depression... negative
past traumas... negative
self-esteem is pretty low... negative
very nice... positive
educated... neutral
can have a good conversation... positive
I'm freaking afraid of being alone... negative

So not quite the pinnacle of wifehood here yet expects to be a wife. Sorry but isn't it obvious one must be wifely to make men want them as a wife? If you want to be an accountant do you go apply and act like plumber? Smh.

Anonymous · Answer

That's means you're too fabulous for a normal life anyways 💃

shanshu · Answer

I'm the other way round, Women want Men like me but more attractive

logger5 · Answer

Are you suffering deep depression because of no man. Or you just a depressed person?

Avicenna · Answer

I think you've answered your question (depression and low self-esteem). Relationships don't work when a person has those problems.

jasco · Answer

Fam if you realize you have problems fix them first before getting into a relationship

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Have you ever dated anyone at all?

In_Trance · Answer

must be something you're saying or doing (or not)

Anonymous · Answer

Hi   I'm Jimmy nice to meet you   Interested in sexual conversations share real life  fantasies and experiences

TsAubreyKate · Answer

Try women

devoygf · Answer

you're too petty😂

Men usually don't want to date me, what do I have wrong?

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