My date i’ve been dating is so hot I feel like he’s too hot for me and i’m feeling insecure?

Question

So my date is like about a decade younger than me and he has a face that looks like an angel carved it. I cry when I see his photos. Like I feel kind of fat and ugly. We’ve dated in person 4 times so far in a span of a few months. I don’t know how he’s still dating me. I get so nervous before I meet him sometimes. He usually makes me feel safe. However I know girls flirt with him around me and it makes me uncomfortable. How can I keep a guy I’m so nervous around? How does he even like me if I feel like a potato? I feel like I need a makeover. I don’t know how he even is still dating me. I even got mad at him several times. He still seems interested in me. How is this possible?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I know this is long, but I had the exact same problem not that long ago. Consequently, it made me think back on everything I went through when I was feeling the same way you're feeling. I wrote down my story on this issue, and hopefully it may help you (and perhaps others who read this)

My fiance is 13 years younger than me. We've been together for about two years now, and I'm currently pregnant with twins. We have a super happy and supportive relationship

However, when we first started dating I had a lot more concerns about the age gap than I do now. One of the major factors is what you're describing: I felt like an 'imposter'. He has an incredibly gorgeous face and an insanely sexy body that looks like it came out of a fitness ad.

While on one hand I obviously loved that, on the other hand I felt super intimidated. Sure, I knew I took good care of myself physically and was in pretty great shape. However, I also knew there was only so far that could go. I kept thinking of how much older I look than women his age. They have much smoother skin and no wrinkles. Even though I kept myself in good shape, my body still wasn't what it was in my 20s (especially after having 2 kids). There was this constant whisper in my head telling me that I don’t belong here, that I’m out of my league, that I’m too old for someone as stunning as Bryan. I try to ignore it, but it’s hard. It feels like everyone around us can see the difference, even if they don’t say it. They must think it. They must wonder why he’s with me.

Worse than that, I often wondered why he was even with me in the first place. Why wasn't he with a younger woman who was much more youthful and attractive? I often saw them flirting with him, and I knew he could have one if he wanted. I'd get really insecure and fearful he'd eventually get bored of me, realize he could do better, and leave me for a super hot younger model.

He would often still compliment my looks. He'd tell me how beautiful my face was and/or how sexy he thought my body was. In fact, he'd get pretty dirty on quite a few occasions. I should have taken that as obvious signs of his attraction, but I was just so intimidated I let that deflect off. I wrote it off as him imagining that I had a body underneath that wasn't really there, and he was just attracted to what he was picturing, not what was there. Consequently, I typically brushed off his flirtation and compliments as 'being in his head' as opposed to a genuine expression of real physical/sexual attraction to me

There was a few months at the beginning of our relationship where we were much less physical than we otherwise would have been had I not been so intimidated and insecure. There were many times where we'd get hot an heavy (and I'd be super into it), but I'd get super insecure and fearful about showing him more skin (what if he sees my body and gets super disappointed? That would be incredibly hurtful). I'd make up some excuse. He was constantly disappointed (sometimes frustrated), but he was very patient and understanding.

I eventually realized that if we had any chance of having a decent option of moving forward I had to talk to him about my insecurities. I eventually told him everything I was thinking/feeling. He was incredibly understanding and supportive. Firstly, he assured me that he wanted to be with me, not any other women (including younger ones). He assured me that he found me super physically attractive, and he actually felt frustrated a few times when I stopped things from going far physically (which was actually pretty comforting to me). However, he also assured me that there were so many other reasons why he was attracted to me/wanted to be with me as well. He assured me that he wanted me as I am now, not what I was when I was younger

Hearing that made me feel a lot better, but it still took a while longer for me to overcome the insecurities. The big thing that really helped me is the understanding that he did want me at the place and age I'm at now. That helped me gradually shift my mindset that the emotional depth, maturity, experience, etc that came with my age was a major positive of him being with me.

Moreover, I gradually embraced the acceptance that no one is perfect, including me. Sure, I may be going through the aging process, but I didn't need to be a perfect youthful goddess to be worthy of love. Moreover, part of what made me attractive to him was my uniqueness—not in terms of looks, but how I made him feel, the experiences we shared, and the connection we had. When I let go of the idea that I must measure up to an ideal, I was able to embrace the love and connection we had without fearing that I don't deserve it

Interestingly, this allowed me to embrace/accept his flirtations/compliments he directed at me physically. When he told me how beautiful my face was or how sexy he thought my body was I didn't think 'oh, he's just saying that now, but he'll change his mind eventually'. I really embraced and internalized them as genuine signs he was very physically/sexually attracted to me.

The biggest final step was when we first made love/I first got naked with him. He got naked before I took any clothes off, and he looked phenominal. I'd gone a long way, but I was still pretty insecure about getting naked in front of him. When we were in bed and he was trying to take my clothes off I got really anxious/worried. I was about to stop, but I realized I just needed to jump this hurtle. I went into the bathroom, got totally naked, and came out to show him me naked. I was anxious/worried beyond comprehension. The few seconds between me stepping out and him noticing me were possibly the few seconds where I felt by far the most anxiety in all our time of the relatonship I've had with him

However, the moment I saw his face all those concerns went away. The amount of lust I saw in his eyes was through the roof, and his physique downstairs grew up to confirm this (if you know what I mean). We made love multiple times that night (and the next morning), and he made me feel nothing but physically/sexually desired on an incredibly powerful level

And we've been frequently physically/sexually intimate ever since (to the point now that I'm pregnant with his twins)

So I understand what it's like to be insecure and intimidated by a much younger, attractive guy due to a major age gap. However, if the relationship is something worth having, it's something that can (and will) be overcome

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sometimes finding a man is more trouble than it’s worth. If you struggle this bad with insecurities to where you aren’t comfortable in your skin and need a makeover, to me that’s a sign to be single for a bit and work on your self esteem. Your whole mindset is just so exhausting, I’d hate to be dating a guy and downing myself like this in order to be with him.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

He probably is. And if he is you'll eventually find out.

Flower7 · Answer

Get the makeover if it will make you feel better. I’m sure he’d enjoy it too.

Anonymous · Answer

Girl am in the same situation 🥹. How do u both look. He’s most probably with u because u boost his ego

My date i’ve been dating is so hot I feel like he’s too hot for me and i’m feeling insecure?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

He’s too hot for me?

My date i’ve been dating is so hot I feel like he’s too hot for me and i’m feeling insecure?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

He’s too hot for me?

We're glad to see you liked this post.