Why did he say " mistake of getting married again"?

[Anonymous]

My female friend, who is kind, funny, good looking, everything nice really, has been dating a guy for about a year (both middle age group). She is a widow he is divorced twice. A friend of his asked them if they would be getting married , he said "god no way, I am not making that mistake again". My friend said she felt like a piece of crap when he said that in front of everyone and upset he was, she felt, lumping her in with his two ex wife's as a horrible woman. He just says he needs space and his own home, so he won't ever live together either even though he loves her. Lots of men would be over the moon to have a wife/partner like her, she is a really decent human being, and he knows it, so why did he show her up like that in a nasty way?

Updates

11 mo

They are not friends with benefits, it is a very committed loving relationship, but in their own homes, one of his exes cheated and one was a horrible person. My friend is a lovely person, and i dont want her hurt.

[Summeroflove]

I don’t know I know that some people have been hurt enough times where they want to sabatoge the relationship before they can. What they really do is take the one person who would love them just to push them away.

You would be surprised though how many people do this. Where they have been hurt and pushed away so many times that. Their way of feeling in control is sabotaging the relationship before they can. I think maybe she is a genuinely a good nurturing woman who loves him. But in order to help someone they have to want that help.

But she has a lot to offer she deserves someone to show her effort as well and if there is no real future between them. Maybe she needs to consider if it’s with her time.

The last thing she wants to do is allow someone to hurt her until she looses her good nature as well. That’s a choice people make to become the monster that hurt them. Instead of learning to NEVER treat another human being like that.

[Anonymous]

Lumping her in with his two ex wives as a horrible woman?

Look, consider what the institution of marriage looks like to men today. Half of marriages end in divorce, WOMEN file 80% of them, and men get screwed in divorce. If a man has already been through that hell TWICE... it's nothing personal against a particular woman... it's against ALL women.

[SueShe]

You are not telling us if those 2 divorces this guy had to face ended on a friendly basis or if there was bad blood. It always takes 2 in a divorce and it is never just one single person's fault.

He may have been married to 2 different women that were toxic or he could have been the one that was a red flag. Who knows. Fact is that he made 2 negative experiences and that he is not willing to make this mistake a 3rd. time.

It was perhaps not very diplomatic and wise to blur out what he said but could have been more diplomatic about it.

However, I think that he is more in for some kind of friend with benefit situation rather than for a committed relationship.

[Asker]

Its not friends with benefits he loves her, no question of that. BUT he just doesn't want to house share. One ex cheated one was horrible, I am assuming he is frightened, but I dont want her hurt like that again with an insensitive comment, and if I can understand more why he said it I may be able to help alleviate her concerns

[strateguy632]

But none of that was "nastiness" in a nasty way.

[Anonymous]

You get fucked over once shame on the wife
You get fucked over twice shame on the husband

[Anonymous]

Not everything is about her.

[Anonymous]

Ask him first thing in the morning