Why did this guy not mention he was married earlier?

[Anonymous]

So I’ll try to keep the short- I’ve known a guy for about 5years on and off, we met while at Uni and he knew I liked him and would act into me but he said he didn’t feel the same.
Fast forward to recently and we reconnected again online because he moved away…we talked about our lives etc and kept things friendly as I knew he felt as he did. I said to him it’s hard for me to be friends but I’d still love to be and he replied ‘I’m happy with that, whatever you feel is best xx’…then in one message I made a joke of being single to see if I could get insight into his current status and he says he’s MARRIED.

I have not replied since as I am a bit in shock and I feel weird about it all now, but still want to be friends.
Im just a bit confused, he used smileys in his messages and replied fast, sometimes as soon as he woke up I think…but never a mention of her or anything, and once I mentioned having a chat over the phone and he said ‘not right now but I’ll let you know sometime’….. what the hell?

I want opinions to why he didn’t mention being married sooner and what was with his behaviour, he seemed into me but not…I’m confused!

[quaranta]

The fact he uses smileys and replies fast doesn't mean he is into you or that he is seeing you as dating material, he is just being nice and friendly. Maybe, since he is not meaning you as dating material, he didn't think it was important to tell you about his relationship status as soon as possible. I do talk with married male friends too but none of us thinks to flirt or anything, we are just friends and I know their wives as well, to which I talk occasionally too and that I met together with them the first time. So yeah, married men can be just friendly, nothing strange about that, they're still people with a social life afterall.
I suggest: don't try to "get" him now, because other than being morally wrong, if you manage to make him cheat on his wife you'd be fighting to get... A cheater for yourself, which is really not wise in any form if you think about that. So just respect his marriage and yourself too, you should focus on single men that you can get without proving them cheaters. Afterall, you endured 5 years of on and off, I think you have got other contacts with valid guys in the meanwhile... And nonetheless, in 5 years, which is a lot of time, he didn't commit to you or taken things to the next level, so, definitely, you should look elsewhere for your own respect as well.

[Asker]

Yeah I’d never want him in that way now, I’m happy just to be his friend, I just feel stupid I guess…thanks for the reply

[AviatorTom]

You were friends in Uni and he enjoys your company. He's not trying to be anything sexual with you, and it's perfectly okay for a married man to have female friends. So what's the problem?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Maybe he's just being friendly? You don't mention him being flirty or inappropriate, so I tend to think he was just treating you as a friend.

[Asker]

Yeah just the xx thing and he asked if I was seeing someone too…but generally friendly I guess

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Maybe that gave a wrong impression.
I too once asked a girl I was talking to - as a friend - if she was seeing someone or what.
She took it as me asking her out, and it was awkward to say I didn't want to go out with her...

[Asker]

Yeah I thought so a bit, especially as he knows how I feel….

[Anonymous]

I remember a woman asking for my phone number. Up to that point I thought we were just conversing. And when I told her I was married she said "can I still get it anyway just in case it doesn't work out".😯😯😯

People are weird.

[Asker]

Do you think I’m weird, did he seem as if he was just being friendly, was it weird behaviour from him in the first place?

[Opinion Owner]

You're only weird if you're still considering him. Yes it's weird behaviour on his part. But you can't control people who act weird, only how you react to it.

[Asker]

Only as a friend and only a friend, I’m familiar with affairs etc and it’s the worst thing…I could never do that to someone and never want to. Thanks for the help.

[Opinion Owner]

That's good! But unfortunately you're in the minority. Most women can and WILL.